Lost and hurt

[Supermangt94]

Hey everyone, this is my first post here but I have been reading different stories from everyone. I will try to explain everything that is happening with me at the moment and maybe someone can give me some advice because I am so confused and lost I dont know what to do.

I have been with my wife for 3 1/2 years. Married for 2 1/2 years of it. We have had a great marriage with some up and downs like everyone. We have been living with my brother trying to save money to get a place of our own but is hard on me only making money because my wife was going to school full time. Well last year I lost my job and was offered a position in wisconsin. We live in florida. This was a difficult decision because it meant moving away from family and friends to start a new life. I went first for 2 months to get settled and it was hard on my wife and myself and my 13 yr old stepson (wifes son) But we made it through it and she moved up there with me and we had a place and both got great jobs and were doing good. We were in the process of moving our son up there by us when a wonderful thing happened my wife became pregnant. Sparing the details we lost our baby due to a tubal pregnancy after 2 months. She was devestated and has been on kolotapins for depression since we met. We agreed to move back to florida for family and so that she could be happy around them again. When we moved back we had an agreement to move back in with my brother till we found a place by september of this year. We moved back in april of this year. I took a job that was very stressful and it affected my personal life. Stress at home, started becoming distant from my wife. She said she felt like a roommate. We argued more and made up and finally one night we got into a bad argument over something small and stupid. We tried to make up and thought we did and she said she was going to the doctor to see if she was having mood swings. Well the doctor put her on Prozac. the first couple days she was really blah, wasnt herself. I tried telling her that and I didnt like it. Well a couple days later she said she wanted to go stay by her moms for a couple days to spend some time with our son since he was living there for the time being. I didnt think nothing of it because I wanted her to spend time with him as well. She spent the night at our place a couple nights and everything seemed fine, well I came home from work one day and all her stuff was gone but she left me a note saying that She isnt moving out just staying there till we get a place and she wants to be near her son. Also said she wants me to come there to spend the night too and she would still be sleeping at our place. So I was ok with it cause she called me and we talked and everything seemed ok. Well that weekend she sent me a text saying that she loves me and if i cant get ahold of her it is because she has no signal and she is going to new orleans. She has never done this before. I tried and tried to get ahold of her and nothing, then finally that sunday she messages me and says its over she wants a divorce. Then I didnt hear from her till she got back, she said she was gonna come over and talk to me and atleast tell me to my face. She did and I did the wrong thing and begged and pleaded. Well this has gone on for the past 45 days. She would tell me one day its over, then a couple days later she would come back and then leave right away again. It has really been messing with me. She has completely changed, she started drinking heavily, started smoking, going out everynight, neglecting her son. She started showing alot of the side effects of the prozac and finally she came to me and said she was scared. We talked about everything and she was seeing someone in that time that has been as far as i can tell manipulating her and got her to be this way. She said she wanted to come back home and be my wife and she was crying to me and apologizing. I took her back and forgave her and we started to fix everything. Even went to the doctor and he took her off the prozac (this was last week) he weened her off of it. Everything was perfect again she was acting like my wife. we were happy, her son was happy. We went and looked at houses and planned upcoming trips with her family. Well monday night before bed she went and took a prozac again and i didnt think anything of it. Tuesday morning was great and I came home on my lunch break to see her she was gone. Her ring was on the night stand, along with her phone and house keys. I havent heard from her and really have no way to contact her now. I talked to her mother and she said she is confused and advised me to give her space and time. I dont know what to do.....I am so lost and confused and need advice. I am convinced the prozac is still making her act like this and it scares me. Btw we are both 32. any advice is greatly appreciated

[robf1971]

Hey everyone, this is my first post here but I have been reading different stories from everyone. I will try to explain everything that is happening with me at the moment and maybe someone can give me some advice because I am so confused and lost I dont know what to do.

I have been with my wife for 3 1/2 years. Married for 2 1/2 years of it. We have had a great marriage with some up and downs like everyone. We have been living with my brother trying to save money to get a place of our own but is hard on me only making money because my wife was going to school full time. Well last year I lost my job and was offered a position in wisconsin. We live in florida. This was a difficult decision because it meant moving away from family and friends to start a new life. I went first for 2 months to get settled and it was hard on my wife and myself and my 13 yr old stepson (wifes son) But we made it through it and she moved up there with me and we had a place and both got great jobs and were doing good. We were in the process of moving our son up there by us when a wonderful thing happened my wife became pregnant. Sparing the details we lost our baby due to a tubal pregnancy after 2 months. She was devestated and has been on kolotapins for depression since we met. We agreed to move back to florida for family and so that she could be happy around them again. When we moved back we had an agreement to move back in with my brother till we found a place by september of this year. We moved back in april of this year. I took a job that was very stressful and it affected my personal life. Stress at home, started becoming distant from my wife. She said she felt like a roommate. We argued more and made up and finally one night we got into a bad argument over something small and stupid. We tried to make up and thought we did and she said she was going to the doctor to see if she was having mood swings. Well the doctor put her on Prozac. the first couple days she was really blah, wasnt herself. I tried telling her that and I didnt like it. Well a couple days later she said she wanted to go stay by her moms for a couple days to spend some time with our son since he was living there for the time being. I didnt think nothing of it because I wanted her to spend time with him as well. She spent the night at our place a couple nights and everything seemed fine, well I came home from work one day and all her stuff was gone but she left me a note saying that She isnt moving out just staying there till we get a place and she wants to be near her son. Also said she wants me to come there to spend the night too and she would still be sleeping at our place. So I was ok with it cause she called me and we talked and everything seemed ok. Well that weekend she sent me a text saying that she loves me and if i cant get ahold of her it is because she has no signal and she is going to new orleans. She has never done this before. I tried and tried to get ahold of her and nothing, then finally that sunday she messages me and says its over she wants a divorce. Then I didnt hear from her till she got back, she said she was gonna come over and talk to me and atleast tell me to my face. She did and I did the wrong thing and begged and pleaded. Well this has gone on for the past 45 days. She would tell me one day its over, then a couple days later she would come back and then leave right away again. It has really been messing with me. She has completely changed, she started drinking heavily, started smoking, going out everynight, neglecting her son. She started showing alot of the side effects of the prozac and finally she came to me and said she was scared. We talked about everything and she was seeing someone in that time that has been as far as i can tell manipulating her and got her to be this way. She said she wanted to come back home and be my wife and she was crying to me and apologizing. I took her back and forgave her and we started to fix everything. Even went to the doctor and he took her off the prozac (this was last week) he weened her off of it. Everything was perfect again she was acting like my wife. we were happy, her son was happy. We went and looked at houses and planned upcoming trips with her family. Well monday night before bed she went and took a prozac again and i didnt think anything of it. Tuesday morning was great and I came home on my lunch break to see her she was gone. Her ring was on the night stand, along with her phone and house keys. I havent heard from her and really have no way to contact her now. I talked to her mother and she said she is confused and advised me to give her space and time. I dont know what to do.....I am so lost and confused and need advice. I am convinced the prozac is still making her act like this and it scares me. Btw we are both 32. any advice is greatly appreciated

 

 

IMO you took her back way too easily,...

 

Your her backup option, you also need to do some digging to find out if there is someone else in the picture,

[Supermangt94]

IMO you took her back way too easily,...

 

Your her backup option, you also need to do some digging to find out if there is someone else in the picture,

 

 

Unfortunately there is. She was talking to a guy and she told me about it about 45 days ago. She said it was just a friend and from what I could tell it was. Always had access to her phone and everything but she has her best friend that doesnt like me and always trying to undermine our marriage. So my wife did tell me one night while they were out he was at the bar and her friend told her all this bad stuff about me and he took advantage of that and she is seeing him. When she did come back she was all in tears telling me how much she missed me and was sorry and didnt know why she was acting like this. The doctor took her off the prozac and she was great for a couple days but she ended up taking a pill again two nights in a row and basically changed again. I am scared for my wife right now because she is not in her right mind I dont think. Her mom told me the same thing and the doctor told us that it is gonna take a couple weeks for the pills to be completely out of her system. I am holding on to hope because I have seen my wife. I know how she is and this is not her. It is a night and day difference of being on prozac and being off of it. Today is day 3 of no contact and it is hard. The only thing that makes it a little easier is that she has left her phone with me so I have know way to get ahold of her.

[reboot]

Dude, she's been cheating on you all this time. It isn't the Prozac.

[Mauschen]

I agree - she is cheating. Classic signs of it.

 

You are only 32 and have no children with her. My advice - move on with your life. And I am not one to advocate divorce at all. But your wife has treated you like garbage, is not loyal, has left you wondering where she is and whether or not she is safe, etc. Not only that, but she is a mother who is neglecting her son. Does her son even know where she is? Would you really want to have this woman as a mother to your child(ren)? I say RUN!

[Supermangt94]

I know she is with the OM right now. Her mother informed me of it yesterday. When my wife came back she said her head was a mess, she admitted she didnt feel like herself. Got back into her bad habits that she had before she met me. Everyone close to her tells me that I need to give her space and let her get her head right. By all means I am no saint. In our marriage I have texted other women and flirted and no that isnt right but I liked the attention. I gave that all up when I realized what I was doing to my wife. She knew about it and we argued about it. I dont want to run. I love this woman with all my heart and soul. When she did come back she told me everything but I already knew. She is my soulmate. When we first met we both told each other that we knew we were going to marry each other from day one. I am just so confused. When she was not on the pills she was the perfect wife. We were great, when she got on them it was a 180 degree change. completely opposite of herself. She even came back one time and gave me the pills and begged me not to give them back to her because she was having too many side effects and it was messing her up. She was going great in school till this last 2 month ordeal has been happening. started missing classes. failing one major class and had to drop the course. This is not like her. Her parents and family said the same thing. I just dont know what to do. I dont want to run. I am holding on to a shred of hope that once this prozac finally gets out of her system my wife will be able to think clearly again and realize what we had and will have. I do appreciate the comments but again running is not my option. Should I continue the no contact to see what happens? She has no source of income, she has been supported by me for the last 3 years and I know the guy she is seeing does not work and cant pay for anything for her, she has told me this. I am just lost and confused

[reboot]

Yep, no contact is a great idea. That way she can bang her other man all she wants. Well, it's a great idea for the two of them anyway.

 

I'm not trying to be cruel, and I appreciate that you're lost and confused, but as long as there is someone else in the picture, your marriage doesn't exist. You can't work on anything, you can't fix anything.

 

Assuming you're still interested (and you seem to be, or at least think you are), she needs to come home, commit 100% to the marriage, go NC with the OM forever, and be willing to do anything and everything in her power to building a new, stronger relationship with you. If she's not willing to do all that and more, it's time to get a lawyer.

 

And the same applies to you as far as committing 100% and being willing to do anything and everything, so think long and hard about if you want to go through all that. It won't be easy. You might decide to just lawyer up instead.

[RebuiltNJ]

You are getting some great advice here. This story rings all to familiar for me. The work friend becomes the OM, the back and forth, even the mood enhancing meds. It took me awhile and the hard advice from some good friends, but I let her go and did NC. She never could give up the OM and now she does to him what she used to do to me. You don't have kids so you can cut and not have to look back.

If you do want to give it a shot, it has to be on your terms and they have to be clear and strong with zero tolerance for breaking the conditions.

Good luck and listen to the advice you are getting here. It may sound harsh but we've all been there in one form or another.

Sorry you are going through this.

[Supermangt94]

I do appreciate the advice here everyone. Today I was day number 3 with not contact then she sends me a text from my stepsons phone asking if I am ok. I mean WTH?!?! So I responded if she really wants to know then she can call and ask. Well she called. I did not beg or plead or anything just tried to talk to her civil and she was ok for the first min or two then out of no where got irritated at me and angry. I asked why is she all of a sudden acting like this and she said she didnt know. I asked her if she really wanted a divorce and she said yes then I said ok then go file the papers and that changed her tone and she said she wants to wait. Its almost like she is bi polar I dont know. The conversation didnt last long and I basically told her that I am not gonna contact her anymore, she can have all the space and time she wants because she is messing with my head and emotions. We got off the phone and I texted her that if she wants it like this then I want my stepsons phone back and my necklace she didnt leave and that she wont hear from me again. I got a response back saying "Im sorry. I hope your ok" then she calls back and says she wants to be friends but not sure and that we can talk online tonight and I said maybe and left it at that. Now I am not gonna talk to her tonight because today she has made me mad. So I am gonna take a couple days and cool off and not contact her for a while. Now I got a phone call from her ex step daughter that is still close with me and of course close with her. I consider her family even though she technically isnt. Well I talked to her for a while and explained to her everything that is going on, taking the prozac, drinking excessively, throwing up after drinking, smoking again and just how she is acting towards me. She explained to me that I need to hang on because my wife is not herself and she got like this before in her previous marriage and was seeing a counsler and she is showing signs like she did before. She told me that I need to hang on and wait this out because she will come back and she honestly believes that. Now I do appreciate the advice from everyone. I really do. I have been praying to god everyday for her safety since this all began. I also was concerned and I called her doctor today to make sure she couldnt get a refill for her prozac that he is weaning her off of, guess what, they forgot to cancel it. I explained to him all that was happening and while I was on the phone with him he got it cancelled to where she cant refill it anymore. That made me feel better that even if she does not come back that she will be safe. He also suggested that I call and get her brought in for detox and observing because of how she is acting and what she is doing. I cant do that to my wife. But my head is just a mess and I want to see a counsler and talk to someone but it is just hard to go and do. It makes me feel better when I can talk to all of you on here and vent and get advice. I appreciate everything.

[2.50 a gallon]

Get back at the OM and let him have her.

 

Run as fast and as far as you can

 

The loss of a child eventually destroys most marriages, as it is difficult to get over. In this case, my betcha is that she might be blaming herself.

 

It will take years of therapy and counciling, with many repeats of the episodes that you are now going through. If she does come back and is OK for awhile, you will be blindsided and blamed when it happens again, and again.

 

Do want to live the rest of you life like that? Cycles of happiness and pain.

 

Find yourself someone who loves you and you can trust