Can i Win her Back?...Feeling pretty lost

[beefolive]

Hi Guys,

 

Feeling a bit lost so any help you can give me would be brilliant. Spent a lot of time reading varying threads and figure someone will be able to help.

 

Ill explain the story/dilema/predicament i am in.

 

I have recently broken up with a girl i was with for two years. We worked in the same school so we saw each other a number of times each day. We are brilliant together, she makes me laugh and keeps me on my toes!

 

It was perfect about six months ago, when we decided to take a break for a few days as there were a couple of issue that she had that we wanted to get sorted.

 

1. She hadnt met my parents and we had been together for about a year.....Strange it may be but my mum and dad broke up at the time we started going out. A nasty divorce due to an affair. Dad moved away and mum had a tough time getting over it. I didnt want her to meet my dad and my mum wasnt in a great place. I SHOULD NOT HAVE WORRIED ABOUT THIS/WHAT SHE THOUGHT BUT I DID.

 

2. Also i play rugby as a hobbie. My rugby club is two hours away from where we both work/live. Due to this i would go away for training on both tuesday and thursday and also play on a sat!. I get really nervous before games and i hate people watching me so i LIED to her about fixtures being away when they were at home so she didnt come to watch. AGAIN I KNOW I SHOULDNT HAVE DONE THIS AT ALL.

 

3. We where due to go on holiday during the summer. My mum was having a particularly bad time so i pulled out. She got very annoyed which i can understand. We argued a lot about this and we said we would make it up.

 

So we had a few days apart and got back together. However we fell straight back into the same routine of seeing each other at school and 3/4/5 times a week away from that. Both got quite complacent about each other, we were in a routine!...she never mentioned the issue much at all so being an idiot i assumed it was ok.

 

We started arguing alot during the last few moths, nothing major...one day we had an argument about what we were going to do that day. Perhaps my fault again as i was happy to do what she wanted. I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN CONTROL AND NOT JUST SAID WHATEVER YOU WANT.

 

So again the day came where we decided to have a break again. We didnt speak for a week and after that week i went up to see her. I was perhaps a little blaze about the whole thing and expected to get her back again. The problem is, none of the things that we said we would work on had changed, we hadnt fixed them!.

 

So we broke up and that takes us to about 3.5 weeks ago. I did the whole texting and telling her how much i loved her etc etc.....went to see her three days later and told her exactly how much i loved her and how things would change!. PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA, SHE SAID I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THESE THINGS WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER!. We agreed to meet up for a drink after about a week!....Had a great time for an hour and a half before i broke down and told her that i thought we should be together etc etc.....It was quiet for a few days before we spoke on the phone again....same result, me being too needy!.....her telling me to stop talking about things.

 

I have given her some time and out of the blue i get a text asking for some money i owed her. Not a hi how are you, can you please send me that money....JUST ABOUT THE MONEY!.

 

I replied and sorted it out but also asked why the text was so cold....i got the reply that we broke up?, itll make it too hard to talk?.

 

So im now at the point of not knowing what to do or where i stand...i need some sort of closure one way or another.

 

Thing is that i want to be with her more than anything. I realise how much she means to me and how much i enjoy being with her. We do have issues to fix but they can be fixed. Granted it shouldnt have take me this long to realise what she means to me and how much these 'silly things' were affecting her!.

 

It transpires that she has also had doubts about me cheating on her with my ex. She lives near my rugby club and we had a dog together....she put 2 and 2 together and got 50!...Nothing like that has ever being going on nor do i have interest in it.

 

So do i have a chance of winning her back or is all hope lost???

 

Any help would be brilliant

[WindWhisperer]

Have you told her all these things like you have described here?

Yes, you say you love her etc etc but have you told her WHY you did these things and that NOW you know where you went wrong and wont ever do it again?

 

You broke her heart so she is probably scared of it happening again.

[beefolive]

I have told her yes, when i went up to see her the week after....

 

I want to show her how much things will change but she says you should have thought of these things when we were together!.

 

I understand that but how can i show her/tell her if she wont let me???

[WindWhisperer]

She must be feeling hurt especially because of all your lies.

And once you break the trust like that... it can be extremely difficult to gain back.

I dont want to be harsh but it is very possible she might not come back and you can learn from this experience for your next relationship.

 

Maybe explain more in depth where you were coming from but that you know this is in no way an excuse.

Explain that you have realised what you have lost and know you made a terrible mistake.

You need to find a way to prove to her that you are being sincere and truthful with regards to not ever lying to her again.

[wilsonx]

Its her choice whether she wants to take you back or not.

 

The problem I see is you both took a lot of breaks from each other and kept going back. Are you sure that you honestly love her or do you just miss her and don't want to let her go. If you truly loved somebody, #1 you wouldn't lie about anything to them.. the rugby thing.. #2 you would have no problem introducing them to your parents. It would have helped your mom a lot to meet the someone special in your life.

 

I would have some trust issues with you too. I honestly do think 2+2 = 4 otherwise you would have told her the truth to begin with.

 

This relationship has gotten to the point where it toxic. Its over, there's trust issues, theres back and forth on breaks. You weren't honest with her. In all honesty, its best to cut your losses learn from your mistakes and move on. If you do get back with her. I will tell you from her perspective (I just got out of a relationship like she was in) that no matter what you say or do, she will not trust you ever. You could be 100% perfect which you wont be and there will always be resentment from her

[beefolive]

Thank you for the honest replies,

 

i agree i am totally in the wrong and i accept that. I wish i could change it but i cant, i suppose just try to make myself better.

 

She is perfect to me and i am a fool for treating her like that ever.

 

I just wish there was a chance for me to prove myself to her.

 

Thing is, while it shouldnt have taken two years to get to this point, in an instant i would take her to see mum now and also take her to so much rugby that she got bored of it.