mo mo Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 There are a lot of flaky people in my life. Some of my best friends are flaky at times. HOWEVER this is the dating forum, so I shall only talk about people I've met of the opposite sex. A few weeks ago I got the number of a co-worker that had been flirty with me on a few occasions. I called her the next day and asked if she was interested in going out. She agreed, it was up to me to figure out something exciting to do and get back to her (she was on her way somewhere when she was talking to me, so I let her go). I tried asking about her interests over text the next day and she just stopped responding. I called her out on acting weird, on the day we had tentative plans, she said she was busy with something, I said she was lame for not letting me know a few days before when I was trying to make plans. A while back I ran into someone who used to work for my company and she was very happy to see me.. she gave me her card, her e-mail, her work number, her cell number, etc. So I kinda figured she was really interested. I talk to her on the phone one day and she joked around with me for a bit, eventually told me she had to get going, but she'd love to talk to me some more. I never heard from her again. Now that's just two examples. I have many many many more. Let's give the benefit of the doubt here and assume something went horribly wrong. How would you guys go about talking to these people again? Or would you just avoid them completely in the future?
grkBoy Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I stay civil, but I don't trust them nor do I get involved with them in any way, shape, or form. I've had many women be all into me, give numbers, etc...seem open to dating...then they vanish. I'll call them the first time and get their voicemail, but never a callback. Even if I tried a second time I get the same song and dance. THEN...I run into them weeks or months later, and they're all happy to see me and even talk of "getting together to catch up". I see it as they saw me as an OPTION, but a bigger better deal popped up and thus I was forgotten. I know some guys and women (who have guys flaked on them) would love to confront the flakes, try to show them they are doing people wrong, etc...but it's pointless. Flakes always believe they're in the right, and see you as "childish" for daring to challenge their bad behavior. Best to simply toss away numbers and emails...find better quality people.
Author mo mo Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 Ok... I'm not exactly looking for reasons for their behavior. In fact, in both of the cases I mentioned, I don't exactly feel rejected because realistically, these 2 girls showed interest first and I merely determined that they were date-able because they are attractive, friendly, etc. I wasn't exactly falling head over heels for either one of them. I'm asking what to do about dealing with them in the future because I don't like holding grudges. If they ended up going for someone else they had in mind, then ok, what the hell, I know the dating scene around here is crazy. I just hate the way they act, almost like we never had any convos. For instance, with the first girl I mentioned, I knew she had been seeing this guy, but she had broken it off with him. This happened pretty much around the time she started talking to me. If she decided to try again with that guy or something, why didn't she just say so? It's not like I had anything invested in her at that point. sigh
Nexus One Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) In my opinion flakyness of people is a handy tool. Flaky girls demonstrate very early in the process that they aren't girlfriend material, as they demonstrate they're not responsible, not mature. So you get to dodge a bullet before stronger feelings have developed. It's not that I'd avoid those girls on purpose in the future, but I wouldn't put any more effort in chasing them. If they want something, they should come to me and prove they are reciprocating and they should have a solid explanation for their flaky behavior from before. Them not giving a solid explanation for their flakyness on their own accord is a sign of disrespect in my opinion and the last thing I'd want is a disrespectful girlfriend that doesn't give a sh*t. Edited August 17, 2011 by Nexus One
thehead Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Agree with Nexus One. I'd put zero energy into pursuing anything more with them. If they want to get together after flaking, they'll have to do the work. I don't hold grudges. I just move on. If they say they'll call and don't, neither do I. If I run into them later, it's cool, I'm friendly. But if they say "Give me a call. Let's get together." I tell them to call me. Then I don't hold my breath.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Ok... I'm not exactly looking for reasons for their behavior. In fact, in both of the cases I mentioned, I don't exactly feel rejected because realistically, these 2 girls showed interest first and I merely determined that they were date-able because they are attractive, friendly, etc. I wasn't exactly falling head over heels for either one of them. I'm asking what to do about dealing with them in the future because I don't like holding grudges. If they ended up going for someone else they had in mind, then ok, what the hell, I know the dating scene around here is crazy. I just hate the way they act, almost like we never had any convos. For instance, with the first girl I mentioned, I knew she had been seeing this guy, but she had broken it off with him. This happened pretty much around the time she started talking to me. If she decided to try again with that guy or something, why didn't she just say so? It's not like I had anything invested in her at that point. sigh When dealing with someone you had a not-so-pleasant interaction with in the past, it's best to just ignore them. And by ignoring I don't mean intentionally averting eye contact or leaving the room when they walk in. Rather, if forced to interact with such people again, give them as little attention as possible without appearing overtly impolite (hi, how are you? bye, see you later...) That way, you are not holding a grudge, but you are not wasting your time on them either. And let's face it, the only thing that's a bigger waste of time than flaky women is, possibly, the xbox (and this forum).
grkBoy Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Ok... I'm not exactly looking for reasons for their behavior. In fact, in both of the cases I mentioned, I don't exactly feel rejected because realistically, these 2 girls showed interest first and I merely determined that they were date-able because they are attractive, friendly, etc. I wasn't exactly falling head over heels for either one of them. I'm asking what to do about dealing with them in the future because I don't like holding grudges. If they ended up going for someone else they had in mind, then ok, what the hell, I know the dating scene around here is crazy. I just hate the way they act, almost like we never had any convos. For instance, with the first girl I mentioned, I knew she had been seeing this guy, but she had broken it off with him. This happened pretty much around the time she started talking to me. If she decided to try again with that guy or something, why didn't she just say so? It's not like I had anything invested in her at that point. sigh I gave you the advice on how to deal with them. You're again looking for reason and rational thinking out of people who don't live like that. Don't sit there looking for an answer to "why did she flake?" Don't sit there wondering why she couldn't come clean with you. ESPECIALLY don't sit there wondering if there is some chance dating or a RL can happen. Just erase the number/email and move on. I've had women make out with me at nightclubs who still would not answer the phone when I called. GIRLS (not adult women) do this. They do what feels good for them at the moment and never think about how it affects others. Don't look for civility, rational thinking, respect, or anything like that...just move on and realize they are not like you and thus should not be a part of your life. They live in their own world and won't come out of that until reality slaps them hard in the face. If you see them, be polite, but if they want you to come out with them or what not...then assess it all. If you see she's got hot single friends, take a chance and try to get to know them. If she's just looking for a temporary thing of the moment before flaking, then move on. If she's got a pack of guy friends, especially move on. Those guys are all hanging around trying to get more out of her.
zengirl Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 How to deal with flakes? For the most part: don't. I can handle chronic lateness, if it's minor (like 5-10 minutes) even though I'm always on time, and some of my old friends are grandfathered in to some decent flakiness, and I'll give people a pass on flakiness that's purely situation and rare. But mostly: no flakes allowed. Is that too simple an answer? Seriously, mo mo, these people are just mind-****s, really. Just say no!
SJC2008 Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 CALL them on thier ****. It will shock the **** out of them. I've dealt with a couple of flakes in the past few months. The first would not respond to my calls after our 1st date. I texted her saying if you don't like me it's ok because I don't want to date someone who does not feel the same as me, a simple thanks for dinner will do. Best wishes. She responded saying sorry, just had a breakup and am not ready to get back out there. Meanwhile when I signed up for a popular online site guess who was on there? FLAKE. The next one kept beating around the bush when I tried to arrange a 2nd date so I just told her on the phone hey it looks like our shcedules don't match so lets just leave things the way they are. She was SHOCKED lol! But I'm staying positive as should you, I just met another women, closer to my age but younger so we'll wee what happens.
sigurpol Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I stay civil, but I don't trust them nor do I get involved with them in any way, shape, or form. I've had many women be all into me, give numbers, etc...seem open to dating...then they vanish. I'll call them the first time and get their voicemail, but never a callback. Even if I tried a second time I get the same song and dance. THEN...I run into them weeks or months later, and they're all happy to see me and even talk of "getting together to catch up". I see it as they saw me as an OPTION, but a bigger better deal popped up and thus I was forgotten. I know some guys and women (who have guys flaked on them) would love to confront the flakes, try to show them they are doing people wrong, etc...but it's pointless. Flakes always believe they're in the right, and see you as "childish" for daring to challenge their bad behavior. Best to simply toss away numbers and emails...find better quality people. Basically everything you just said here, I'm on board with. It's extremely annoying. There was a time last year when I got to know a girl, and each week we would make plans. Low and behold, every morning on the day of our plans, something would come up. Someone died, someone got sick, work ran late, yadda yadda yadda. Give me a break. Of course, I'd see her out some nights and she would apologize to no end. Get bent. I deal with flakes by not dealing with them in the first place.
phineas Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Agree with Nexus One. I'd put zero energy into pursuing anything more with them. If they want to get together after flaking, they'll have to do the work. I don't hold grudges. I just move on. If they say they'll call and don't, neither do I. If I run into them later, it's cool, I'm friendly. But if they say "Give me a call. Let's get together." I tell them to call me. Then I don't hold my breath. Zero energy when it comes to flakes. Their coming to my house. Their driving. Their coming up with the plans. Their being told that flaking is a major turn-off. Sometimes, if the woman really kinda annoyed me with their flaking, when they come around again I basically just attempt to booty call them. They either show up & we get naked or they stop wasting my time LOL! When a flake says "call me" or something to that affect I tell them. "I did call you, you didn't call back, now I don't call you no more" & it's like you just slapped them in the face. LOL!
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