HolyCrap Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Not even sure where to start. I have been married for 18 mths now and 5 nights ago she told me she wanted a divorce. Now it hasn't been all roses around here. I have been a real bear to live with. Long story short I did lie about things. About 6 mths ago I did have conversations with a woman at work. Nothing more than innocent chatting about work. Honestly. I have admitted to my wrong doing in this and wrote and committed to doing the right thing for my marriage. She tells me "I just don't care". I have read on the Internet and even scheduled a appt with a consular. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work and better with my wife. But how do I convince her I am being honest to this? I don't know if she is going to file for divorce right now or not. But I have told her that isn't what I want. Any advice? Anyone been in this situation. I do realize she is hurt and angry, even if she won't admit to it. I'm so confused. She tells ppl she has made up Her mind and there is no way she will change it but i have to have hope, right? Thanks for any advice.
RodG Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 So what exactly did you do wrong? I'm kind of confused. She wants a divorce because you had a conversation with a woman about work?
Author HolyCrap Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 So what exactly did you do wrong? I'm kind of confused. She wants a divorce because you had a conversation with a woman about work? I tried to hind it. It was wrong and broke her trust. Right now she thinks I have been going through her phone. She says it doesn't matter if I did, which didn't, but she is convinced that I did. She "set me up" by leaving applications open but where closed in the morning. So she thinks I lied. I have lied and been an ass. There is more to the story that got us here but it comes down to broken trust. I didn't cheat!!! And she doesn't think I did. It's really a matter of the trust issue. She doesn't feel she can trust me bc i lied and talked to another woman.
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I feel your pain. I once ordered from a female teller at McDonalds and my wife gave me the bizness.
Nsweet Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 HolyCrap,calm down this situation is so easily fixed. She is worried about you cheating because you haven't shown her the affection she needs in a while. All you can do about the divorce is agree with her and then slowly work up trust daily. Do the tasks she asks you to do, surprise her with small activities you know she would like because you were listening to her all along, and show affection when affection is deserved. All she wants to know is that you still care about her and that she has something no other woman can fulfill.
Author HolyCrap Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 HolyCrap,calm down this situation is so easily fixed. She is worried about you cheating because you haven't shown her the affection she needs in a while. All you can do about the divorce is agree with her and then slowly work up trust daily. Do the tasks she asks you to do, surprise her with small activities you know she would like because you were listening to her all along, and show affection when affection is deserved. All she wants to know is that you still care about her and that she has something no other woman can fulfill. Thanks. I have been trying to do the things she has asked. I asked last night about counseling, her response was I don't see "together" I see you and me. Which is a hard pill to swallow. I am going today alone. Although she says these things I still hold out that hope. Should I? Or should I just give up? Do I deserve another try? These are the questions that go through my head.
Nsweet Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I went through the same thing with my wife. We triedti get help by uncoils afford the session then and she didn't wantto do anything else. You have to agree with her about the divorce and not give her leverage to fight with you. The easiest way you can win her back now is by agreeing that she is right you should get a divorce, maybe even disqualify yourself about the one characteristic they loved most (too kind-hearted?), acknowlege her argument about why she wants a divorce(I believe it's not enough appreciation), and apologize by assuming her feelings (I must have hurt you when...), then your feelings without defence (I feel so awed that I hurt you...), then apologize and request amends (I am so sorry.... Is there any way Incan make this up?). Little advice right now when she is angry. Do not call her any pet names or call her "honey", or "baby". That wont help you right now so don't do it! Whatever you do don't say "I love you" unless she says it first. Show your love through non-needy actions that show you care. Atleast one a day with enough space between you too for her to miss you. Maybe even sleep in another room or on the couch. Wake up early and makebher coffee and breakfast, and doing dishes,while acting liken its no big deal,"I was up anyways...". Don't. Seek validation for you good deeds and don't long for her to acknowledge you. She still loves you man but she is angry.
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