The Poster Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 It's tearing me up inside. Torturing me. I never thought I'd become something I'm not. I got controlling. And the WORST part of it is that I didn't even realize I was doing it until it was too late. I knew I got on her sometimes, and sometimes a little too much, but I looked at it more like looking out for her. Protecting her. I got carried away and pushed her away. I know what a lot of you will say..."people make mistakes" "you'll learn from it going forward" and while that is true, and that there is no way I'll act that way again, it cost me the best thing I've ever had. It's just too much to take. I told her how I felt, that I wanted redemption, I wanted to make it right, prove it to her...but there's nothing I can do anymore. It's not up to me. I've always been a believer in second chances, but it's really hard when you can't do anything except hope she gives you that second chance. Now, I will not put myself down completely because I DID do a lot for her. I was always there for her, took care of her, never left her side when she went through some depression issues. I gave her my all, until I lost sight of who I was and pushed her away. I don't know how I'll ever live this down. Anyone else have similar stories or any advice in this kind of situation?
smudge21 Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 It is true, we do all make mistakes because we are all human. But the point of mistakes is to learn from them. You don't learn from doing things right all the time (and anyway, who ever does). Sadly there's no cure for the way you feel - you're full of regret and probably repeating the word "should" quite a lot at the moment. You have to accept that you cannot change the past, and even if you could, what other mistakes would you make. Basically no matter what we do, there will always be times we screw up, make a fool of ourselves, hurt people, say or do the wrong thing, etc etc. Feeling bad about it is all natural and part of learning - those that don't regret their mistakes are not the kind of people you want to meet anyway. As for this specific regret you have right now, are you sure there's no coming back from it. Maybe in time, after you've allowed her to have space. As you say, there is always opportunity for a second chance, but that will come on her terms. In the meantime, work on fixing whatever it is that made you act this way. Look at yourself and see what it is that may have influenced your actions and the way you were with her. Try not to focus on wanting her back until you've worked on yourself and you truly do feel you're in a better place. No one knows what the future brings so no one can really say what will happen for you, but whatever it is, just try not to beat yourself up over past mistakes. There's nothing more expensive in life than regret, but the sad thing is, no matter how your life goes, there will always be something you regret. Good luck.
usabup Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 It's tearing me up inside. Torturing me. I never thought I'd become something I'm not. I got controlling. And the WORST part of it is that I didn't even realize I was doing it until it was too late. I knew I got on her sometimes, and sometimes a little too much, but I looked at it more like looking out for her. Protecting her. I got carried away and pushed her away. I know what a lot of you will say..."people make mistakes" "you'll learn from it going forward" and while that is true, and that there is no way I'll act that way again, it cost me the best thing I've ever had. It's just too much to take. I told her how I felt, that I wanted redemption, I wanted to make it right, prove it to her...but there's nothing I can do anymore. It's not up to me. I've always been a believer in second chances, but it's really hard when you can't do anything except hope she gives you that second chance. Now, I will not put myself down completely because I DID do a lot for her. I was always there for her, took care of her, never left her side when she went through some depression issues. I gave her my all, until I lost sight of who I was and pushed her away. I don't know how I'll ever live this down. Anyone else have similar stories or any advice in this kind of situation? Mate your break up sounds almost identical to mine. It was like I was reading my own post! Weird. I don't know how long you two have been broken up but ill help best I can. First of all, this type of break up is very sensitive because controlling another person is emotional abuse. There is no getting away from that. So the most important thing you can do at this point is give her all the space she needs and wants. You MUST do this. I unfortunately didn't and tried to make things right and it backfired terribly. Second of all, if you do get the chance to speak with her, offer to have some councelling. Not together, but alone. And if you decide to go ahead with it, it has to be because you want to and not just to get her back. Controlling behavier is deep routed and the councelling will probably dip up a load of stuff that you wernt even aware of. Each break up is different but from my experience with this, I got one small window to get her back and I messed it up terribly because I was so anxious to see her. I bugged the hell out of her and it drove her away. She won't even speak to me anymore. So that's why I say, its a very delicate situation and you must do everything on her terms. If you want any advice bro let me know. I'm 5 months down the road with this and the whole reason I have just come on this board is because iv got an overwhelming sense of guilt today and I needed to vent.
Author The Poster Posted August 18, 2011 Author Posted August 18, 2011 Thanks guys. To answer some questions, we broke up 6 weeks ago, but really it's been 3 and a half months because she recommended a "break" but essentially she checked out at that point. I have been working on myself ever since the day she sent me home on the break, which was May 1st. It didn't take me long to realize what I had been doing and know I needed to change. Admittedly on the break I got clingy and wanted so bad to prove to her that I was changing, and I think she noticed, but I wound up pushing her so much about getting back to a normal relationship that she had to end it. Now, we have been talking quite a bit (maybe every 3 days or so). We have a dog and she is still close to my family so I have been seeing her once a week or so. However, I have come to the realization that all it does is make me miserable seeing her because I see what I lost and it haunts me. I have decided since Sunday to go low contact and refuse to see her or the dog. It's not an easy decision, but it's best for me right now. Also, if she's going to want to work it out, she's going to have to start missing me, so avoiding her it is.
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