reboot Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Uh that was completely unnecessary and off-topic. Pot meet kettle.
John Michael Kane Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Pot meet kettle. OP, just make sure you notify the wife.
Severely Unamused Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Any contact whatsoever is deceit, isn't it? That's what I thought too. Haven't they already made their intentions clear enough? Anyway, good luck. I'm all for evening the playing field, even if there is a risk that the BW doesn't agree with you.
on1wheel Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Absolutely send it, but with a letter explaining EVERYTHING. They want it kept hidden in the dark, so shed some light on it & see if it shrivels up & dies. Wouldn't you want to be told if the shoe were on the other foot? I sent copies of every explicit detail to everyone in her work email list...from the CEO down to the mailroom. I felt great afterwards.
Owl Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Any indication as to whether or not she got it yesterday?
Memphis Raines Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I did it to H with his OW. I sent everything to the OW husband's parents because I knew she would intercept everything because she watches the mail (what does that say about her) for anything out of the ordinary apparently. Oh thats flippin' sweet!!!
Author analystfromhell Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 but I sent it late Wednesday so it might not arrive until today so if it has arrive no firestorm yet. I am very interested in how things are received since it was very stressful for me to send; I could only imagine how she might react and the stress it would cause her.
Lucky_One Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 She is Turkish? Nothing might happen at all. Women in general are still subservient to their husbands, and Turkey still practices honor killings for women who are too friendly with me or who commit adultery. Male infidelity is certainly not treated the same way. Her husband may tell her to suck it up and get over it. Honestly, your actions may turn out badly for her; I wish people had thought about the societal aspects of marriage between partners of different nationalities before urging you to send these transcripts.
Author analystfromhell Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 (edited) That was slightly of concern to me although since he's american and they have kids I figured he couldn't do too much but yeah, am worried about that. Figured she's better off knowing than not knowing. They did receive the printouts and got a call from my wife who asked why I hadn't talked it over with her before sending.. Hmmm. Well anyway, whatever damage or positive change that will come of it will develop- assume it's going to be a long weekend on their end and ours. As I indicated to my wife when she called, if there's no harm in the messages, there's no harm in her reading them. Suspect the upshot will be my wife is persona non grata with the OM at least. I am also of course but that was without saying beforehand. Edited August 19, 2011 by analystfromhell
robf1971 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 who asked why I hadn't talked it over with her before sending.. Lol has your wife got a good sense of humour or just a little bit thick? No offence intended
2011aug Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 They did receive the printouts and got a call from my wife who asked why I hadn't talked it over with her before sending.. Hmmm. How would your wife know they received the printout? I thought she would be under NC?
Author analystfromhell Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 yeah well, as I suspected, she and he clearly see it differently. I had suspected they were IM'ing and calling via their work phones and that's obviously the case. It'l be a BIG topic of discussion during the counseling session on Monday and if it's not discussed in an open and honest way then I guess I'll have to visit the court clerk.
Author analystfromhell Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 Yes, all good points about the NC- we are arguing and angry with one another this weekend which leads me to believe she's very angry about the letter- either because of something he said which affects her confidence or their relationship and likely because I'm repressing my feelings about the NC because if we started to discuss them today it would lead to a HUGE blowup which I don't feel would be productive. So, that's why I felt it would be better to address with the MC. It gives us some cooling off time and me to consider how I'd like to handle. I'd really like to hear an honest explanation of her relationship with him and where she is on this but it seems that's not going to happy. Maybe she wants to but can't maybe she is but I'm not hearing it. Either way it's a ****ty weekend and our marriage has not improved one bit over the last few weeks. There was some truce time evidently while she was at work and able to talk with him and act more friendly and into our relationship at home but I'm just not sure where this is headed. I can just say piss off over the NC and head for a divorce but while I don't want to be a pushover I don't want to be rash either. It's IRL after all....
Owl Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 You must enforce your boundaries...especially those around no contact. Make of crystal clear to your wife that it can't continue. She needs to suffer dire consequences if ANY further contact occurs.
PegNosePete Posted August 22, 2011 Posted August 22, 2011 (edited) I thought it had already been made crystal clear that there would be no more contact and that there would be dire consequences if she broke it? Time to put dire consequences into action? Especially saying that you should have discussed it with her?? I know what my response to that would have been, well you should have discussed it with me before you had an affair!!! Edited August 22, 2011 by PegNosePete
Author analystfromhell Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Well, sending the text messages to the wife seems to have had a positive effect. Mr. "my wife won't see anything wrong with it as she goes out with people all the time" appears to have gotten quite angry with my wife over the message and my wife is now considering changing her position to get away from this guy. It's too bad she needs to go through that stress but much better for our marriage overall I think. Further, perhaps she'll consider this and my resolve when it comes to future temptations. He's a complete ass and hopefully this comes back to bite him as well. I just don't have any sympathy for folks who do this sort of nonsense. I told my wife at lunch yesterday I was through taking the initiative (seeking MC, etc) and that she needed to do that from now on- I'd do my part but nothing more and further that ANY future contact inadvertent, accidental, I don't care would result in my immediately handing her a separate and divorce agreement. So, we'll see how it goes.
Owl Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 So did your wife agree that it's her responsibility to "step up" and do her share of the heavy recovery work when you told her this? Has she agreed that there will be NO FURTHER CONTACT OF ANY KIND WHATSOEVER? I believe that you told her these things, don't take me wrong. I'm just curious how she responded to them.
whichwayisup Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Well, sending the text messages to the wife seems to have had a positive effect. Mr. "my wife won't see anything wrong with it as she goes out with people all the time" appears to have gotten quite angry with my wife over the message and my wife is now considering changing her position to get away from this guy. It's too bad she needs to go through that stress but much better for our marriage overall I think. This is called her waking up from the "fog" of the affair. She's seeing his sh.t smells just like everybody else's and it's knocked him down a peg or two. Reality check! So it is good for her to go through that stress, hello -- SHE brought this on herself so she has no one to blame but herself by allowing this married man into her life and getting close to him! I just hope she is completely honest with you and doesn't lie to you if this guy contacts her or if she breaks NC. It'll be worse if she hides it/lies about it.
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