simpsonic Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I broke up with someone a month ago because I wanted more commitment and he didn't. I still have feelings for him somewhat, therefore I went NC, and have stayed that way. Since then I've been focusing on myself: school, volunteering, and hanging out with friends. I know eventually I will get over him completely and start meeting other guys. When this happens, would it be strange to start talking to him again, as strictly friends? He was an awesome guy all in all, and it would be a shame if I couldn't at least have him in my life. He even told me that he hoped we would be friends. Even now I know we'd never work out in the long run due to many circumstances, so I don't ever plan on getting back together. Have any of you stayed friends with an ex? Is it a good or bad idea?
69ways Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I believe is a bad idea, you are getting psychologically raped for no reason. Just let him be and if he really loves you he will be back with a reason of not committing and willing to give it another go.
PegNosePete Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Until you're over him, don't even go there. When you are over him... well, cross that bridge when you come to it. No point speculating. You might not even want ot be friends with him by then.
smudge21 Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 The second you feel you're okay to be friends with him again, just simply ask yourself one question: "would you still like to be more than friends?". If the answer is yes, then the feelings are still there; the hope is still holding on. That tiny bit of hope can bring all those emotions flooding back and set you back so far, believe me, I know. I am friends with some exs now, but we're talking a few years on from dating them, and when both of us have been involved with others. I know full well that there are no emotions any more so I can be fine with seeing them, but it takes time to get there.
fallenenvy Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 As a general rule id say its a bad idea to be friends... are there exceptions to the rule? sure. I'll go with both scenarios. Firstly, if you end up back in contact and try to be friends, often times you will find yourself wondering why you broke up, why it couldn't really work.. etc. and you feel like you want to give it another go... which 9/10 times ends badly because as you know at this point there are reasons you didn't work. Whenever i say one of my ex's (besides one that abused me i hate that f**ker)at first id be ok but quickly realized it kinda hurt and i didn't want to hear about his gf or how happy he was etc. made me sad and wasn't worth the emotional bs. ON THE OTHER HAND; sometimes friendship can work. My ex lives with me and my current bf and it works out as us being friends. The downside is there are times i get a bit sad because we were very close and i wonder why we broke up.. but i push those feelings away until he quickly reminds me of how childish and irresponsible he is by doing something stupid. It is a unique situation.. and i wouldn't recommend it to anyone.. it is an exception to the rule. Save yourself the future emotional pain and keep going NC....take it from someone that knows all too well. ~Fallen
Surf Rider Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I broke up with someone a month ago because I wanted more commitment and he didn't. I still have feelings for him somewhat, therefore I went NC, and have stayed that way. Since then I've been focusing on myself: school, volunteering, and hanging out with friends. I know eventually I will get over him completely and start meeting other guys. When this happens, would it be strange to start talking to him again, as strictly friends? He was an awesome guy all in all, and it would be a shame if I couldn't at least have him in my life. He even told me that he hoped we would be friends. Even now I know we'd never work out in the long run due to many circumstances, so I don't ever plan on getting back together. Have any of you stayed friends with an ex? Is it a good or bad idea? It is ultimatley your decision, but my ex is no longer my friend. She hurt me and my family terribly. Now i don't want to have anything to do with her.
flitzanu Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 i guess it depends. i'm friends with all my exes, but the time between breakup and friendship has varied greatly, and also based on who caused the harm. i just recently spoke to an ex of mine i'd not had contact for nearly 3 years, and when i thought about it, i didn't feel bothered to talk to her. forgiveness is a strong quality, and me personally...holding on to bitterness and anger is just damaging. when you wake up one day and realize you don't even care...that's the day you can try to be friends.
just_scott Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 k no kids together,no joint accounts,or realestate,or automobiles in both your names etc. then definatly being friends with your ex i'd say NAY hardly ever works out anyways being friends with an ex even married and divorced couples struggle with that one someone always resents the other for whatever reason ,you can be civil towards each other without being friends
Yuzuki Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I've been wondering about this as well. I'm friends with one "ex", but that probably doesn't really count because he lived far away from me and we never actually met in real life. Still, it lasted for years so I suppose that counts for something. It took quite a long time before we started talking again though, and even now it's not too often, so I guess it also depends on how much contact you require in order to call someone a friend. As for my current, and first real, breakup, I doubt I would be capable of being friends anytime soon. You need to have absolutely no interest in wanting them back first. And that may never be entirely the case. But everyone is different of course, some people do pull it off.
Mcnulty Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I think, from reading your words, that you could be friends. it doesn't sound like you're cut open by the demise of the relationship and neither does he, so suck it and see so to speak, give it a try, don't go by other people's rules, everyone is different. I haven't spoke to my ex for 2 years, had to cut contact as she was the love of my life, I could not go on normally with life if I'd stayed friends with her.
funnyface Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 ahhhh I am having the friends dilemma too... except I ended things, and he wants to be friends (which I have never experienced before, and am utterly confused by...) anyway, I have been through the "friends with ex" thing before. basically, I reached out to him after NC for a while and said "lets be friends", but basically because I still missed him, and I sort of didn't want to admit it to myself. DO NOT go there unless you are 200% over him!!!!!! trust me! it was a horrible mistake until I spend periods of time not speaking to him so that I could just get over it. It worked out okay for me, we still talk occasionally to this day, I am definitely way over him, but we are not like BEST friends.
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