left alone

[clovess]

hello,

first I want to say these forums really help me! reading others and knowing I'm not alone in this.

my boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago. about a month ago he broke up with me too, I handled it so badly, begging for him to come back, I was so desperate and thought about suicide because I just can't live without him!! I really was sooo sad and heartbroken, after our first break up we tried it again, he told me being friends wasn't working and he doesnt want to lose me. but since I'm gone from my holiday, about a week ago, he's acting very weird. he also goes shopping with a girl quite often, already 4 times since our break up. he tells me she is just a friend but I dont know..

when I got back he acted very very distant, later he told me he even forget we got back together again!! it wasnt working like this and later he told me he doesnt love me anymore. It killed me. but I changed, I handled it better this time, at least I try to, and try to act strong towards him.

I will never love someone like I loved him, he's so wonderful and sweet! hes the love of my life, I'm sure. we talked about marrying and getting kids, he wanted to spend forever with me and treated me always so special and precious. his love was so pure. and true, but he told me his love went away because I handled our break up so bad the first time, he doesnt want to be with someone like that.

 

I'm really trying to move on. I just can't do NC! It's not a good idea because we have a long distant relationship, right now we only communicate through msn.. if I delete everything that has to do with him im sure he will never come back and I'll never ever have a chance again.

 

I just want him back!! everyday I'm crying! I just dont understand why his loved changed so and how I could be so stupid to handle it so bad!! our first break up was because he wasnt ready for a relationship yet, he wanted to wait. I should have respected it, I'm so stupid!!

 

I really hope you can help me and give me advice.. I want him back so badly and I feel so lonely without him. I just love him so so much. what should I do?? it kills me living without him and I just DONT WANT it!! I dont want a life without him! I love him!! I want him back :"(

 

I'm so lonely and desperate, please help me.

 

thank you in advance

[smudge21]

No amount of begging or pleading will change his views, and even if he does come back because of that, he will never respect you - which will doom any chance of a relationship.

 

You really do need to go no contact right now. I know that's not what you want to hear, but surely you've read other posts with people feeling exactly the same way. The only solution for the majority of us is NC. It allows us to heal and also, occasionally, makes our ex miss us. He can't miss you if you're always there can he?

 

We all believe that the person we're seeing is "the one" - yeah, can't imagine life without them etc etc. The truth is though, right now he's on a pedestal and you worship everything about him. I bet you can't even focus on the bad points. It will take a long time to get him back to where he was before you even knew him. Back when he was just another person passing you by.

 

No matter what happens when you go NC, you will be able to love again and you will meet someone who will be another "the one". Please re-read some other posts and learn from what the rest of us go through. Going NC is always hard, but it's the right thing to do.

[clovess]

thank you for your reply, but I dont think NC is an option, I will try not to contact him out of myself but we didnt go a day without talking for more than 8 months. but we live in another country, so if I do NC, I'm sure it will be over forever. I will try not give him much attention

 

All I do is cry, he's the first one I gave my heart to, I trusted him. he loved me so and it hurts so much I'm in love on my own now.

 

I just love him so and dont know how to continue life without him seriously.. he's shopping with that other girl right now, I try not to think about it. but I just care so much, and he acts like he doesnt at all.

 

actually since yesterday he got real distant. after our break up we were good friends and he send me a song, he also told me he might love me again. I'm so confused!! now he says he doesnt love me and he doesnt want me back. you're right, I can't focuss on the bad points, because he doesnt have any, he's perfect to me and I love him so

 

oh I'm so broken. I just want him. me and him forever like he promised.

 

how long do you think I will have to do NC? if I will do it.

[smudge21]

The pain you're in will never change if you continue to do what you're doing. This guy is either one minute telling you what you want to hear and the next moving on like he doesn't care. You need to take back control of yourself now.

 

You're right, I bet going NC will mean you lose him forever. I know that's hard to accept but surely you can see that the way this is isn't right. He's made his choice and you have to back away and let him go. Believe me I truly know how hard that is to accept.

 

You need to heal and you do that with time and no contact. It will be tough, there'll be plenty of tears and times when you get desperate to make contact with him. You may even break NC occasionally, but you'll quickly learn how bad that can be. The point is, you'll go through the exact same thing every single one of us dumpees go through.

 

There is no time limit on going NC - you just do it and then you heal. It can take weeks or months. The fact is you just go NC and each and every day you become less connected with the ex. You start seeing the whole relationship without those rose-tinted glasses on. You start seeing the flaws in someone. Eventually you go a day without them entering your mind, which in turn becomes a few days, then a week. Yeah, you slip up and have the odd bad day, but then the good days start outweighing the bad. You no longer care what the ex is up to as you find other things to keep you occupied, other people too.

 

As bad as it is right now, you have to at least try no contact. Give it a week. Just 7 days and post back, see how you feel.

 

I will make one suggestion and that is to read others posts and offer advice here and there. You may not feel you're in a good place to do that, but it helped me. I guess it's the realisation that no matter how bad you feel, you're not alone.

[Yuzuki]

Try to do NC and take it a day at a time. I used to be proud of myself every time evening came and I hadn't contacted him all day. Don't focus on the "forever" part - you can't be sure about that after all. Take it slowly.

 

You could also consider not blocking him on MSN but simply removing him from your own contact list, though I'm not sure if that's a better option. But that way you could keep the lines of communication open for him. In any case prevent yourself from having to see his name in your contact list all the time, it'll only cause you pain.

[clovess]

The pain you're in will never change if you continue to do what you're doing. This guy is either one minute telling you what you want to hear and the next moving on like he doesn't care. You need to take back control of yourself now.

 

You're right, I bet going NC will mean you lose him forever. I know that's hard to accept but surely you can see that the way this is isn't right. He's made his choice and you have to back away and let him go. Believe me I truly know how hard that is to accept.

 

You need to heal and you do that with time and no contact. It will be tough, there'll be plenty of tears and times when you get desperate to make contact with him. You may even break NC occasionally, but you'll quickly learn how bad that can be. The point is, you'll go through the exact same thing every single one of us dumpees go through.

 

There is no time limit on going NC - you just do it and then you heal. It can take weeks or months. The fact is you just go NC and each and every day you become less connected with the ex. You start seeing the whole relationship without those rose-tinted glasses on. You start seeing the flaws in someone. Eventually you go a day without them entering your mind, which in turn becomes a few days, then a week. Yeah, you slip up and have the odd bad day, but then the good days start outweighing the bad. You no longer care what the ex is up to as you find other things to keep you occupied, other people too.

 

As bad as it is right now, you have to at least try no contact. Give it a week. Just 7 days and post back, see how you feel.

 

I will make one suggestion and that is to read others posts and offer advice here and there. You may not feel you're in a good place to do that, but it helped me. I guess it's the realisation that no matter how bad you feel, you're not alone.

 

thank you again for your reply. I really want to try but I'm not willing to lose him forever.

I will really try not to contact him anymore, but I think I'm too weak really. he's ignoring me right now, I can see he's online but he's not talking, and it's killing me so muchm I cant stop crying.

 

Do you think it's a good idea to stay good friends? maybe if I act extra nice to him I can make him fall in love with me again?

 

I just don't want to wait and I want to talk to him, I want him back oh so badly

I'll really try not to ocntact him much anymore, but what if he never contacts anymore? I can't stand losing him. today I will try, really. see if it helps a little, but it's almost impossible for me, I feel so lonely and need him, only he can make me happy. I miss him so

[clovess]

Try to do NC and take it a day at a time. I used to be proud of myself every time evening came and I hadn't contacted him all day. Don't focus on the "forever" part - you can't be sure about that after all. Take it slowly.

 

You could also consider not blocking him on MSN but simply removing him from your own contact list, though I'm not sure if that's a better option. But that way you could keep the lines of communication open for him. In any case prevent yourself from having to see his name in your contact list all the time, it'll only cause you pain.

 

Thank you for your reply, but everyone tells me to do no contact. isnt there another way?

I just dont want to live without him, I cant imagine someone loving me

but he did, so much, how can this all be over

[clovess]

It's also that I know him, if I will ignore him for longer than a day, he probably will be mad and cut off all contact, I dont want that!!!!

[smudge21]

I know this is hard, probably the hardest thing you've ever gone through, but you really need to understand what the deal is and try the best you can to accept it.

 

There is nothing right now you can do to change what has happened and by keeping in contact, spying on his movements you are only prolonging the pain you are feeling. In a way, the way you feel now is just getting worse due to your own actions.

 

Sadly, we all do it - we all cling on to hope. A break up and being dumped is like an injury, but because it's not physical it's hard to treat. Also, unlike other injuries we seem happy to keep making it worse, rather than letting it heal.

 

You have to step back and see what is happening. When we feel this low, we're no longer the person our exs first met - we become clingy and needy, desperate at times. How possibly can anyone want us back in that condition.

 

He's made the decision now and you have to let him go and accept that yes, there is a chance this is over. I'm sorry, but until you face that you'll never pull yourself out of this hole you're in right now, you'll never start to heal.

 

If you want to have hope then fine, do it, have hope that by going no contact in a few weeks or months he'll miss you and come back. If that bit of hope starts you on the road to healing then do it. I mean, I started NC with my ex and never for one second she would get in touch. Thought she'd moved on totally. 6 months later, back she comes. So yeah, if you want to feed hope then go ahead, but only to get you healing. To start you on that road. Say to yourself that by turning your back on him now you are giving him the chance to see what life without you is really like. Don't even think about what may or may not happen because you don't know, you're just taking a step for you - doing the right thing for you, to help you. Because right now, that's all that matters.

 

I beg you to read other threads and see how others deal with the exact same situations. Even post your thoughts and feelings on their posts and share the experience. It's better than just focusing on the ex, waiting for whetever...

[smudge21]

It's also that I know him, if I will ignore him for longer than a day, he probably will be mad and cut off all contact, I dont want that!!!!

 

So are you saying that he's okay with chucking you away one minute but still expects you to be there when he wants... sorry, but is this really a relationship you want to keep? Sounds a bit controlling and one-sided to me.

[clovess]

I know this is hard, probably the hardest thing you've ever gone through, but you really need to understand what the deal is and try the best you can to accept it.

 

There is nothing right now you can do to change what has happened and by keeping in contact, spying on his movements you are only prolonging the pain you are feeling. In a way, the way you feel now is just getting worse due to your own actions.

 

Sadly, we all do it - we all cling on to hope. A break up and being dumped is like an injury, but because it's not physical it's hard to treat. Also, unlike other injuries we seem happy to keep making it worse, rather than letting it heal.

 

You have to step back and see what is happening. When we feel this low, we're no longer the person our exs first met - we become clingy and needy, desperate at times. How possibly can anyone want us back in that condition.

 

He's made the decision now and you have to let him go and accept that yes, there is a chance this is over. I'm sorry, but until you face that you'll never pull yourself out of this hole you're in right now, you'll never start to heal.

 

If you want to have hope then fine, do it, have hope that by going no contact in a few weeks or months he'll miss you and come back. If that bit of hope starts you on the road to healing then do it. I mean, I started NC with my ex and never for one second she would get in touch. Thought she'd moved on totally. 6 months later, back she comes. So yeah, if you want to feed hope then go ahead, but only to get you healing. To start you on that road. Say to yourself that by turning your back on him now you are giving him the chance to see what life without you is really like. Don't even think about what may or may not happen because you don't know, you're just taking a step for you - doing the right thing for you, to help you. Because right now, that's all that matters.

 

I beg you to read other threads and see how others deal with the exact same situations. Even post your thoughts and feelings on their posts and share the experience. It's better than just focusing on the ex, waiting for whetever...

 

thank you a lot, you're right, I'm going to try to forget about him and move on. I just dont want him out of my life.. but being friends seems impossible since it only gives me more hope, that will be crushed again. sometimes I feel kind of strong, like now, but when I'm alone, or just think too much I collapse again. I miss him just so, and love him will all my heart. his happiness is all that matters to me, but I'm the one who could make him the happiest, we were soulmates. oh life is just so unfair. I can't sleep at night and been feeling ill since he left me, im mentally and physically destroyed

 

I've been reading the other threats, it helps knowing no one is alone in this.

 

I also read yours, I really understand your pain, hope everything will be fine in the end and you will be happy must be very confusing for yo.

you're right I have to think about myself now, I will first try to heal myself before thinking about coming back to him.

 

I just cant cope any love songs or anything with love.. it's so hard and unfair to see that people who don't deserve it are so happy in love. but I'm sure you know what I mean.

 

thank you so much for your replies, youre helping me to get through this, I really needed some advice from other people than just myself. it's a long story but I cant go to friends or family with this. you're a great help to me

[smudge21]

Being alone is the worse when you're going through this. Your mind wanders, your heart interferes, so many memories come flooding back. About ten minutes I just remembered being with her for the first time over a year ago. Where did that come from?

 

NC is a rough ride - forget the Perfect Storm, this is a tsunami. You will have good and bad days but it's times like these that make you the person you are, the person you will be. We don't learn or evolve from having it easy.

 

No one knows what the future will bring. Truly anything could happen to you in the next few days, weeks, months but during that time you will feel better.

 

Stay strong and don't ever give up.

[clovess]

Being alone is the worse when you're going through this. Your mind wanders, your heart interferes, so many memories come flooding back. About ten minutes I just remembered being with her for the first time over a year ago. Where did that come from?

 

NC is a rough ride - forget the Perfect Storm, this is a tsunami. You will have good and bad days but it's times like these that make you the person you are, the person you will be. We don't learn or evolve from having it easy.

 

No one knows what the future will bring. Truly anything could happen to you in the next few days, weeks, months but during that time you will feel better.

 

Stay strong and don't ever give up.

 

Thank you again. you're right being alone is killing me, I just need him so.

 

I tried NC yesterday, all day I didnt send him a message, till he sent me 6 messages. he told me to wake up ( it was in the night ) because he wanted to talk, I replied, but very short. he kept asking what was wrong, said he wanted to know because he cared about me. he also told me that my opinion matters, because I matter to him, because I played a big part in his life.

Then he suddenly started sending kissing, heart and roses smileys, when I asked him why, he answered with a wink smiley, or he said he's just trying to get me to talk. then later he told me this girl he goes shopping with asked if he wanted to be her boyfriend, my ex answered with no, because he doesnt have those feelings for her yet. does that mean he will? he cant make himself like her right?

he kept sending me those 'love' smileys and it just made me so confused! he did it as a joke, he says, but why? he knows I'm tryin to move on. doesnt he want me to move on?

 

what am I supposed to think now?? or to do! I'm so confused! the thought of him being with that girl totally kills me. I can't think of it without crying or this huge empty feeling in my belly.

 

this morning I broke NC myself, I had to, couldnt hold it anymore. I told him to have a nice day, but he was already gone.

 

I'm so confused and heartbroken and these messages of him don't help me. he makes me think there is hope, I'm trying to stop my feelings for him, but that's just impossible!

the convo yesterday confused me so badly, I hope someone can help me

[smudge21]

It sounds like he's keeping you close, wanting to know you're there but without really taking it any further. Clearly it's going to have to be you who's the strong one - you will need to enforce NC and tell him why.

 

Put it this way, do you really want this to continue? Do you really want to feel this way for another month or two, or even longer? Do you really want him getting in touch and building up your hope, only to have it flattened when he mentions another girl or something else?

 

You clearly want this guy as a boyfriend and much more, and you're not ready to just be a friend, or even a friend with benefits. So tell him that - draft up an email telling him that all this is hurting you so much and you can't do it anymore. You can't just carry on like that when you have such strong feelings for him. Don't make my mistake of thinking you can only to one day hear the ex has met someone new. Take control of the situation now whilst you still can.

 

What he's doing is wrong, but whether he's doing it on purpose, even realises how much it's hurting you, I can't say. You have to think about your own well being and the longer you drag this out, the more damage you're doing.

 

By saying goodbye and telling him you need to go no contact, it may force him into a corner. May make him realise he can't mess you around like this. One way or another, you have to change what is going on... you know that.

[clovess]

It sounds like he's keeping you close, wanting to know you're there but without really taking it any further. Clearly it's going to have to be you who's the strong one - you will need to enforce NC and tell him why.

 

Put it this way, do you really want this to continue? Do you really want to feel this way for another month or two, or even longer? Do you really want him getting in touch and building up your hope, only to have it flattened when he mentions another girl or something else?

 

You clearly want this guy as a boyfriend and much more, and you're not ready to just be a friend, or even a friend with benefits. So tell him that - draft up an email telling him that all this is hurting you so much and you can't do it anymore. You can't just carry on like that when you have such strong feelings for him. Don't make my mistake of thinking you can only to one day hear the ex has met someone new. Take control of the situation now whilst you still can.

 

What he's doing is wrong, but whether he's doing it on purpose, even realises how much it's hurting you, I can't say. You have to think about your own well being and the longer you drag this out, the more damage you're doing.

 

By saying goodbye and telling him you need to go no contact, it may force him into a corner. May make him realise he can't mess you around like this. One way or another, you have to change what is going on... you know that.

 

You're right I really dont want his to continue. I'm being so stupid and hurting myself! but he keeps searching contact, I didn't the past few days, a few days ago in the morning I woke up way earlier than him, later he sent me a goodmorning message and asked what time I woke up, it was about 3 hours before him, he asked why I didnt send him a message and got mad :S

why does he keep searching contact with me?

as friends we are doing so fine, sometimes even flirty. but when he mentions a girl it just kills me. but he told me the girl he goes shopping with is just a friend, and he doesn't think it will be more. I really hope so because I hate it so.

 

I would do NC.. if I could. I'm not ready to give up on him yet (though I know it's the best) I will try, even though it will destroy me. I told myself when he kisses her, or becomes her bf, I will break contact. for now I try to stay friends, avoid the subject girls, and try to make him love me again.

I know it's really dumb of me but I'm too weak to do no contact sorry

 

want him back so bad, he was my first love, I was his. I just really hope it will be fine..

 

am I doing the right thing? I dont know anymore, he's confusing me with what he wants. though he still says he doesnt want me back

 

what I'm doing right now is wrong, but I can't give up. I act strong towards him, I even think he thinks my heart isnt broken at all! I love and miss him so, I miss all the times we had, oh I love him so :"(

[smudge21]

My ex and I went back to being friends after the mutual break up, but for her it was a lot easier as she'd got back with her long term on/off ex, whereas I had no one. Throughout that time our contact became less but the further she drifted away, the more I wanted her.

 

To her it was the best of both worlds, she had her boyfriend and me waiting in the wings in case things went wrong. She too liked to keep that flirting going and the occasional bit of interest. Now, I don't have any anger towards her because of this. On her part she thought I was happy to just be her friend, I never said otherwise. It wasn't until I said goodbye in a long email and told her how I felt, that she realised how hurt I'd been.

 

The same is happening to you right now. He's keeping you close, maybe intentionally, but maybe without knowing how hurt you are. The longer you let this carry on, the more hurt you're going to get. Seriously, can you handle hearing about his new love, or even seeing them together? Be honest with him and yourself, otherwise you are risking more hurt.

[clovess]

My ex and I went back to being friends after the mutual break up, but for her it was a lot easier as she'd got back with her long term on/off ex, whereas I had no one. Throughout that time our contact became less but the further she drifted away, the more I wanted her.

 

To her it was the best of both worlds, she had her boyfriend and me waiting in the wings in case things went wrong. She too liked to keep that flirting going and the occasional bit of interest. Now, I don't have any anger towards her because of this. On her part she thought I was happy to just be her friend, I never said otherwise. It wasn't until I said goodbye in a long email and told her how I felt, that she realised how hurt I'd been.

 

The same is happening to you right now. He's keeping you close, maybe intentionally, but maybe without knowing how hurt you are. The longer you let this carry on, the more hurt you're going to get. Seriously, can you handle hearing about his new love, or even seeing them together? Be honest with him and yourself, otherwise you are risking more hurt.

 

oh yes you went through the same, how did you feel that period? are you okee with the break up now? Thank you a lot for your replies, you're really helping me through and when I read these messages I always feel better it means a lot that you are willing to help me, since I can't talk about it to friends or family

 

you're right I cant handle it to see him with a new love, but I still hope we can stay friends. but now there is another problem. He told me yesterday about that girl and I got upset about it, just reacted short, didnt say anything bad, today he sent me a message saying it's like I don't allow him to move on, and we should stop being friends.

That's really not what I want I want to stay friends even though it hurts me too much. I just hope we can stay friends, and maybe grow to more, but that change seems 0,0001%.

because of that message I had an awful day! went out but constantly needed to stop my tears

 

I blame myself so much, if I didnt react so upset about our first break up, everything would be fine now. how can I ever forgive myself? I'm just so stupid! everything is my fault. but I've always been so good for him, never mad at him, I loved him like no one else could, supported him, we had fun.. all those beautiful things are just gone. I just can't accept it yet, it hurts so much. maybe one day he will realise he lost the best? I mean, we were perfect for each other, he said I was more than he could ever wish for and he would never ever let me go. but I ruined it!

 

I can't stop crying and it's so hard to keep a fake smile all day.

 

I also did something stupid. I don't drink, never did, I dont want it, and I have a faith. but since the break up I drank alcohol twice not much, 8 to 12 sips. I really don't want it but it helps me a little to feel some better. I'm not gonna start drinking though!

 

I just can't believe it's over, this empty feelings is huge miss him so much. I pray so much for it to be okee, but I sometimes just feel like I want to die.

this kills me, not eating, I don't care how I look anymore, almost no sleep. I know a lot of people go through this, I respect everyone who made it out well

 

I want those beautiful times back, I miss him :"(

[smudge21]

First off, never focus on the past - what you should've done, or what you think would've happened had you done something different. There is no way of ever knowing how something would've turned out if you'd done something different and you can never change it. Also, don't presume your actions were the sole reason for this break up. It's never just one thing that ends a relationship.

 

Now in regards to me, well as I said, I said goodbye and meant it. I had to. I really couldn't handle pretending to be happy with just being her friend. I would argue with anyone who said they could be friends with an ex just after a break up. Yeah, maybe in a long time, after they've healed, but never straight away.

 

Mine's a long story, but suffice to say there are still feelings on both sides, but she's marrying her guy now, so despite those feelings, it's never going to happen. Yes it hurts, still does 6 months on, but there's nothing I can do to change or nothing I could've done to change it back when we first met. Some things just weren't meant to be...

 

You have to start realising this because right now you are heading into more depression and you're only going to get worse. You cannot stay friends with him! That's it. It can't happen. You love him and will never be happy to be his friend. Imagine being sat as a guest at his wedding to another girl... you really want to tell me you'd be okay with that?

 

Unless you really start to focus and make some changes this will never end and you will continue to feel bad. You have to go no contact, no matter how hard that seems. Please, just try it for a week. 7 days. No contact, don't even respond to his contact. Hide your phone and come off Facebook.

 

This is the hardest thing we ever have to go through, but in order to heal we have to suffer first. I know it sucks and it won't be easy, but surely you can see that unless you take these steps you will be stuck where you are for a long time.

 

You need to get your life back - get back to the person you were before you met him. You're still only young and have so much yet to experience. I can honestly say that in 5, 10, 15, 20 years time, this experience will be a part of a whole host of life changing moments that make you the person you are. As hard as this is right now, things do always get better and you will look back at this time and realise how much stronger it made you. Believe me, I'm willing to put my life savings on it.

 

But first you need to help yourself. You can't carry on like this and you know it. Nothing will change until you change it, so do it. No more blaming yourself for things you couldn't have changed. I know your pain, I've been there, three times in my life, and one thing I've taken from those times is the knowledge that no matter how bad it gets, how low I feel, how much I just want to give up... it always gets better.

 

You do need more than this place though - you need someone you can talk to face to face. Go speak to a doctor or someone you trust, see if they can help or point you in the direction of someone who can. There's no shame in admitting you need help - in fact, it's a sign of character to admit ones faults. None of us are perfect, we all have problems.

[clovess]

First off, never focus on the past - what you should've done, or what you think would've happened had you done something different. There is no way of ever knowing how something would've turned out if you'd done something different and you can never change it. Also, don't presume your actions were the sole reason for this break up. It's never just one thing that ends a relationship.

 

Now in regards to me, well as I said, I said goodbye and meant it. I had to. I really couldn't handle pretending to be happy with just being her friend. I would argue with anyone who said they could be friends with an ex just after a break up. Yeah, maybe in a long time, after they've healed, but never straight away.

 

Mine's a long story, but suffice to say there are still feelings on both sides, but she's marrying her guy now, so despite those feelings, it's never going to happen. Yes it hurts, still does 6 months on, but there's nothing I can do to change or nothing I could've done to change it back when we first met. Some things just weren't meant to be...

 

You have to start realising this because right now you are heading into more depression and you're only going to get worse. You cannot stay friends with him! That's it. It can't happen. You love him and will never be happy to be his friend. Imagine being sat as a guest at his wedding to another girl... you really want to tell me you'd be okay with that?

 

Unless you really start to focus and make some changes this will never end and you will continue to feel bad. You have to go no contact, no matter how hard that seems. Please, just try it for a week. 7 days. No contact, don't even respond to his contact. Hide your phone and come off Facebook.

 

This is the hardest thing we ever have to go through, but in order to heal we have to suffer first. I know it sucks and it won't be easy, but surely you can see that unless you take these steps you will be stuck where you are for a long time.

 

You need to get your life back - get back to the person you were before you met him. You're still only young and have so much yet to experience. I can honestly say that in 5, 10, 15, 20 years time, this experience will be a part of a whole host of life changing moments that make you the person you are. As hard as this is right now, things do always get better and you will look back at this time and realise how much stronger it made you. Believe me, I'm willing to put my life savings on it.

 

But first you need to help yourself. You can't carry on like this and you know it. Nothing will change until you change it, so do it. No more blaming yourself for things you couldn't have changed. I know your pain, I've been there, three times in my life, and one thing I've taken from those times is the knowledge that no matter how bad it gets, how low I feel, how much I just want to give up... it always gets better.

 

You do need more than this place though - you need someone you can talk to face to face. Go speak to a doctor or someone you trust, see if they can help or point you in the direction of someone who can. There's no shame in admitting you need help - in fact, it's a sign of character to admit ones faults. None of us are perfect, we all have problems.

 

I think you're totally right, you're really strong for handling this and doing NC.

I'm just struggling with my feelings so much, you're right I'm young, also very sensitive and fragile. My mind tells me to listen to you, to go no contact and move on, but my heart won't let me, still so in love. I have no idea why, he hurt me so much, he's been mean to me and maybe doesn't even care about not having me in his life. He wouldnt mind losing me. why do I still love him so much? why do I still have hope? I really hate it, but no matter how much I try to stop my feelings, they won't.

NC seems a way to solve this problem, but I'm scared, scared I maybe throw a chance away, scared he will never come back, scared to accept the fact it's over.

 

I know I have to move on, but I keep thinking of all those sweets little things he did. he was a boy who believed in true love, he would give me everything and love me with all he had. kiss, cuddle and hug me all the time. Do you honestly think I will find someone like that again? He loved me so deeply, I was the world to him.

 

Do you really think I'll find someone who does that, we has his first kiss with me, first time sleeping together after marriage? not many men want to wait after marriage. I'm scared I will never find someone like him again.

 

I just wish I could spend my life with him, that would be so perfect. I'm afraid I'll end up with someone who doesn't truly love me. who gets bored of me and stuff. what if I can never love someone so much again? I guess I can't.

 

oh I really would love to listen to you and go no contact, and really I will try, but it's just so hard to ignore these deep feelings. I just feel so lonely and it seems only he can cure my loneliness. every little thing reminds me of him and that really kills me he is such a sweetie

[smudge21]

We all put our ex's on that pedestal and despite any flaws they may have, all we see is the good. That's what you're doing now, even though you just out right told me his flaws and how he's hurt you, you can't focus on them, only the good.

 

Nothing you do will return you to the place you were with him. Same for me and countless others - once a break up has happened there's cracks and often these never get repaired. That magic from first being with someone is often long gone, and you never get it back. As much as I'd love to be back with my ex for another chance, I know it would never be the same. You have to accept the same for you too.

 

You can't beg or cry for an ex to come back - in fact, if they did come back because of that, it wouldn't be out of love. There would be no respect and the relationship would only be doomed to failure. Ex's only ever come back when they want to, and we should only ever let them come back when they've jumped through hopes and made amends for leaving us in the first place. Admit it, you'd take him back in a heart beat, and I'm sorry to say it, but he'd walk all over you in the state you're in now.

 

You need to make yourself stronger and you do that by going no contact. It truly is the only way to go now. Don't think I'm strong for going NC either. It was the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. I could've easily stayed in contact but it would never have been what I truly wanted. I couldn't live that lie... could you?

 

You will love again. There's over 6.7 billion people on this tiny little planet of ours and you'll meet your fair share of them throughout your life. Some of which, you will fall in love with.

 

Just remember, no contact is hard and you will be so tempted to slip many times, but in order to heal you will have to be strong. The choice is yours - surely you don't want to keep hurting?

[clovess]

We all put our ex's on that pedestal and despite any flaws they may have, all we see is the good. That's what you're doing now, even though you just out right told me his flaws and how he's hurt you, you can't focus on them, only the good.

 

Nothing you do will return you to the place you were with him. Same for me and countless others - once a break up has happened there's cracks and often these never get repaired. That magic from first being with someone is often long gone, and you never get it back. As much as I'd love to be back with my ex for another chance, I know it would never be the same. You have to accept the same for you too.

 

You can't beg or cry for an ex to come back - in fact, if they did come back because of that, it wouldn't be out of love. There would be no respect and the relationship would only be doomed to failure. Ex's only ever come back when they want to, and we should only ever let them come back when they've jumped through hopes and made amends for leaving us in the first place. Admit it, you'd take him back in a heart beat, and I'm sorry to say it, but he'd walk all over you in the state you're in now.

 

You need to make yourself stronger and you do that by going no contact. It truly is the only way to go now. Don't think I'm strong for going NC either. It was the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. I could've easily stayed in contact but it would never have been what I truly wanted. I couldn't live that lie... could you?

 

You will love again. There's over 6.7 billion people on this tiny little planet of ours and you'll meet your fair share of them throughout your life. Some of which, you will fall in love with.

 

Just remember, no contact is hard and you will be so tempted to slip many times, but in order to heal you will have to be strong. The choice is yours - surely you don't want to keep hurting?

 

I know I should go no contact, I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I would have a lot less pain if I just didn't know what he was upto anymore, and if my hopes aren't build up anymore. My mind tells me it's the best, but my heart.. just can't do it.

How am I supposed to live without him? he helped me through all the rough times, now I'm all alone.

It's just all our memories we had keep coming back, the future we would have together, the super sweet little things he did, I just miss it so much. miss him so much.

 

you're right I'm living a lie right now, when I talk to him all my hopes get build up again, I should go no contact but sorry I just can't. What if I lose him forever? or let a chance pass by with going no contact?

 

I don't think I can let go of the past (yet). I just can't imagine how life was without him, he made every day perfect by just saying hello, followed by the sweet nickname he had for me.

 

I wish I was strong enough for no contact, but I just don't want to let go, I can't accept it's over yet, my sweetie is gone

 

The only thing that makes me a little happier is the hope of him coming back, but I don't think that will ever happen.

 

I have no idea how to get through this

 

I'm sure there are other boys who I will be happy with, but I'm scared to fall in love now. really don't wanna think about that yet! no one is as sweet and perfect for me as him, I love him so

[jonymac001]

alone at their place of work? Can a person be left alone at their place of work?

 

There are no absolute restrictions on working alone; it will depend on the findings of a risk assessment.

There are two main pieces of legislation that will apply:

The Health and Safety at Work etc Act 1974: Section 2 sets out a duty of care on employers to ensure the health, safety and welfare of their employees whilst they are at work.

The Management of Health and Safety at work Regulations 1999: Regulation 3 states that every employer shall make a suitable and sufficient assessment of -

[smudge21]

Try this - believe that he will come back, feed that bit of hope that one day he will call you and realise what mistake he's made, but that won't happen until you give him time to miss you.

 

If you're always around, always there for him, he's never going to miss you, and nothing will change. Stop being there for him and maybe he will, maybe the realisation that you're moving on will kick him into gear and he'll do something, anything to get you back.

 

The fact is that clinging on and being like this for him will never get him back, and if he did, it would never be the same. The relationship wouldn't work. The fact is, you're a dumpee and he's the dumper, and it's him that has to come begging to you if he wants back.

 

Go no contact with that hope that by doing so you are showing him that you're moving on and maybe that alone will be enough to bring him back, or at very least be worried that he's losing you for ever.

 

If that hope sets you on the no contact path then use it.

 

You really need to start reading other break up threads on here and posting on them as you will realise how similar your situation is to everyone else. There is a also a great no contact thread that's worth a look - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3439031&postcount=2

[clovess]

Try this - believe that he will come back, feed that bit of hope that one day he will call you and realise what mistake he's made, but that won't happen until you give him time to miss you.

 

If you're always around, always there for him, he's never going to miss you, and nothing will change. Stop being there for him and maybe he will, maybe the realisation that you're moving on will kick him into gear and he'll do something, anything to get you back.

 

The fact is that clinging on and being like this for him will never get him back, and if he did, it would never be the same. The relationship wouldn't work. The fact is, you're a dumpee and he's the dumper, and it's him that has to come begging to you if he wants back.

 

Go no contact with that hope that by doing so you are showing him that you're moving on and maybe that alone will be enough to bring him back, or at very least be worried that he's losing you for ever.

 

If that hope sets you on the no contact path then use it.

 

You really need to start reading other break up threads on here and posting on them as you will realise how similar your situation is to everyone else. There is a also a great no contact thread that's worth a look - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3439031&postcount=2

 

I think you're right and I really think about no contact, but I'm not gonna delete his number or email address (because we live in another country and I'll lose him forever then), I'll keep the ways for him open to contact me, is that fine you think?

 

I read the threat you sent me, it was helpfull thank you I will read some other threats and decide what the best thing is to do.

 

but what should I say? should I have a talk with him and tell him I don't want contact with him till I'm healed?

should I add that he can always contact me? I'll keep it business- like, like the link said. Do you think that's a good idea?

what do you think is the best to say to him?

 

I think it's the best to do, though it hurts so much. There's only one problem; I'm scared he will say that it's maybe better to totally delete each other and never ever contact again. But that's really my biggest nightmare! What can I reply to this if it happens? I really don't want that.

 

Do you really think this is the best and only option? no option where we stay friends?

[smudge21]

If you feel you need to, then send him an email or letter - don't speak to him as you won't get the words out. It will be too hard. Don't keep any doors open in the letter though - none of that, call me if you want rubbish. You've got to say goodbye properly and mean it, otherwise there's no point as all you're doing is saying hi.

 

If he says he wants to delete all contact then there's your answer. As tough as it sounds but you have to accept the facts as they stand now and there is a good chance this is it, it is over. I know how hard that is to deal with, but until you do face that you're never going to start healing.

 

Having some hope cling on is normal, I still do despite everything. She's getting married next year and I try not to think about it. Even with that knowledge I still have hope, but I know the moment that date comes all that hope is forever gone, but hopefully by then I'll have moved on and be in a better place.

 

This is not going to be easy for you and you do need someone close who you can talk to. Please consider seeking professional help; someone who understands the pain you're going through. It's confidential and no one will ever know, but you need more than just this website to deal with this.