aerogurl87 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 A few days ago my ex boyfriend randomly added me as a friend on facebook. I'm not reading into it to much but my boyfriend seems to think my ex has ulterior motives. Now given the fact that my boyfriend still texts and talks to his ex on a regular basis, I don't feel that me and my ex just being on each others facebook is such a big deal, but maybe I'm wrong. Opinions please.
OriginalPenguin Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Your current BF "still texts and talks to his ex on a regular basis,"? Just curious, how old are you guys?
Professor X Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 A few days ago my ex boyfriend randomly added me as a friend on facebook. I'm not reading into it to much but my boyfriend seems to think my ex has ulterior motives. Now given the fact that my boyfriend still texts and talks to his ex on a regular basis, I don't feel that me and my ex just being on each others facebook is such a big deal, but maybe I'm wrong. Opinions please. He can't expect from you what he doesn't expect from himself. In other words, if he speaks to his ex' you are entitled to speak to yours.
Kelemort Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Yeah, why's he acting so bothered if he's still chatting up his ex? Maybe he'll reveal that he's a hypocrite through further actions once your ex starts talking to you more or something. It's always a fun game talking to your ex until you find you can't handle your partner talking to hers. But, from my stance, there's always something suspicious about exes being in regular contact when they do not have minor children. The next time he brings up your ex's ulterior motives, you could ask him, "Does (insert his ex's name here) have ulterior motives too?" He's being a hypocrite. Then you both need to decide what's up - either you both put restrictions on contact with your exes or you both kick your exes out of your lives to work on your CURRENT relationship. The one that has a heartbeat but could get toppled with unnecessary jealousy.
in_absentia Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Yeah, why's he acting so bothered if he's still chatting up his ex? Maybe he'll reveal that he's a hypocrite through further actions once your ex starts talking to you more or something. It's always a fun game talking to your ex until you find you can't handle your partner talking to hers. But, from my stance, there's always something suspicious about exes being in regular contact when they do not have minor children. The next time he brings up your ex's ulterior motives, you could ask him, "Does (insert his ex's name here) have ulterior motives too?" He's being a hypocrite. Then you both need to decide what's up - either you both put restrictions on contact with your exes or you both kick your exes out of your lives to work on your CURRENT relationship. The one that has a heartbeat but could get toppled with unnecessary jealousy. Maybe the issue has never come up before and it isn't a 'game'... I talk to my exes occasionally, just touch base via text but nothing more (to those who wonder why it's necessary, it isn't, but it's still nice to be on friendly terms with someone who you were so close with for such a long time). My boyfriend couldn't care less about it, he's the least-jealous person I've ever been with in that respect, he doesn't mind who I speak to ex-wise or male friend-wise, just trusts me, doesn't expect to be told when I do speak to them or what it's about. This level of trust is so, so refreshing... However, I'd be the first to admit I get jealous over my partners speaking to their exes, even if I trust there's nothing going on, I can't really explain it rationally other than I get all insecure wondering whether they're remembering great times they had with their ex, which is stupid cos I know I don't think any of that if I speak to mine. He hasn't ever made any move to speak to an ex of his since we've been together (he speaks to friends he used to sleep with on a FWB basis, that doesn't bother me, it's the love connection which makes me feel jealous). But if he did, and I didn't like it (which I wouldn't) and he felt it was unfair that I spoke to mine, I would stop without a second thought. My bf's feelings about the equality within our relationship mean more than keeping in touch with old boyfriends. I wouldn't say I'm being a hypocrite, it doesn't bother him and it would bother me the other way around, that can't be helped.
Author aerogurl87 Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 Your current BF "still texts and talks to his ex on a regular basis,"? Just curious, how old are you guys? I'm 21 and he's 19. Anyway to be honest I don't care if he gets upset anymore. As they say what's good for the goose is good for the gander. And as for his ex, he says she just wants to be friends and I trust him talking to her. I just don't like this little double standard he's trying to pull. Apparently him and his ex talk on the phone as well, since I came home from work early one day and caught him quickly getting off the phone with her.
Citizen Erased Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Given your last couple of threads regarding your relationship and ex boyfriend, I don't blame him. You have been so up and down since you and your current bf broke up and you almost went to your ex to solve your issues. You've then gone to live with your bf, despite feelings that it would be a mistake, posted that you're still thinking of your ex all the time and now your bf is the bad guy for not trusting the guy with you? Come on. He's not blind and he's not an idiot. Your ex's intentions are irrelevant, it's your own that are important.
Author aerogurl87 Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 (edited) Given your last couple of threads regarding your relationship and ex boyfriend, I don't blame him. You have been so up and down since you and your current bf broke up and you almost went to your ex to solve your issues. You've then gone to live with your bf, despite feelings that it would be a mistake, posted that you're still thinking of your ex all the time and now your bf is the bad guy for not trusting the guy with you? Come on. He's not blind and he's not an idiot. Your ex's intentions are irrelevant, it's your own that are important. True CE. But I haven't hidden anything from him. If he doesn't trust me he should just let me go then. Seems simple enough to me. And just so you know, I don't think he's a bad person. But telling me I can't see my family for a year because he won't be able to go back with me (because he doesn't want me going anywhere without him) is a but much. And yeah I could go without him, but then he guilts me into not doing so. So he's not a bad person, but I think he is a bit overprotective. Edited August 20, 2011 by aerogurl87
Professor X Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 And yeah I could go without him, but then he guilts me into not doing so. So he's not a bad person, but I think he is a bit overprotective. It's called, and listen carefully... MANIPULATIVE - NOT "Overprotective"; Do learn to tell them apart.
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