TiredMama Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 As my name suggests, I am so freaking tired. I have known my husband for about 10 years. We dated briefly and then broke up (why did I no read my journal I wrote in during that time?). He was cold and distant during our break-up, but wanted sex like crazy. I eventually drew a line, set some boundaries and let him go. A year later, after surgery I was in dire need for a ride to the doctors office and called his Mom. He ended up driving me, and we started chatting again. We were "Friends" for another year, and then it became more. I thought I was being smart. I thought I was doing everything the right way. Well, now we have been married five years. I was supporting us while he was in school, and became very ill and lost my job. I collected disability that I had paid into through my work. Eventually though, with him in school we moved in with his parents. His mother was TERRIBLE to my daughter, but spoiled my son. He graduated school, and by this point I was unable to walk. He turned down every job offer he received. Telling me he "needed to recover" from school. I should point out here that though he was "there" it was my friends who really took care of me with my illness. His best friend got him multiple job interviews and he was never successful. Several of these folks came back to his friend, complaining that he obviously didn't really want to work. Two ears after he graduated, no job still. He allows his mom to be abusive, just wants to play computer games and smoke. Meanwhile his family questions my illness. Even though I have the best doctors in CA conforming what is going on. I am slowly getting better, his mom is getting worse. I finally had enough. I had gotten an inheritance from my mom, and decided it was time to move. With or without him. His friend does one last ditch effort to get him a job. Which works and he can telecommute. We move. His mom thinks I am a terrible bitch. Lots of emails go out to lots of people about my mental instability because I wanted to move. She spreads lies about me and my kids. For a year he works. Telecommuting. His contract came up for renewal. He did not like the contract, and his boss kept trying to renegotiate it for him. He just wanted to quit. And he did. Lying about the circumstances. Saying he had found a job at his dream company. His old boss begged him to continue working for them "on the side" at a day rate of roughly $350.00 a day. He declined. So began a year of total unemployment, living off my small disability check and selling damned near everything I owned. My mother died during this period of time, and before she died I took care of her out of state. He is the only dad my kids have known. They are now teenagers, but he leaves them utterly to their own devices. Doesn't do any cleaning, cooking, and lies about transportation issues. He is supposed to stay with my son during practice, but doesn't because "his back hurts". Lies to my daughter about going to the opening night of her play telling her he had to be with the boy. The kids are calling me wondering what they are doing wrong, and he is calling me saying he is having a heart attack every night (panic attacks). I came home to a house FULL of gnats. Seriously, it looked like the SIMS when things get dirty. Our bathroom had two inches of cat litter on the floor. No joke. So after taking care of my mom, hauling her around in and out of bed (and me using a cane), I had to come home and completely clean the house with the help of my kids. He refused to apply for any job out of his industry because he has a $50,000 education, and anything out of industry is insulting. Two job applications in a year. Finally, desperate I applied for assistance...which got his ass in gear to find a job. His $50,000 educated ass was sitting in a class full of people learning to type up a resume and conducting supervised job searches. He landed a job pretty quick. Now he acts like we have done something wrong that he needs to work. He becomes verbally abusive to the kids. A few months into his job he starts missing work all the time. Usually, a day a week from Thanksgiving to Christmas he misses 20 days of work. We are in and out of the ER for chest pain that is obviously panic attacks to anyone but him. He has multiple expensive tests that show nothing is wrong. Because of this behavior, and lack of funds, my kids have NOTHING for Christmas. I am slowly getting stronger, able to walk on my own with a cane, getting around doing PT to try to get better. His job decides not to renew his contract due to his absences. He tells me this is because of his "health". No work would say that because they could get sued for that. I find out from a friend in his department that it was due to his being absent. The whole last week of his work contract he misses. We had to go to the ER. They took out his appendix but everyone was commenting on the fact that he didn't seem to be in any real pain, wasn't running a fever, etc. The surgeon told me afterwards that once in there, there was no real signs of trouble, but he was there so he took it. My husband comes up with this elaborate story about how he had Chronic Appendicitis, and this is why he had missed so much work over the last year. Again more lies. Friends in the dept get him rehired for a 3month contract, if he ****s up he gets fired. If he doesn't he gets hired full time. Everyone likes him because he is very personable. Well, he missed three days in three weeks. SO he is on probation at this point. he keeps getting second chances. Meanwhile, he borrows money from his parents constantly. I have NO idea why we are constantly so short, and catch him in multiple lies regarding money, his parents, etc. Add to this that over the years he is constantly trying to get me to have sex with various people. I have several female friends who are gay or bi. He constantly shares dreams he has about us. Pushes us to have sex. When visiting friends back home he is emailing me and my friends with these fantasies. I am STRAIGHT. Constantly instigating stuff. He finally decides that a poly relationship might work. So he is continues to instigate things with my friends and stuff. People stop coming over. He is so nasty to the kids in front of people that people are getting fed up, and the kids friends stop coming over. This is me now, fed up. Done. Suddenly now my name is written on his soul. Now he is saying how he has always been there for me. How he took care of me when I was sick (like i said it was friends coming over that did that. Not him. Not his family). When we lived with his parents, I took care of them in spite of my illness when they both had serious health issues because that is what family does. He never had to miss school, or empty a chamber pot, or cook, or clean or change a dressing, or do a load of laundry. I had a breast cancer scare and his response was...if you have a mastectomy I will never be able to touch you again. But he wants credit for "being here". I am so damned tired. So fed up. My credit is ruined. I am not fully ready to work full time yet (and I mean physically ready), but I am looking for work because I have to get my kids out of here, and I need a break. He tells me now that my name is written on his soul, and tells people that he has NO idea why I want a divorce. Even though I have spelled it out repeatedly. FML
Frank13 Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Wow! What a horror story. What took you so long to want a divorce?
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