Lilmisus Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Last night, my best friend and I stayed at my dads' house (while he wasn't there) in a different city as a way to take a short little vacation. While there, we decided to live the night up by going into town and getting very drunk. For me - who just turned 21 and refused to drink before then - it was a new experience for me, and it surprised not only my friend, but the number of people I sent texts to and who read my Facebook status updates (I even sent Mr. Cute Guy a text, but followed it with Idk, which ended that convo) One of the guys I texted (and called) throughout the night, was my good friend/coworker. A couple weeks ago, I posted a thread about him here. Where I basically said that he was flirting and what not with me but was saying that he wasn't interested and I was really confused as to what he wanted, since I thought it was understood we were just friends. Y'all mainly said that he was looking for a fwb, but was testing the waters with me without really saying it. Since then, he has hooked up and tried to start a relationship with my good friend's good friend who he met a couple weeks ago. At the beginning of that, he was still trying to hook up with my good friend, and according to him, he thought she liked him, but found out later that she didn't. And from what I gather..my friend's friend didn't like him because he is "too nice" and not "bad boy" enough for her, and also too clingy. But him and I have still been talking pretty consistently, even though I've tried to steer away from talking about him and my friend and her friend. Last night, when I got drunk, I started off by sending him the simple "Hey, I'm drunk!" message, which escalated into a lot more. I told him how I really wanted a guy right now, and if I remember correctly, he said that he thought it was funny (or sad..don't remember which) that I didn't consider him a guy. I said "while you're not here!" and we started flirting a LOT. He said that if he was there, he'd kiss me, that he liked me, and all that good stuff. And I think I said something about wanting him and saying that I liked him. I called him at the end of drinking because my friend (who was also drinking) was trying to drive us home and I was literally freaking out (I called another friend too ) and I asked him to help me out and told him I didn't want to die. I said that if I died, that he was amazing, and to tell my good friend that I loved her. My best friend reassured him that she wasn't drunk, and afterward she told me he sounded like a great guy. That wasn't the bad part though The bad part was when we got back to the house, I sobered up, and we like legit talked. He said that he does like me, that he wants to satisfy all of my desires, and all that crazy stuff. He also said that he isn't good for me, and knows that I can't do the whole "friends with benefits" stuff. He kept saying how I was turning him on (I forget what I was saying...) and that he can't wait to see me at our friend's party Saturday. He asked if I do like, and I said "I don't know..maybe. Honest answer" cause I don't know, and I may, but I also know that I REALLY don't want to date another coworker. We talked again today, and it was mostly clean, but God, I'm so confused right now. I don't even know what I want from him, and I think I may like him, but it looks like WAY too much drama for me to be willing to handle right now. What do I tell him? What should I expect next time I see him - which is probably at the party? (which btw, I'm inviting my best friend, and a good guy friend that I used to have a crush on, to come with me...he doesn't know though). Should I expect him to try to make a move on me, or should I just act like nothing happened? He's a good guy, and I love having him as a friend..but I'm not sure if I can do anything more than that.
Asics Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 People aint gonna read that huge wall of text. Make cliff notes (summary in point form) if you want some replies.
Cee Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I read what you wrote and the two of you flirted and toyed with the idea of getting together, but he's not interested in anything more than sex. And he respected you enough to not lie to you and be up front about it. I would leave this whole thing be. It sounds like you can hook up with him if you want to on Saturday. But then you will have a mess on your hands because he'll find a way to keep you at a distance. And him being a co-worker would not make this ideal person to have casual sex with. And in your other thread, you said you weren't that interested in him. And he drinks too much. Leave it be. A one night stand could cost you your job. In these recessionary times, it's not worth it. In time, you'll find somebody who is better for you.
sm1tten Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 This is pretty much all I took away from all of that: it looks like WAY too much drama because it does. Leave it alone.
Kamille Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 He said that he does like me, that he wants to satisfy all of my desires, and all that crazy stuff. Oh how I remember being 21 and having guys trying to seduce me with those kinds of line. Glad it didn't work on you Lilmisus. Cee pretty much nailed the advice on this situation. I wish I had had Cee around in my early 20s.
vsmini Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 DO NOT DO THE FOLLOWING: Sleep with himPlay it cool and lie to yourself and act like it's totally fine that you're FWBGet upset and overanalyze your own self-worth when he actually finds a girlfriend that he wants to commit to or ignores you at work outings and flirts with other girls. Recipe for disaster. The fact that you work together is awful too. It will exacerbate the issue so much more.
vsmini Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Oh how I remember being 21 and having guys trying to seduce me with those kinds of line. Glad it didn't work on you Lilmisus. Cee pretty much nailed the advice on this situation. I wish I had had Cee around in my early 20s. First order of business: Everyone over the age of mid-twenties fully admit that NO 21 year old guy has ever been able to satisfy your every desire.
Author Lilmisus Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 First order of business: Everyone over the age of mid-twenties fully admit that NO 21 year old guy has ever been able to satisfy your every desire. When I read that he said that, I burst out laughing and showed my best friend (who I was reading the texts to the entire time, even as her and I were both talking to her guy), and we were both like wtf? I definitely didn't believe him, even while drunk. But what y'all are saying is pretty much how I feel, so it's pretty reassuring. It just sucks, because the one chick he hooked up with was right, he definitely is a clinger. Since then, he's been texting me like crazy, and doing unnecessary flirting. And I'm trying to remind myself that my friend and I talked about dating him once, and I told her that I never could because of how big of a flirt he is, and how much he flirted with both of us when things were still "great" with his son's mother. He'd ask my friend to come over and cuddle, picture him naked, and to take showers with him - while in a relationship. It just sucks because I feel like I've dug my hole way too deep right now. He thinks I like him, even though I told him I didn't know if I did or not, and thinks I'm okay with the thought of getting together with him - which I'm not. I'm an expert at pretending nothing happened when I see people - especially him, so I'm not worried about work and how awkward it will be there, I'm just worried about how far he's planning on taking this? How do I effin' draw the line to let him know that I made a mistake?
Kamille Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 How do I effin' draw the line to let him know that I made a mistake? While at the party: With a huge smile and preferably after giving him a hug: "(Guy's name) so great to see you! I had a great time the other night, but after giving it some thought, I feel it's better if we kept our relationship purely platonic." Then move on to chatting up other, perhaps more stable guys at the party. Take the power back.
Author Lilmisus Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 While at the party: With a huge smile and preferably after giving him a hug: "(Guy's name) so great to see you! I had a great time the other night, but after giving it some thought, I feel it's better if we kept our relationship purely platonic." Then move on to chatting up other, perhaps more stable guys at the party. Take the power back. Good idea - especially since it doesn't include me telling him over the phone in anyway. He keeps texting me, and I keep ignoring I'm such a jerk.
Cypress25 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 In the future, your friends should take your phone away from you when you get drunk. Also in the future, you should have a designated driver.
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