Oval Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 We've been bf and gf for about 3 months, known each other for 2 years, have been seeing each other romantically for about 6 months. Everything is perfect. We are very in love. We have a very very close intimate relationship, we talk about every little thing in depth and share all our insecurities fears etc. We're already talking about marriage and kids (light and easy, nothing too full on, but with definite hopes) She told me that she hooked up with her best friend (who is still her best friend) when she was younger. I don't know how I feel about this. Don't get me wrong, this isnt by any means a serious problem, doesnt make me have doubts about her or our future together. It just creates a conflicting feeling inside me. Female-female action has always been such a turn on to me, the the thought of her with her friend sends my mind running wild. But at the same time we have this incredibly intimate relationship and I almost feel like I'm betraying it by letting myself be turned on by the idea of her with her friend, something that doesnt even involve me... I dont have conflicting feelings about the fact she's been with other guys, It's the past, I dont want to think about it, I dont need to think about it. It would certainly disgust me if she hooked up with another guy while we are in a relationship.... but the feeling is different if it was a girl she hooked up with I would feel totally different about it (keeping in mind this is all hypothetical situations in my head to try and understand my mind, there is no chance of her cheating on me). So really I'm just trying to figure out my own feelings, I can already feel myself almost fantasizing about threesomes and I feel like I'm betraying our intense intimacy just with that hint of a thought. I kinda wish I didnt know about her bi-sexuality so my mind wouldnt run wild and I could feel more pure about our sexual intimacy, without this slightly betraying fantasy that has entered my head.
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 DON'T go there... Bringing it up would only make her insecure about you wanting her best friend, trust me. Women are bi-curious, not to be confused with bi-sexual.
smudge21 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I agree with D-Lish mostly, but it depends on how she told you; was it just in passing, was it with regret or was it like she was proud and quite excited that she'd done it. In any relationship, when there's something on one persons mind, it can easily build up and seriously affect the relationship. Often it's best to be honest and talk it out, but I can see D-Lish's viewpoint on this too. Maybe she'd appreciate your honesty if you tell her how you feel, but then again, she may be put off that you're feeling that way. It's a tough call, and I believe it all depends on how she feels about it now.
Author Oval Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 It was totally just in passing. We were joking around while talking about her friend.. I jokingly said something about them hooking up/having a lesbian encounter, she kinda looked away a little bit shyly and said "well we did hook up a couple of times" it never got talked about in depth. Bi-curious would probably be where she would fit on the sexuality spectrum (total speculation I guess), shes never been in a relationship with a woman and i doubt shes made love to a woman. Yeah, you guys are probably right about not bringing it up, but I do want to be able to shut off the thoughts and feelings, because I really want to be loyal to her... even within the confines of my own mind! thats how much I love her and how special our connection is to me (and to her I feel) Are all women bi-curious? I feel like if I could understand the concept a bit more I could sort out these thoughts perhaps
Author Oval Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 Oh yeah, and we are talking about encounters that happened about 10 years ago when she was late teens/early twenties
smudge21 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 If her mood is quite light hearted about it, and this is really eating you up, then maybe you should say something. I mean, what are your fears? That she'll think you fancy her friend more - I don't see that. Or that she'll think you're only after her to experience a threesome? Maybe, but doubtful. It's a matter of deciding whether you can put it out of your mind or is it going to build up and eventually affect the relationship. Most problems happen with couples simply don't communicate, but that said, sometimes it's better not to. I guess it's all down to how you feel about it. As for women being bi-curious, yeah, I think most are at some point. I know my ex was, but it was all talk, she'd never done anything. It was a long time ago and she simply experimented. I got to be honest, yeah, hearing that would turn me on too... so I guess I'd be in the same boat as you right now. Leave it for a while and see if she brings it up again. See how she speaks about it if she does. Judge her reactions in order to tell you how you should proceed.
tonyp56 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 You need to let it go. A) You bring it up, she likes the idea, you two bring in a 3rd (or she goes out on her own), they get into it, you lay and watch and then after words you are bummed! B) You tell her what you've been thinking about she gets upset and can't look at you the same and your relationship ends or goes down hill... I'm sorry, you like the idea of her with another woman, but if you really stopped and thought about it, while it is a turn on as a fantasy, if it happened, your feelings would be hurt and your relationship would likely be hurt as well. Cheating is CHEATING no matter who the cheating is done with. It sounds good now, but if it happened you would feel different. If you leave her male partners in her past leave her bisexual past IN THE PAST.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I would be very normal to have this not sit well but just for the reason of wondering what her orientation is. The complication of it being a turn on too surprises me because I have never been OK with someone I love getting involved that way--but that assumes that she'd be acting it out after we were together. I have no say in what happened before. I guess you brought this on by disclosing something I would never do in a million years. Too bad for you you went there and she replied honestly. Now you're stuck with it. Good luck.
LoveandSuch Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 You questioned if all girls are bicurious, no, it has been popular lately to use this as an attention seeking tool, and I think it is lame. Men can be extremely gullible to this tactic. I have never been attracted to the fake lesbian games. I at time, get these strange urges and attraction. Very rarely, depends on the person. I saw this girl the other day, hot!, in a confusing male/female way, hard to describe. She was butch, but also ((feminine enough)), to draw a female in with her MALE characteristics, strong, chiseled features, mixed with pretty feminine features. She looked like she could take over for a man and do damn well, lol. I had a strong urge to go flirt, go play. Is this strange?????
smudge21 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 You questioned if all girls are bicurious, no, it has been popular lately to use this as an attention seeking tool, and I think it is lame. Men can be extremely gullible to this tactic. I have never been attracted to the fake lesbian games. I at time, get these strange urges and attraction. Very rarely, depends on the person. I saw this girl the other day, hot!, in a confusing male/female way, hard to describe. She was butch, but also ((feminine enough)), to draw a female in with her MALE characteristics, strong, chiseled features, mixed with pretty feminine features. She looked like she could take over for a man and do damn well, lol. I had a strong urge to go flirt, go play. Is this strange????? Isn't that one of the definitions of bi-curious though - to wander about it occasionally. I know it can also be used for when someone has even gone as far as getting involved with someone of the same sex, but my take on it has always been it's an urge, a feeling, a moment that occasionally repeats itself to be more than just a one off. In other terms, it's simply being curious. I do think it's not limited to women either. I know from growing up I did have similar thoughts to what you mentioned, but very rare and never did anything about them. It was just a curiousity.
quietGuy13 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Most women seem to be BI so whenever you get in a relationship(if youre a guy) well at least for me I would expect the girl to be turned on by girls. It's just the way it is.
LoveandSuch Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I understand what you are describing. I do believe there is bi-curious and that there is are overwhelming bi-attention seekers. Bi-curious is a feeling usually kept privately, a strong and overwhelming feeling toward the opposite sex. Possibilities: a) Females out getting drunk or slightly drunk, and oh, how can we get more attention, oh, let's kiss, ooh I kissed a girl. There is no intense draw toward one another physically. An attention maneuver. (Really, how many straight men do you see out there bi-curiously kissing one another?) It is fake. b) The boy-girl relationship is running a little dry, what can the girl do to spice it up? Fake interest and over exaggerate girl-girl stories to rev up interest in man. c) Bi-curious- A strong, immense, draw, attraction toward the same sex. This attraction is not done for the benefit of turning on a man or used as story-time to fill an attention well, for just revving up the curiosity of a male partner.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 (edited) We've been bf and gf for about 3 months, known each other for 2 years, have been seeing each other romantically for about 6 months. Everything is perfect. We are very in love. We have a very very close intimate relationship, we talk about every little thing in depth and share all our insecurities fears etc. We're already talking about marriage and kids (light and easy, nothing too full on, but with definite hopes) She told me that she hooked up with her best friend (who is still her best friend) when she was younger. I don't know how I feel about this. Don't get me wrong, this isnt by any means a serious problem, doesnt make me have doubts about her or our future together. It just creates a conflicting feeling inside me. Female-female action has always been such a turn on to me, the the thought of her with her friend sends my mind running wild. But at the same time we have this incredibly intimate relationship and I almost feel like I'm betraying it by letting myself be turned on by the idea of her with her friend, something that doesnt even involve me... I dont have conflicting feelings about the fact she's been with other guys, It's the past, I dont want to think about it, I dont need to think about it. It would certainly disgust me if she hooked up with another guy while we are in a relationship.... but the feeling is different if it was a girl she hooked up with I would feel totally different about it (keeping in mind this is all hypothetical situations in my head to try and understand my mind, there is no chance of her cheating on me). So really I'm just trying to figure out my own feelings, I can already feel myself almost fantasizing about threesomes and I feel like I'm betraying our intense intimacy just with that hint of a thought. I kinda wish I didnt know about her bi-sexuality so my mind wouldnt run wild and I could feel more pure about our sexual intimacy, without this slightly betraying fantasy that has entered my head. The LAST thing you want to do is marry and have a family with a bisexual woman. If she is actually bisexual, there is a good chance she will some day become a full-blown lesbian. Studies show that as bisexual people get older, they tend to veer closer towards homosexuality. And if is she is "bi-curious", as another poster called it, which means that she wants to hook up with other women because Lady Gaga does it and it's considered trendy, it is a huge red flag in its own right. Such girls are not long-term relationship material, take my word for it. Edited August 19, 2011 by Feelsgoodman
LoveandSuch Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Take these, cough, bi curious females to a non mainstream lesbian club. Do this without getting drunk, and you will see how "non" bi-curious your female friend is.
John Michael Kane Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Just because she's bi doesn't mean it's okay for you to think or even try to have a threesome with her and her "friend."
smudge21 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Take these, cough, bi curious females to a non mainstream lesbian club. Do this without getting drunk, and you will see how "non" bi-curious your female friend is. That's a good point. I mean, I know a few girls who would consider themselves bi-curious, but it's generally towards women who are clearly not lesbian. I guess it is just a simple curiosity. Maybe bi-curious people can only ever be with other bi-curious people. I feel the need to conduct a survey... wonder how many times I'll get laughed at or punched?
LoveandSuch Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 That's a good point. I mean, I know a few girls who would consider themselves bi-curious, but it's generally towards women who are clearly not lesbian. I guess it is just a simple curiosity. Maybe bi-curious people can only ever be with other bi-curious people. I feel the need to conduct a survey... wonder how many times I'll get laughed at or punched? 99.9% of bi curious females are claiming this and acting in this fashion for a man's FANTASIES. It is not honest. They are manipulating you. Everyone knows that the number one male fantasy are fake lesbians. A threesome with fake lesbians. 2 straight women kissing. They are not bi-curious. The only intention and result they are seeking is to garner higher interest and the interest is male attention. Men are EXTREMELY gullible in believing this.
LoveandSuch Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Bi-curious only liking other bi curious= attention seeking attention, good or bad, anyway to get it, I need attention. Yuck, turn off! Mmmmm, this topic brings my attention back to this girl, she caught me off gaurd, and saw me looking, and had this strong air about her/him, very confident, a little cockiness, devilish grin. More interesting than any of the males in the room.
giuliano-3 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 99.9% of bi curious females are claiming this and acting in this fashion for a man's FANTASIES. It is not honest. They are manipulating you. Everyone knows that the number one male fantasy are fake lesbians. A threesome with fake lesbians. 2 straight women kissing. They are not bi-curious. The only intention and result they are seeking is to garner higher interest and the interest is male attention. Men are EXTREMELY gullible in believing this. So my ex was definitely more than bi-curious. This actually might explain some things. She truly enjoyed being intimate with another female. But you also say she may have been pretending with the other girl? But what if the other girls were definitely lesbian? Guess I had a bi-sexual GF, I was just more comfortable thinking of her as bi-curious. I wasn't really involved, just saw her kissing another girl twice and she told me a couple stories about her past. It was akward seeing her randomly kiss another girl one night, I wasn't happy about it. Not my fantasy, LoveandSuch - but I'm with ya. We are a sad, gullible lot. Flash that devious smile and they get most men to do pretty much whatever they need them to. For awhile anyway.
LoveandSuch Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 So my ex was definitely more than bi-curious. This actually might explain some things. She truly enjoyed being intimate with another female. But you also say she may have been pretending with the other girl? But what if the other girls were definitely lesbian? Guess I had a bi-sexual GF, I was just more comfortable thinking of her as bi-curious. I wasn't really involved, just saw her kissing another girl twice and she told me a couple stories about her past. It was akward seeing her randomly kiss another girl one night, I wasn't happy about it. Not my fantasy, LoveandSuch - but I'm with ya. We are a sad, gullible lot. Flash that devious smile and they get most men to do pretty much whatever they need them to. For awhile anyway. If she thoroughly enjoyed making out with true bona fide lesbians without the presence of another male, and likes males, yes she may be bi sexual. Bi-curious is BS if you ask me. You see this alot in bars with drunk barstools, meaning bar girls, who start making out with eachother and the reason is to garner attention from males. It is done to be slutty. This is the only point in doing so. Attention. It is not a cake walk in referring to true, real attractions, regarding other women. I like males alot, and know from experience this can cause TOO much heartache and fighting between 2 females who like eachother. The fights, feelings of betrayal, and jealousy is equal to or heavily more intense as with opposite sex relationships. A man wants to get punched, come between 2 women.
Disillusioned_Wife Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 You need to let it go. A) You bring it up, she likes the idea, you two bring in a 3rd (or she goes out on her own), they get into it, you lay and watch and then after words you are bummed! B) You tell her what you've been thinking about she gets upset and can't look at you the same and your relationship ends or goes down hill... I'm sorry, you like the idea of her with another woman, but if you really stopped and thought about it, while it is a turn on as a fantasy, if it happened, your feelings would be hurt and your relationship would likely be hurt as well. Cheating is CHEATING no matter who the cheating is done with. It sounds good now, but if it happened you would feel different. If you leave her male partners in her past leave her bisexual past IN THE PAST. I disagree with you completely being that I spent 2.5 years in a three way relationship, 2 women, 1 man. We lived together, ate together, hell worked together and basically worked as a team. Bisexuality isn't a desire, it's a need. One we either chose to fulfill or not. The reason I left that relationship was due to the female being verbally, mentally and physically abusive. If it weren't for that I'd still be there in that relationship with them. We all shared the same bed too. It can work and it depends on the people, just like any relationship, making it work. This type of relationship is NOT cheating. Cheating isn't always "cheating" in this case, for lack of better words.
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