michelle956 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 hello, I need some advice. I'm broken. My now ex fiance broke off our engagement in May but we've still been talking. However, yesterday after we got intimate, I found a song (he's a songwriter) with lyrics that were clearly about me... it wasn't good. He tells me he's been trying to tell me he wants nothing to do with me and when I tell him that's not true cuz he'll still jump into bed with me, he says I make him. This was LITERALLY yesterday. Today he deletes me on Facebook. I'm leaving a lot out but tell me if that's not something I should wanna die over..
Lilmisus Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 hello, I need some advice. I'm broken. My now ex fiance broke off our engagement in May but we've still been talking. However, yesterday after we got intimate, I found a song (he's a songwriter) with lyrics that were clearly about me... it wasn't good. He tells me he's been trying to tell me he wants nothing to do with me and when I tell him that's not true cuz he'll still jump into bed with me, he says I make him. This was LITERALLY yesterday. Today he deletes me on Facebook. I'm leaving a lot out but tell me if that's not something I should wanna die over.. This is way too confusing to be able to give you a straight answer, honestly. You need more details and to tell us what more of what happened if you want solid advice. And fyi...even if guys don't want to be in a relationship with you, some will still sleep with ya if you're willing.
Author michelle956 Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 I will be 21 next month and my now ex-fiance is 32. We have known each other about a year and we met at Guitar Center, where I work. He's originally from Memphis, TN and I'm born and raised in this border town in Texas. What brought him here was his job and so he's used to having more options than me to do things. This town is extremely mediocre and has nothing else to offer for people my age but corruption (clubs, etc.) and sadly, since I am a people pleaser, I conformed and just was passed the time with that but when I met him, I knew a man like him didn't need someone who was into that. Needless to say, we hit it off pretty quickly and within a month, talks of marriage came into the picture. I moved to San Antonio around the time we met (because before I met him I was already on that path with a friend and he said he didn't want to hold me back and would be there every step of the way). I pretty much altered my whole life and he just plugged me into his. He didn't do much before he met me but write songs/play guitar since he hates it here. I have only gone out (literally) a handful of times since we met a year ago due to peer pressure from friends. So we broke up two months after we met briefly because he claims he asked me if there was any history ever between a male friend of mine but I know for a fact he asked me if there was just anything going on when we first met cuz he didn't wanna be played. I told him no because I remember the question but in his mind, he thinks he asked something different so when it came out later that in high school there was history, I "lied". I valued him more than my friend so I cut off ties with him but of course, the problem didn't end there. We got back but it was kind of stuck in his head and that just made him have this horrible perception of things that involved the opposite sex. We began fighting a lot but every time we made up, I thought we had sorted out the previous issue. It's like he would look for dirt and would pile them on top of me when we'd fight. He ALWAYS wanted to break up, never fix things. Literally, we never had a fight we he didn't suggest breaking up. He connected dots that weren't even there to begin with and it was just a mess...I was too. I'd drive to and from my hometown and San Antonio (remember we were trying long distance) every time we'd fight. Every time I'd "hurt" him, I would always come up with some inventive way to make it up to him.. (ex.) I burned the pictures I had with that problem friend and a poem about how I loved him and wanted our love to rise from the ashes as my friendship with the other guy burned away) I always understood his perspective on situations but all I wanted was for him to understand mine. He mistook that for me "knowing I would always hurt him but not caring enough to respect him". I felt he stopped trying to take my thoughts seriously a long time ago because it never mattered what I said about anything. He said perception became reality and since his perception was me "showing red flags" of cheating, that's what it was. (I'd also like to add I have not hung out with a guy since we met). So anyways, he proposed on Valentine's Day this year since we were doing pretty well for a while, and I decided to move back to my hometown to save my parents the money, both of us the time of driving up and down, and I just wanted to make this work. Two weeks after I move back though, he breaks up with me. He says he's tired of fighting and that a lot of what we went through shouldn't have happened if I really loved him. I never ONCE even had the THOUGHT of cheating on him but in his mind, half of what I was doing was shady. We broke up in May but have been seeing each other up until a week ago and he STILL brings up things from last October. He is living in the past. He says "things keep coming up" but we haven't had any new argument for 4 months..it's been the same argument over and over. I'm not one to ever put up with this and everyone I've ever known knows that and thinks I'm an idiot. They have a right to think that because that's how I feel. I just don't understand how I can sacrifice and make so many major life decisions and he can't see the effort. Everyone I talk to says it sounds like I've been trying like a chicken with its head cut off and that he is blind but everytime I even try to point things out to him, he flips everything on me and says everyone he's talked to has said I'm probably a gamble. I just get so frustrated. I was always preaching to "never change your life for a guy" but I thought he was the exception. He was perfect when we weren't fighting but when we fought, it's like he got in self defense mode and 180ed. He'd say one thing when we'd fight and take it all back the next day. He says I should've known our break up was coming because of all the fighting but the "fighting" was just me telling him to stick it out because we're a team. All I ever did was beg him to love me as I loved him. At one point this summer, I felt we were going good for a few weeks and it felt like it did before all the problems but then when his car broke down (when he picked me up), he was venting to me about how frustrated he was about money and he said he was angry at God cuz he prays so hard to help him out. I tried to lighten things up by saying maybe God was testing his faith through trail and he said," or maybe God is telling me to grow some balls and stop answering your calls." That was when I snapped and told him I didn't deserve the projection of his life. He said he's felt like he's never had time to get over everything that's happened and that even though he's made his decision about us, it's either we fight cuz we're broken up or he remains peaceful and ("by force") gives me what I want. I thought everything was genuine (he was sending me cute texts again and telling me he loved and and being affectionate) but he said he would do that to avoid me getting mad at him. He said if he wanted to be with me, he wanted to pursue and he hasn't. I had gone a week and a half without any contact but I called him cuz I was crying about some family issues and he wouldn't wanna hear it because he said I'm just telling him how much he ****ed up my life, which isn't what I was trying to do. He got mad and literally said he would walk home and got out of his car. He came back but I felt like an idiot. The next day I saw him because that night he gave me the wrong information about what day it was and I came into work thinking it was Thurs. when it was Wed. so he picked me up and that's when we got intimate. I still love him but I don't want to force him. I've already tried and it's just pushed him further away. I'm just so devastated. I haven't felt like myself since we broke up. I used to lit up a room and my family says I look dim. I can't believe a lot of what he has done or said.
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