semvette56 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I have been on and off relationship for 6 1/2 years that ended last year. I was unsure of my feelings and unsure about how i felt about alot of things, and I let her go, not realizing why. I went on the next year doing my own thing but also obssessing over her as well, reading her emials, her facebook account, driving past her house, all that. We were still talking and fighting like we were in a relationship but still doing our own thing. Finally she found out that i was talking to a girl for a while, that to me wasnt serious at all and she said she was dfone with me. Since then all i kept thinking about was trying to work out things, but I found out in the worst way of me seeing her with someone else, that she is dating someone else. I have been living by myself for 2 years and this is mainly the reason why my life has turned upside down. I dont have a good family life and our relationshp was a up and down one, but one which I loved and had attachment to her. Now she is with someone else and I have to reason to go on anymore. I havent had sex in over a year and the last time I did was with her, she is the only I have had. I have tried to in the periods we were off with a few girls, but was unable to perform becuase of the thought of her and guilt and any other emotion i have. I am so regretful of losing her and the thought that she is having sex with someone else, I want to killl myself. I have been on and off suicidal for the last year and everyday I break down into an emotional meltdown. I have eperienced intense emotions for the last few years, and the onset of them gets triggered sometimes by thinking baout things or being in certain situations. Basically I went insane and have no control over anything anymore. Everyone sees me for who I am and my friends and family are all trying to help me, but I feel like i made this whole mess that there is no escaping out of. I see my ex at the gym still and I have to leave because I cant see her, knowing she is with someone else and is living her life, while my life has just been getting more and more messed up. I have no interest to do things during the day, especially when i have the sumer off. I had so many anxities about how to keep her happy when we were together that I pushed her away. I had thoughts about her body and that I deserved better and could get better, I just meesed my whole head up. when I talk about things, I dont make any sense bc my thoughts sometimes come in 1000 mph and are sometimes intrusive. I know I have to get over it, bc at this point she absolutely is done with me, and I have to live with the fact that the one person I truely did love and loved me is never going to be with me. There is so much more to this but I honestly cant begin to describe the things I have gone through the last few years. I have tried to get through it, by thinking it will just pass but I never dealt with anything and now Im so broken. I dont want to be with anyone else, and although I thought that I could get whoever I want, I have guilt and mental blocks about being intimate with someone else becasue of all the stuff that has happened, and what i have done and what i have thought and my current life situauton. I have nothing to live for anymore, as I lost the only cvhance of being with her. Now everyday that goes by I just cry and get angry and throw things and tell myself Im going to kill myself, but I dont want to bring that pain and suffeering to anyone, and dont want it to be that I did that becasue of losing her, bc she will just go on with her life after something like that happened anyways. I know i need to focus on me but I have such insecurties and worries that I screwed up my life and no one will be as good as her and even being open to other people. Im back to reality now that I didnt think would ever happen, that she would not be there anymore and be with someone else. I was a very selfish person and went through so much struggle in my head about trying to move on but i thought it was the best thing to do at that pont but now I wish I had the chance to get her back and work on all the things that were wrong or that I had to overcome. I just dont care about enjoying my life right now, and wish that I had never gone through all these different emotions and mental issues. Has anyone ever experiencfed some of these issues or feelings, bc I feel like while everyone is telling me they know how i feel, I can honestly say that no one understands the feelings that I go through and the reasons why I feel them, bc I cant even describe them myself.
KathyM Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I have been on and off relationship for 6 1/2 years that ended last year. I was unsure of my feelings and unsure about how i felt about alot of things, and I let her go, not realizing why. I went on the next year doing my own thing but also obssessing over her as well, reading her emials, her facebook account, driving past her house, all that. We were still talking and fighting like we were in a relationship but still doing our own thing. Finally she found out that i was talking to a girl for a while, that to me wasnt serious at all and she said she was dfone with me. Since then all i kept thinking about was trying to work out things, but I found out in the worst way of me seeing her with someone else, that she is dating someone else. I have been living by myself for 2 years and this is mainly the reason why my life has turned upside down. I dont have a good family life and our relationshp was a up and down one, but one which I loved and had attachment to her. Now she is with someone else and I have to reason to go on anymore. I havent had sex in over a year and the last time I did was with her, she is the only I have had. I have tried to in the periods we were off with a few girls, but was unable to perform becuase of the thought of her and guilt and any other emotion i have. I am so regretful of losing her and the thought that she is having sex with someone else, I want to killl myself. I have been on and off suicidal for the last year and everyday I break down into an emotional meltdown. I have eperienced intense emotions for the last few years, and the onset of them gets triggered sometimes by thinking baout things or being in certain situations. Basically I went insane and have no control over anything anymore. Everyone sees me for who I am and my friends and family are all trying to help me, but I feel like i made this whole mess that there is no escaping out of. I see my ex at the gym still and I have to leave because I cant see her, knowing she is with someone else and is living her life, while my life has just been getting more and more messed up. I have no interest to do things during the day, especially when i have the sumer off. I had so many anxities about how to keep her happy when we were together that I pushed her away. I had thoughts about her body and that I deserved better and could get better, I just meesed my whole head up. when I talk about things, I dont make any sense bc my thoughts sometimes come in 1000 mph and are sometimes intrusive. I know I have to get over it, bc at this point she absolutely is done with me, and I have to live with the fact that the one person I truely did love and loved me is never going to be with me. There is so much more to this but I honestly cant begin to describe the things I have gone through the last few years. I have tried to get through it, by thinking it will just pass but I never dealt with anything and now Im so broken. I dont want to be with anyone else, and although I thought that I could get whoever I want, I have guilt and mental blocks about being intimate with someone else becasue of all the stuff that has happened, and what i have done and what i have thought and my current life situauton. I have nothing to live for anymore, as I lost the only cvhance of being with her. Now everyday that goes by I just cry and get angry and throw things and tell myself Im going to kill myself, but I dont want to bring that pain and suffeering to anyone, and dont want it to be that I did that becasue of losing her, bc she will just go on with her life after something like that happened anyways. I know i need to focus on me but I have such insecurties and worries that I screwed up my life and no one will be as good as her and even being open to other people. Im back to reality now that I didnt think would ever happen, that she would not be there anymore and be with someone else. I was a very selfish person and went through so much struggle in my head about trying to move on but i thought it was the best thing to do at that pont but now I wish I had the chance to get her back and work on all the things that were wrong or that I had to overcome. I just dont care about enjoying my life right now, and wish that I had never gone through all these different emotions and mental issues. Has anyone ever experiencfed some of these issues or feelings, bc I feel like while everyone is telling me they know how i feel, I can honestly say that no one understands the feelings that I go through and the reasons why I feel them, bc I cant even describe them myself. It's time to put that relationship in the past, and stop beating yourself up over it. If you've broken up at various times during your relationship, you are not a match. You're not compatible for whatever reason. The sooner you accept that the relationship is over, the sooner you can move on to your future and future relationships. I would suggest you get individual counseling to help you get your head straight, and try to focus your thoughts on the future, and future goals, and getting yourself out there to meet new people. As long as you are mentally holding onto that relationship, it will interfere with any new ones. Time to let it go. See a counselor to help you let it go and to move on with your life. You're wasting precious time by living in the past, and preventing yourself from having a future. See a counselor so they can help you process your feelings and get past them.
John Michael Kane Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I have been on and off relationship for 6 1/2 years that ended last year. I was unsure of my feelings and unsure about how i felt about alot of things, and I let her go, not realizing why. I went on the next year doing my own thing but also obssessing over her as well, reading her emials, her facebook account, driving past her house, all that. We were still talking and fighting like we were in a relationship but still doing our own thing. Finally she found out that i was talking to a girl for a while, that to me wasnt serious at all and she said she was dfone with me. Since then all i kept thinking about was trying to work out things, but I found out in the worst way of me seeing her with someone else, that she is dating someone else. I have been living by myself for 2 years and this is mainly the reason why my life has turned upside down. I dont have a good family life and our relationshp was a up and down one, but one which I loved and had attachment to her. Now she is with someone else and I have to reason to go on anymore. I havent had sex in over a year and the last time I did was with her, she is the only I have had. I have tried to in the periods we were off with a few girls, but was unable to perform becuase of the thought of her and guilt and any other emotion i have. I am so regretful of losing her and the thought that she is having sex with someone else, I want to killl myself. I have been on and off suicidal for the last year and everyday I break down into an emotional meltdown. I have eperienced intense emotions for the last few years, and the onset of them gets triggered sometimes by thinking baout things or being in certain situations. Basically I went insane and have no control over anything anymore. Everyone sees me for who I am and my friends and family are all trying to help me, but I feel like i made this whole mess that there is no escaping out of. I see my ex at the gym still and I have to leave because I cant see her, knowing she is with someone else and is living her life, while my life has just been getting more and more messed up. I have no interest to do things during the day, especially when i have the sumer off. I had so many anxities about how to keep her happy when we were together that I pushed her away. I had thoughts about her body and that I deserved better and could get better, I just meesed my whole head up. when I talk about things, I dont make any sense bc my thoughts sometimes come in 1000 mph and are sometimes intrusive. I know I have to get over it, bc at this point she absolutely is done with me, and I have to live with the fact that the one person I truely did love and loved me is never going to be with me. There is so much more to this but I honestly cant begin to describe the things I have gone through the last few years. I have tried to get through it, by thinking it will just pass but I never dealt with anything and now Im so broken. I dont want to be with anyone else, and although I thought that I could get whoever I want, I have guilt and mental blocks about being intimate with someone else becasue of all the stuff that has happened, and what i have done and what i have thought and my current life situauton. I have nothing to live for anymore, as I lost the only cvhance of being with her. Now everyday that goes by I just cry and get angry and throw things and tell myself Im going to kill myself, but I dont want to bring that pain and suffeering to anyone, and dont want it to be that I did that becasue of losing her, bc she will just go on with her life after something like that happened anyways. I know i need to focus on me but I have such insecurties and worries that I screwed up my life and no one will be as good as her and even being open to other people. Im back to reality now that I didnt think would ever happen, that she would not be there anymore and be with someone else. I was a very selfish person and went through so much struggle in my head about trying to move on but i thought it was the best thing to do at that pont but now I wish I had the chance to get her back and work on all the things that were wrong or that I had to overcome. I just dont care about enjoying my life right now, and wish that I had never gone through all these different emotions and mental issues. Has anyone ever experiencfed some of these issues or feelings, bc I feel like while everyone is telling me they know how i feel, I can honestly say that no one understands the feelings that I go through and the reasons why I feel them, bc I cant even describe them myself. Try to get some personal counseling.
Author semvette56 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 I am getting counseling, but the way my life is now, I have no hope or desire to do anything. Everything I do revolves around trying to get my mind off of that, and I havent been coping at all. I go into violent crying episodes everyday. I ould get emotional when I go to my moms house, and cry when I left sometimes. I had issues that I always had, but once I moved out, my mind created these feelings and anxieites about things. I dont have the patience to wait till i get better, I thought that would have happened in the year since the split, but being alone, thinking, having certain assumptions and outlooks, and not willing to just live for the moment and express myself however I want screwed me up. I am living alone in my apartment, I dont know what to do during the day, and when I am the calmest, or most ocupied is when I go to a bar or something with my friends. This is all I ever talk about now, its making me sick... I wish I couls just go on with whatever, but im afaraid that I'll never meet someone or have sex wth someone ever again, especially knowing that my ex is probably having sex with this guy without even one thought about me... I have to really come to grips and terms with everything but i really just cant. It sucked living alone before, but now it really sucks because its like a constant reminder of the mistakes that i made, when I could have been a man and stuck it out with her, bc I tried to the best I could
Downtown Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Semvette, I strongly suggest that you ask your counselor to refer you to a psychiatrist who (because he also has an MD degree) can prescribe an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication to get you through the worst of it -- which may last several more months. There is absolutely no good reason for you to be suffering so severely. The meds won't make you happy but they certainly will take the edge off the pain, enabling you to feel less miserable and to make more progress in therapy. As to the counselor, I suggest that you see a clinical psychologist, who will have more training than a therapist with a masters degree. Depression is nothing to play around with. It can be deadly, making you feel suicidal. It therefore is important to treat it aggressively -- like a deadly cancer -- by getting the best therapist and a good psychiatrist for prescribing meds. Take care, Semvette.
Author semvette56 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 Ive been up and down with depression for a long time. At this point I have no desires or anything. I had a good girlfriend that I let go of because I thought I could do better, but was dillusional about myself and about life. I have no motivation for anything nor have I had. She was one of the few things that got me motivated to do things, and I let her go and went insane the last year battling depression anxiety, panic attacks, emotional breakdowns, and struggling with whether or not to get back with her because I felt like I was just settling. But now she is gone and I acutally see the reality of everything, and I have no desire to go on knowing that she is with someone else, and that I will probably never be with someone else, the way I am. I know what everyone is going to say, you have to hange yourself for the better, but the only way I wanted to do that was with her, because everything in my life is horrible right now, and I have no positivity at all because all I do is dwell on not haviing her and messing up as much as i did for our whole relationship... I have breakdown everyday where i grab a bottle of sleep aid and struggle whether to take them.. I know that wont do it, and I'll probably just get really sick, then I'll have the knowledge that I tried to but failed and everyone will think I really am pathetic bc I want to take the easy way out, but I really dont have any bright light on the future, I havent for a while, or if i did the past year, it was all dillusional thinking, and not realistic. I pushed away the best thing in my life because of so many stupid reasons, like she didnt have a big enough chest or butt, and i didnt know if i can come home everyday and be with a person every single day of my life being married. So i pushed her away and lived life from day to day, not being responsible and secretlly still obssessed about her. I wanted her there but not with anyone else, and I thought it would eventually end up someway by me being either back with her, or being with someone else before she would be with soeone else, and when i found out she was with someone else, i slowly started to regress into a unmotivate person. There is no real way to describe my feelings or want, because I screwed with my own head so much that I am so lost in everything. Im on the verge of losing my job, half of my friends, while they care for me, dont want to hear me talk about this anymore. My family is there for me, and everyone is worried about me. Im the only one that cant get out of the cycle that Im in. Im 27 yrs old and i have to pick up my mom and drive her everywhere bc she doesnt have a car... How am i ever going to find a person that can handle having to know that I dont have a life of my own. My ex was the only thing that made me feel secure. and I threw it away, becasue I went crazy, or wasnt ready to handl things out on my own. I think back and think that everything that went wrong with us lead me to this point now, and theres nothing i can do to change it. Im a broken person, I;ll never be with anyone else, I';ll never have sex with another person again, and I'm goina be alone trying to find things to occupy my time with other people bc I hate being by myself in my apartment. My ex has grown as a person, she has become more independent and has found someone she wants to be with. She doesnt want to be with me, and it hurts so much, but I asked for it and now am getting what i deserved. I really dont think I will last because Im too damaged, and no counelor or pysch can help me feel good about anything. I wish I hadnt done all of this, as I am now a sad indivudual. Everyone knows my business because thats all i talk to people about. I just really want to go to sleep and never wake up.
Downtown Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I really dont think I will last because Im too damaged, and no counelor or pysch can help me feel good about anything.Semvette, the emotional problems you are describing did not start when your exGF left. They almost certainly originated in your childhood and started showing themselves by your late teens, when you were starting to try to form LTRs outside your family. Such problems are well known and there are excellent treatment programs available. But those programs are useless if you don't stay in therapy long enough to make a difference. Also, you should be seeing a psychiatrist for meds, as I noted above. How long have you been seeing your counselor? What type of training (or qualifications) does he or she have? Did he suggest you see a psychiatrist?
John Michael Kane Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Ive been up and down with depression for a long time. At this point I have no desires or anything. I had a good girlfriend that I let go of because I thought I could do better, but was dillusional about myself and about life. I have no motivation for anything nor have I had. She was one of the few things that got me motivated to do things, and I let her go and went insane the last year battling depression anxiety, panic attacks, emotional breakdowns, and struggling with whether or not to get back with her because I felt like I was just settling. But now she is gone and I acutally see the reality of everything, and I have no desire to go on knowing that she is with someone else, and that I will probably never be with someone else, the way I am. I know what everyone is going to say, you have to hange yourself for the better, but the only way I wanted to do that was with her, because everything in my life is horrible right now, and I have no positivity at all because all I do is dwell on not haviing her and messing up as much as i did for our whole relationship... I have breakdown everyday where i grab a bottle of sleep aid and struggle whether to take them.. I know that wont do it, and I'll probably just get really sick, then I'll have the knowledge that I tried to but failed and everyone will think I really am pathetic bc I want to take the easy way out, but I really dont have any bright light on the future, I havent for a while, or if i did the past year, it was all dillusional thinking, and not realistic. I pushed away the best thing in my life because of so many stupid reasons, like she didnt have a big enough chest or butt, and i didnt know if i can come home everyday and be with a person every single day of my life being married. So i pushed her away and lived life from day to day, not being responsible and secretlly still obssessed about her. I wanted her there but not with anyone else, and I thought it would eventually end up someway by me being either back with her, or being with someone else before she would be with soeone else, and when i found out she was with someone else, i slowly started to regress into a unmotivate person. There is no real way to describe my feelings or want, because I screwed with my own head so much that I am so lost in everything. Im on the verge of losing my job, half of my friends, while they care for me, dont want to hear me talk about this anymore. My family is there for me, and everyone is worried about me. Im the only one that cant get out of the cycle that Im in. Im 27 yrs old and i have to pick up my mom and drive her everywhere bc she doesnt have a car... How am i ever going to find a person that can handle having to know that I dont have a life of my own. My ex was the only thing that made me feel secure. and I threw it away, becasue I went crazy, or wasnt ready to handl things out on my own. I think back and think that everything that went wrong with us lead me to this point now, and theres nothing i can do to change it. Im a broken person, I;ll never be with anyone else, I';ll never have sex with another person again, and I'm goina be alone trying to find things to occupy my time with other people bc I hate being by myself in my apartment. My ex has grown as a person, she has become more independent and has found someone she wants to be with. She doesnt want to be with me, and it hurts so much, but I asked for it and now am getting what i deserved. I really dont think I will last because Im too damaged, and no counelor or pysch can help me feel good about anything. I wish I hadnt done all of this, as I am now a sad indivudual. Everyone knows my business because thats all i talk to people about. I just really want to go to sleep and never wake up. Have your counselor refer you to a specialist.
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