Trying to move on.

[dontstopbelieving]

My story isn't as intense as others on here, but I just need to get my feelings out since I'm just at a loss. My ex broke up with me on the August 1st, which to me I feel I was more lost because he never expressed the way he felt until that day.

 

We have only been dating for 4 months, I understand that's a short period of time but this has been the hardest (I've had longer relationships that I have walked away without this much pain). When we started dating it happened so fast, we went from just talking to meeting all of his closest friends and being called his girlfriend. I, at the time thought things were going fast but I mutually was into him as well so I let go. We just clicked.

 

Everything was fine, until about the third month, he became extremely busy with work and family since his father has cancer. I was trying to be understanding as possible because I knew the circumstances around it and I know it wasn't easy especially with his father being ill. By the end of the 3rd month, I just felt he was becoming distant and I wasn't sure if it was from everything going on or if he was just not into it anymore. So I decided to initiate that talk and asked him since I was feeling a weird vibe if he was losing interest. I know if I had to ask that's pretty bad, but I've tipped toed around as long as I can and just need to have that discussion. Well sure enough, he tells me its not that he's losing interest and he's sorry if he gave me that impression its just a lot going on right now.

 

Fast forward to end of July, he calls me like usual and has a normal conversation (mind you even with his busy schedule we don't see each other everyday but we talk on the phone everyday). The next day August 1st, he breaks up with me. He begins with I have been battling internally for the last two weeks but I just don't see us being long term. He said he still means what he said about me (all the good things he told his best friends) and that I have a lot to offer but its just not working out. I'm not that young, I understand these happen in relationships especially this early on but what hurts me the most is that I tried to have this conversation with him about this literally a month before and I got nothing. Now out of nowhere he decides to drop his on me. All I could do while he sat there breaking up with me was, give him no hurt reaction from me. He looked a bit confused, but I just accepted the break up and told him at least he's a man for telling me this now rather than later on. He also puts in there, "I know people say this all the time but I want to keep in contact with you." I just told him, it is what it is and all I can do is move forward. He walked me to my car and watched me drive away which was really awkward, but not once did I break down or show him any hurt emotion. Of course I'm hurt, I know I will move on but its just so hard. Its been about 17 days no contact now, not really sure why I'm taking this as hard. I know I'll probably never know the reason why he broke up with me. Its just hard to let him go since he was so good to me and I can't find anything bad about the relationship that I can think about when I'm missing him. I been battling with myself lately if I should send him one last email to tell him my thoughts. But I know he doesn't deserve that because its not like he never asked, he already made his decision that we were done and obviously whatever it was he didn't like he didn't want to deal with it. I don't know...should I write one last letter?

Edited August 19, 2011 by dontstopbelieving

[FinOuch]

Personally, I don't think you should write the email.

First...he probably was being honest in that he was battling with it for a month, and (unless he's an impulsive tool - which you don't want, right?) he's already thought this through before making his choice. Nothing you say is going to change that right now.

 

Second...the letter would likely not accomplish much of anything. You don't really know what motivation he had for breaking things off (and likely never truly will), so the letter may be met with a perception of desparation, or it may focus on the wrong issues, etc. Depending on what's going on in his head/heart...it could freak him out, make him feel guilty, make him feel pressured, etc etc etc. Any of these would likely further motivate him to distance himself from you further.

 

Finally...while it's very possible that there is some other circumstance outside of the relationship that brought this on (such as his father, work, or any other sort of stress), this is something he needs to work out on his own. The problem isn't you. The problem is him. And you can't fix him. If it truly is just a rough period in his life, eventually he will work through it on his own and perhaps even try to contact you and reinitiate things again. But it has to be on his terms, and in his own time.

 

 

If it helps to write the letter just to get the emotions out, do it. But sit on it for a while before sending it. At least a week or two. Chances are that by the time you've gotten it out of your system and sat on it for a good amount of time, you'll re-read it and see it from a completely different perspective and find that it's not something you truly want to send.

[dontstopbelieving]

Thank you, I appreciate your input. You're right, I should just keep moving forward. Him knowing my feelings will change nothing. I did write my feelings out on paper last week, but I will not send it. I just need to stay strong.