UmbrellaBoy Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I've been involved in a long distance emotional affair with another man. It got to the point of cuddling shirtless when I went up to visit him a few times (even though he has a boyfriend). Recently there's been a lot of drama, but we had a fight and haven't been talking for a few weeks. Basically it involved the fact that just a month before the fight, he was ready to break up with his boyfriend, but when he told the boyfriend...the boyfriend managed to beg him into staying. And then just a month later (even though they didn't even see each other in the meantime; that was also long distance), the boyfriend moved into his apartment which seemed rather rash given the obvious ambivalence about that relationship the guy was expressing. Then this morning, randomly, I get an email sent at 4AM from his boyfriend basically saying to back off and that he's been "patient" with what's been happening but that it's time to leave "them" alone. What happened?
So Very Confused Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 What happened? You dodged a bullet. It sounds like they have issues to work out. You were only hearing one side of the story, so who knows. Don't take it personally. It was about them, not you. Do what's best for you and leave them to their drama.
26pointblue Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I think the guy is clueless about what he really wants. He isn't true to himself. He either can't tell the boyfriend he doesn't have feelings for him [& lets him move in with him even though] or he was lying to you about the true nature of things in an attempt to string you along and/or not hurt your feelings . . . basically, for his own selfish, confused needs. Perhaps he needed his boyfriend to do the dirty work for him because he was too weak. In any event, he presumably let his boyfriend speak for him & is not trying to make it work with you, so, just realize you deserve better & move on. Someone who is confused, selfish, not true to himself etc. is never going to be able to give you want you need. Good luck.
Disillusioned_Wife Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 What happened? He got caught having that affair with you and now the BS is putting their foot down about choosing either the BS or you. Sounds like he chose the BS.
Author UmbrellaBoy Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) Dodged a bullet, yes I agree. Indicative of serious dysfunction in THEIR relationship, yes I agree. Confused needs on the part of the "peak" of the love-triangle, definitely. I'm not sure about the "speaking through the boyfriend" thing though, because I emailed the guy saying, basically, "Tell it to me yourself" and he had no idea what I was talking about and was actually quite disturbed/apologetic that the boyfriend took this step unilaterally without consulting him, and he tried to be vaguely reconciliatory. So...is the boyfriend feeling threatened? And what does that say about his view of/trust of "our" guy?? And what was he trying to accomplish by this email??? And why NOW of all times?? Edited August 18, 2011 by UmbrellaBoy
fooled once Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 What happened? Same thing we have told you -- he isn't that into you and he has been stringing you along. This is the guy who you want to become celibant because you are? He moved in with his boyfriend. I am not sure how much more evidence by his actions that you need to know that he isn't into you the way you are into him.
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