ConfusedGuy28 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) Met a girl at my buddy's birthday party. Turns out she's at the same hospital I'm at currently, but never ran into her before (had only been there 4 days). Anyways, a friend of mine I went with happened to be friends with her, and she introduced us. We hit it off immediately. We got to talking, sat, talked more, held hands, stared into each others eyes. My friend saw this and bounced. The girl then invited me out with her friends, we danced, talked more - she doubted my interest in her and kept saying "well we'll see if you remember any of this on monday." I told her "i'll be there @ 7am, whether I work or not that day." She said she was just giving me a hard time, but said "we'll see." So - monday I show up at 7am. I ask for her phone # and she gives it to me. Throughout the day she kept apologizing for not having time to talk (which is fine, it's kind of expected lol). I do however get a text from her around 5pm saying "I think you are a wonderful guy and I really enjoyed meeting you, but I just got out of a serious relationship recently and I think it'd be best if we were just friends. I really hope you understand because you really are a great guy. I hope this makes sense and maybe we can friends" I text her back and tell her we should go on a walk and talk at least. She says we can go to dinner when she gets off work tomorrow (which was today). So I meet her and we order some food. We talk just like we did the night out we had (I had 5 drinks maybe that night, over 5-6 hours?, she had 2-3, hardly anywhere close to drunk). Then....we got to the elephant in the room. What's with the friends only thing? She tells me she just got out of a 15 month relationship 3-4 weeks ago and she isn't ready to date yet. That she thought I was good looking, sweet, and really nice and had we met without her so fresh out of a relationship, she'd want to date me. I ask her if we could just call it "two people getting to know each other" and she said "no, because I don't want you to think we're dating." I told her I'm not cool with being put in the FZ, and she said "why, I didn't say we could never date. If I said we were dating, wouldn't you want to be my friend and get to know me anyways? For all either of us know, I'm crazy or you're crazy...we don't even really know each other" So we walked and talked after we ate and got to know each other a little better. (As a side note - I've always ideally wanted to build something with someone, like a friendship, and then move onto dating - sort of know you're comfortable with that person and then it makes getting into something serious better. My very long term relationship started off with us talking for a couple of months, and then committing...so...i dunno) --------------------------- When it sort of naturally came time to end our convo, I walked her over to her car. I told her that I meant everything I said to her that night and that I know she's very unique. I have honestly been searching for that spark with someone, and haven't seen exactly what i've been looking for like that in over 10 years). Throughout our entire talk, even if her words said one thing, her body language said the complete opposite. I know she's into me by the way she looks at me. I complimented her eyes as I stood by her car and she said thank you and smiled. I go to leave and say bye and she says "hey, before you go...." and says she wants to hug. I go to give her a hug, and it wasn't one of those "hey Sally my friend, see ya later!" kind of things. It was a warm embrace, my neck touched hers, our cheeks touched. She asked if she was going to be seeing me tomorrow at the hospital and what time I might be coming in as well. --------------------------------------- I know this crap is long. I apologize. If you have any negative thing to say, please just give it to me lightly. I really honestly truly wasn't expecting to meet someone and feel this way. I had 6 girls waiting for me to take them out on a date - and now I can't imagine talking to anyone else. Call me stupid. Call me immature. Call me whatever, just be nice about it, lol. I know on this board you've seen me go from a borderline girl who cheated on me, to a girl from match who bounced because 1 text a week was "too much contact" and then a muslim girl that obviously wasn't going anywhere (and deep down inside, i swear to you i knew it as well - i was just afraid to close the door on a possibility) Despite this, I truly feel this connection with this girl. It has to be mutual, it has to be. Her friends see me now at the hospital and get a huge sparkle in their eye and say hi to me and giggle. I hear her friends telling other people about me...this can't truly just be a FZ thing. It can't. Call it "Pam & Jim" from the office, but there has to be something substantial here, has to be. Edited August 17, 2011 by ConfusedGuy28
carhill Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Ask someone else out. It's OK to 'get to know' more than one person at a time. Assign her the importance she herself has laid out, that of an acquaintance who has no current interest in dating you and gives warm hugs. That's about it.
thatone Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 you are in the friend zone unless you change your tune. agree with carhill, when she says "friend" you take the attention away. you stop calling/texting and stop answering if she initiates contact with you. if she asks why or suggests you go out again tell her the truth, you're not interested in 'friends'.
Casablanca Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Ask someone else out. It's OK to 'get to know' more than one person at a time. Assign her the importance she herself has laid out, that of an acquaintance who has no current interest in dating you and gives warm hugs. That's about it. I'd go with this suggestion....if she just got out of a serious relationship, it probably is best she doesnt date anyone just yet....but keep your options open...since you work together you'll have times to converse and such in the halls or on a break or something...just see what happens
Author ConfusedGuy28 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 I'm going to be honest with you guys, I don't know why this is affecting me. I have 6 women that text me daily and want to go out, ANYTIME - for anything, coffee, drinks, dinner, etc. I was planning on going out with each of them and seeing who i liked, and slowly winding down to 1 or 2...or none, whatever. In the meantime, I was going out with my boys on the weekends and enjoying BS'ing with girls in the bars, etc. And then this girl....there 'was' something there. It 'was' mutual. And now, it's nothing. She walks by me today and says "hey, what's up?" and I could barely muster "hey, good. u?" That was the extent of our conversation. I have two more days this week and then I got all of next week off. ------------------ But what I want to be honest about is that I'm just tired. I'm really tired. I know I've expressed being sad or whatever about a couple girls (borderline, muslim, etc) - but throughout all of that, I truly KNEW what the outcome was and deep down I was happy and kind of relieved. This is different. And I can't figure it out. I don't know why I let her in or how she got in. I didn't want this. I'm tired of this. I thought it was the beginning of something real. And it was just some girl who enjoyed the attention. The girl who introduced me to her doesn't really believe what's going on....and the friends of the girl I'm interested in give me this "aww u ok?" look now and the "how are u doing today?" talk. I don't need anyone's pity. I'm tired, hurt, and...whatever. I'm sorry for putting all my BS out there. It's not like any of this matters anyways. I'm sorry
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 From a woman who prefers to go slow... it sounds like she is legitimately hurting from a recent breakup and is not in the right place emotionally. It's even possible that she still has some contact with her ex-BF. These are not things you need to manage... I'm sure she didn't plan on having a connection with someone new either. On the other hand, it could also be a 'rebound'. Again, not something you need to put yourself through. Sometimes people's timing is just off... that's life, unfortunately.
thatone Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 look, you got all of this in the span of one day. there was nothing there. 7am you got a phone number, 5pm she tried to friend zone you, 5:00:00.500 you should've been saying "no". you build up expectations too much. at worst here, you should've been out 10 hours of minimal effort. you put yourself in the shape you're in. start out with lower expectations, problem solved.
Author ConfusedGuy28 Posted August 18, 2011 Author Posted August 18, 2011 You're right. I went to dinner with a girl friend of mine and she set me straight. My buddy brought 2 good friends of his that just moved to town, we all started talking, clicked with one of them, now we're going out with a group of my friends tomorrow. So you guys are/were right. Whatever, c'est la vie - I just gotta kick my old habits sometimes (and I kick them a lot lot sooner than I used to) thanks again everyone
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