njruns75 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I'm 36 and just started dating again after a 6 yr relationship. I have dated a few guys and I find that they all have seemed to at least "try" to have sex with me right away. Is this normal? I mean, they didn't push hard to, but I can tell they wanted to and their hands were leading in that direction! I am a very sexual, passionate person but I know it is ok for a man to get what he wants but a woman will be seen as easy if she gives in to the sex, even though she enjoys it too! I don't to come off as a tease, but I keep telling the people I have dated recently that although I love sex etc, I think it always is a bad idea to rush into that and it's better to have something to look forward to. I have a hard time resisting, at times, however! Last night, i had one over to my place and we just kissed a bit. He made it known he really wished he could rip my clothes off, but I told him no. He was cool with it. But I just wonder if every guy will try to go a bit further like this or is he not a good guy? Am I giving off the wrong vibe to guys that I'm just a hook up? I'm afraid when I see this guy on our 2nd date (Thursday) that I will give in to sexual things (bc I enjoy it too) Should I make it clear before the date that that wont happen? Thanks
musemaj11 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Just avoid spending time at each others place and keep the date outside.
jstobo Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I'm a man and I face this issue as well. I want sex, but usually if it happens too soon, the relationship won't last. But being a male, I would have a hard time saying no. I would prefer the woman control it because I know I won't be able to. I also would not put yourself in that situation. You're kind of asking for trouble by having someone over on the first date. If you want to wait for a month or the 4th date, whatever your time frame is, than don't be alone in a home.
sm1tten Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 If you aren't ready to have sex with these men for whatever reason: Don't have dates at home. Also, stop talking about sex with the people you are dating if you aren't going to have sex with them. Telling a guy that you love to have sex - even if you add the caveat "but I want to wait" - is priming the pump. You don't need to tell him before the date that it won't happen. Just don't put yourself in a position where it can.
thatone Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 actually, i don't mind talking about it. as jstobo said, i'll make my intentions clear enough, and if she says she isn't ready that's fine (for awhile). but i agree that spending a lot of time at each other's houses is not necessarily a good idea on the first couple of dates, it will send a signal. take the opportunity to explain your boundaries/time limits when the offer to go to his place or yours comes up. honesty goes a long way.
FormerNiceGuy Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 As a guy, I usually don't push the issue. But if I find that I'm not really getting anywhere, I move on. I think most guys do...
Author njruns75 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 thanks. well, what I mean really is... does it mean a guy isn't a good guy if he tries to have sex right off the bat?
thatone Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 no, it doesn't mean anything. men are not women. would you want to be with a man who is not physically attracted to you?
grkBoy Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 njruns75, you call the shots when it's your body in question. If guys don't want to wait for you and especially do not want to commit to you, then let them be stuck with porn and their hands. Too many guys now simply aren't interested in a RL as much as they want a hookup. Others are delusional in thinking if they can get you into bed, you'll become all attached and thus they don't have to worry about you "changing your mind" on him. It's all childish. Dump guys who won't treat you as you want to be treated and find a guy who is on the same page as you.
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