marlena Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Maybe I wasn't making myself clear. I agree with you, the social and legal benefits are enormous. If this is what you want out of a union, than, so be it. Some people put love and sharing a life together above such transactions. Oh, and I don' t dislike it at all. In fact, if my SO badly, I would go along with it. Fortunately, he feels the same way about it as I do. I realize that for some people it is important and I accept it as such. What I was doing was expressing my own personal views without it necessarily meaning I reject different opinions on the issue. To each his own. It is after all a highly personal matter.
Woggle Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 People like to mark good occasions. It's why we have graduations and bar mitsvahs and various celebrations for special occasions. A wedding is a celebration to commemorate starting a life as couple. I respect people that don't believe in it but for others it does have a very deep meaning.
reboot Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 If your SO is ever in the hospital in intensive care and you aren't allowed to be at his bedside, you might feel differently.
MorningCoffee Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Well, it's ancient history now, but I got married because whenever she came into view, my heart leapt. I wanted to cement that into a reality that would have a life of its own. We really did not know what we were doing, and I would not recommend jumping into marriage the way we did but we grew and changed and went through a heck of a lot over 35+ years. Yes, we were very lucky! I also think that marriage can bring an expansion of life-long connection via the spouses' extended families. Maybe that happens also with long-term but unmarried couples, I wouldn't know of that. But even though my wife passed away a number of years ago, I am still a part of her extended family in a way, as is our daughter. Would I marry again? Who knows? Perhaps. All I do know is that it would be a completely different journey.
marlena Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 People like to mark good occasions. It's why we have graduations and bar mitsvahs and various celebrations for special occasions. A wedding is a celebration to commemorate starting a life as couple. I respect people that don't believe in it but for others it does have a very deep meaning. Agreed, Woggle. Both sides deserve respect.
marlena Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 If your SO is ever in the hospital in intensive care and you aren't allowed to be at his bedside, you might feel differently. In some countries, being a common law spouse would gain you entrance. Besides, I don't think anyone is allowed in for long. But you can bet, I'd be outside that door 24/7.
woinlove Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I can understand two people experiencing deep love for each other, sharing their lives and dying together. But just cant get my head around why two people need to get married. Is its function purely social; a declartion of love to be witnessed by others, or perhaps a way of marking territory? Is it an obligation to religion, traditions and beliefs past on from our ancestors. Is it for legal reasons, for some kind of financial accountability. Do people believe that their children will be raised in an unstable environment if they dont. What goes through peoples minds when they propose and decide they want to get married? is being unmarried inferior to being married to one another. I guess I do hold cynical views towards marriage, but am genuinely interested in trying to understand why people do it. Im not trying to mock or take a stab at anyone (well at least not intentionally!). It probally sounds like a childish question, but its something that has become less and less clear to me as I have gotten older. Every possible reason I could think of seems to go beyond the couple as a seperate entity, and appears to be driven by external factors. I doubt very many feel they need to get married. We didn't feel we needed to, but we wanted to. We liked the idea of making that kind of personal and legal and social commitment to each other and to our future children. It was a combination of all 3 for us, but no religious aspect for us. We started with our personal view of what we wanted to be a life-long commitment, we then investigated the legal aspects of marriage including how open M would be viewed legally, discussed what society typically expects of married people and what connection we wanted between any statement our marriage might make and our families, friends, and society more generally. From all this we came up with exactly what we wanted in our M vows, the type of person we wanted to perform the ceremony, who we wanted present, who we would inform, whether to exchange rings, etc. Yes, we are that strange, perhaps! But we viewed M as a big deal. The end result? Our M, together with our children, has been the most wonderful and rewarding aspect of my life. I feel very comfortable with the legal aspects of it - it does make some things simpler. But if the legal aspects bother you or don't work for you, don't make it legal. M can be whatever two people make it to be. I know some people have strong views of other people's Ms. But, really, it doesn't matter what others think of your M, unless you want it to matter.
marlena Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 I doubt very many feel they need to get married. We didn't feel we needed to, but we wanted to. We liked the idea of making that kind of personal and legal and social commitment to each other and to our future children. It was a combination of all 3 for us, but no religious aspect for us. We started with our personal view of what we wanted to be a life-long commitment, we then investigated the legal aspects of marriage including how open M would be viewed legally, discussed what society typically expects of married people and what connection we wanted between any statement our marriage might make and our families, friends, and society more generally. From all this we came up with exactly what we wanted in our M vows, the type of person we wanted to perform the ceremony, who we wanted present, who we would inform, whether to exchange rings, etc. Yes, we are that strange, perhaps! But we viewed M as a big deal. The end result? Our M, together with our children, has been the most wonderful and rewarding aspect of my life. I feel very comfortable with the legal aspects of it - it does make some things simpler. But if the legal aspects bother you or don't work for you, don't make it legal. M can be whatever two people make it to be. I know some people have strong views of other people's Ms. But, really, it doesn't matter what others think of your M, unless you want it to matter. Nice post. And, yes, the union of two people is a sacred thing, with or without that paper and all the benefits that come with it.
Owl Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Nice post. And, yes, the union of two people is a sacred thing, with or without that paper and all the benefits that come with it. This I agree with as well. It's the relationship, the bond that matters the most. The ceremony of marriage simply is a public expression of that bond. The institution of legally recognizing that bond simply provides additional benefits to both spouses based upon that bond. That's why I don't understand why people are "against marriage". If you don't like it...don't do it. There's no requirement to do so. Your family/friends may have an EXPECTATION that you may publically acknowledge that bond in the form of marriage...but then all you need to do is to reset their expectations based on your own preferences. Even if you don't 'agree' with marriage...you should still respect other people's decision to follow that practice. From my perspective, that includes not having an affair. While the person you chose to have an affair with may have changed their mind about marriage...your choice to engage in an affair with them still impedes on their spouse's right to marriage. Just as no one should be FORCED to marry if they don't want to...no one should be FORCED to have their marriage destroyed without their knowledge. Just my thoughts on the subject. I know that others may feel differently.
Spark1111 Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Also, why is there no question ever on these boards of the 50% who do not cheat or divorce? Maybe I am a glass half full soul.... I love being married. I love my man. We are honored to be together, proud of how hard we have worked and loved to be here ( and yes, that includes his affair.) We have built a life together, raised three children, have our first grandchild now. There is no one on the planet I would rather share an insight, moment, story, achievment, sexual act, illness, heartache, hardship or delirious joy with than that man. Why not protect that relationship by any and all means possible? Legally, culturally, religiously, spiritually, financially? Why not? It IS a risk, leap of faith, painful, glorious promise. There are no guarantees you will be lucky enough to be in the 50% who do make it. It shouldn't be done with half a heart, fear of the future, the unknown, one leg in while one is out, hedging your bets, seeking absolute surety, or feeling the grass is greener over the fence. If you feel any of the above, keep dating or stay single. Marriage, done right and for the long haul, is not for sissies, the selfish, the self-entitled or those believing that is takes less than two pulling 200% to work.
nyrias Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 So many reasons. Love is just one (and often foolish one). Money/finance. Parental pressure (HUGE deal in Asia). Convenience Companionship (don't want to be alone) .....
bentnotbroken Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Also, why is there no question ever on these boards of the 50% who do not cheat or divorce? Maybe I am a glass half full soul.... I love being married. I love my man. We are honored to be together, proud of how hard we have worked and loved to be here ( and yes, that includes his affair.) We have built a life together, raised three children, have our first grandchild now. There is no one on the planet I would rather share an insight, moment, story, achievment, sexual act, illness, heartache, hardship or delirious joy with than that man. Why not protect that relationship by any and all means possible? Legally, culturally, religiously, spiritually, financially? Why not? It IS a risk, leap of faith, painful, glorious promise. There are no guarantees you will be lucky enough to be in the 50% who do make it. It shouldn't be done with half a heart, fear of the future, the unknown, one leg in while one is out, hedging your bets, seeking absolute surety, or feeling the grass is greener over the fence. If you feel any of the above, keep dating or stay single. Marriage, done right and for the long haul, is not for sissies, the selfish, the self-entitled or those believing that is takes less than two pulling 200% to work. Nicely done Spark.
John Michael Kane Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Also, why is there no question ever on these boards of the 50% who do not cheat or divorce? Maybe I am a glass half full soul.... I love being married. I love my man. We are honored to be together, proud of how hard we have worked and loved to be here ( and yes, that includes his affair.) We have built a life together, raised three children, have our first grandchild now. There is no one on the planet I would rather share an insight, moment, story, achievment, sexual act, illness, heartache, hardship or delirious joy with than that man. Why not protect that relationship by any and all means possible? Legally, culturally, religiously, spiritually, financially? Why not? It IS a risk, leap of faith, painful, glorious promise. There are no guarantees you will be lucky enough to be in the 50% who do make it. It shouldn't be done with half a heart, fear of the future, the unknown, one leg in while one is out, hedging your bets, seeking absolute surety, or feeling the grass is greener over the fence. If you feel any of the above, keep dating or stay single. Marriage, done right and for the long haul, is not for sissies, the selfish, the self-entitled or those believing that is takes less than two pulling 200% to work. All that is needed is 100%. If 200% is "needed" then it's not worth it.
alphamale Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I can understand two people experiencing deep love for each other, sharing their lives and dying together. But just cant get my head around why two people need to get married. i would say the only good reason is to procreate and raise the children in a decent home. as we age a good reason would be for companionship. other than that i really cannot think of any other good reasons.
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