Confused dude Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Alright any input would be appreciated. So let's start with the background of the situation. I met this girl a month and a half ago. I quickly realized that this girl and I have so so much in common. We are hardly different at all. So we started hanging out and spending more time together. Recently I slept over her house. Expecting what any guy would I figured that we might be having sex for the first time together. Turns out that both of us wanted too but she stated that she didn't want to ruin what we are gaining between the two of us and I agreed that it was too early. I really like this girl and from what I can tell and from what she says she really likes me too. That night we decided to become "official". Skipping forward to the other night, everything was good and then we started getting physical not sexually and then she basically kicked me out by saying I'm going to bed so I left. On the way I txted her bc I had the feeling that something was wrong and I'm usually a good people reader. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong so I told her I knew what was up. About a month before we met she broke up with her boyfriend of a year. Well I basically called her out on it and said you are having trouble getting over your ex aren't you. Unfortunately I was right. She stated that she likes me a lot but she shouldn't have talked to me at the time bc she was not over him yet. So she still is missing him. Im having a hard time understanding why bc they broke up over him cheating on her and he now lives far away from her. What should I do bc I really am starting to fall for this girl but do not want to get extremely hurt yet it will be tough to ditch her now bc I already care for her. Any help is appreciated.
amethyste Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) If she misses her ex & if she's not ready for a new relationship, I think you should let it go. She's just a girl you like; she's not your girlfriend (and I'm pretty she has never actually been your gf). She's not interested in a serious relationship, she's not interested in a rebound type of relationship either, she's not ready to move on... let it go. Edited August 17, 2011 by amethyste
PegNosePete Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I would tell her to give you a call when she's ready to have a relationship and see if you're still free. But in the meantime you are not going to see her any more and will not be waiting around for her.
Professor X Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I would tell her to give you a call when she's ready to have a relationship and see if you're still free. But in the meantime you are not going to see her any more and will not be waiting around for her. I agree. The longer you wait the much more harder it will be to ditch her; So you think you got it tough now? Stay with her for 1 more week and see how harder it got. Tell her to let you know when you're ready, you really DON'T want this heartache right now.
Kelemort Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I would tell her to give you a call when she's ready to have a relationship and see if you're still free. But in the meantime you are not going to see her any more and will not be waiting around for her. He's right. I've been in and AM in the same situation. The resentment over your partner's feelings toward an ex, the longer you stay, gets worse. And I suspect at this point that the resentment that surfaces because of it NEVER GOES AWAY. Only in your case, she's being blatantly honest with you. Let's fast-forward your life through the next several months and years - you might be subject to nonstop jabber about this dude, shown every single social networking profile he has online, shown pictures of him (which of course are scattered everywhere), told about the gifts she plans to buy him and etc. It never goes away. Those are some of my most painful and poignant memories. If you can avoid it, avoid it. I really think this is emotional abuse on behalf of any partner to still have feelings for the ex. And only you are going to suffer for it. She'll withhold sex (as she's doing already) and keep you at arm's length, but just close enough in case she realizes the ex is totally out. Do you really want to be second best? You're only a few weeks in. Bail and start looking elsewhere.
Ginger Beer Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I suppose she deserves a bit of respect for being honest with you but she really should have told you herself instead of you having to probe her. I agree with the poster who said tell her to call you if she wants a relationship and see if you're still free, then go NC.
jnj express Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 If she was with her XBF for over a yr., she just ain't gonna get over him COLD TURKEY----she may actually have feelings for him, for a very long time If your try to force anything on her, you will lose You got a choice either, just go out with her, and enjoy her company, and as time goes along, she will focus on you, and he will eventually go, as in out of site, out of mind---and you will prevail Or just let her go completely, and find others, maybe the 2 of you can hook-up somewhere down the line, when there are no roadblocks
Neith Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Sadly, this relationship is just wrong - at least right now. You seem like a nice guy, give her the freedom to get over her ex. If you're a rebound, which I fully suspect you are, this is doomed anyway. Give yourselves at least half a chance and give her the time she needs.
John Michael Kane Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 Alright any input would be appreciated. So let's start with the background of the situation. I met this girl a month and a half ago. I quickly realized that this girl and I have so so much in common. We are hardly different at all. So we started hanging out and spending more time together. Recently I slept over her house. Expecting what any guy would I figured that we might be having sex for the first time together. Turns out that both of us wanted too but she stated that she didn't want to ruin what we are gaining between the two of us and I agreed that it was too early. I really like this girl and from what I can tell and from what she says she really likes me too. That night we decided to become "official". Skipping forward to the other night, everything was good and then we started getting physical not sexually and then she basically kicked me out by saying I'm going to bed so I left. On the way I txted her bc I had the feeling that something was wrong and I'm usually a good people reader. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong so I told her I knew what was up. About a month before we met she broke up with her boyfriend of a year. Well I basically called her out on it and said you are having trouble getting over your ex aren't you. Unfortunately I was right. She stated that she likes me a lot but she shouldn't have talked to me at the time bc she was not over him yet. So she still is missing him. Im having a hard time understanding why bc they broke up over him cheating on her and he now lives far away from her. What should I do bc I really am starting to fall for this girl but do not want to get extremely hurt yet it will be tough to ditch her now bc I already care for her. Any help is appreciated. Leave her......
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