jpleb Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 i have been with my girlfriend now for 5 months and i can truly say i am in love with her. she is fun, clever, a talented artist, she isnt afraid to say what she thinks, she has the most beautiful eyes i have ever seen on anyone and the sexiest body ive encountered, but the problem is she doesnt see this. when she was around 12 she was touched by her cousins and that has affected her greatly, she is scared of what people think of her, so much so that she will not come out and see my friends fro fear of embarrassment. i cannot compliment her and i cant tell her how beautiful she is to me inside and out. around three months ago she cheated on me with a friend of hers and since taht she could not look at me when we slept because she was crying with guilt. i knwo this is out of her character and i have forgiven her completely, but this has only made her self esteem lower. what can i do to save her from herself? please help! i love her more than anything and i cant lose her down a path of self loathing.
Casablanca Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 i have been with my girlfriend now for 5 months and i can truly say i am in love with her. she is fun, clever, a talented artist, she isnt afraid to say what she thinks, she has the most beautiful eyes i have ever seen on anyone and the sexiest body ive encountered, but the problem is she doesnt see this. when she was around 12 she was touched by her cousins and that has affected her greatly, she is scared of what people think of her, so much so that she will not come out and see my friends fro fear of embarrassment. i cannot compliment her and i cant tell her how beautiful she is to me inside and out. around three months ago she cheated on me with a friend of hers and since taht she could not look at me when we slept because she was crying with guilt. i knwo this is out of her character and i have forgiven her completely, but this has only made her self esteem lower. what can i do to save her from herself? please help! i love her more than anything and i cant lose her down a path of self loathing. Have you told her any of what you have told us? I've never dealt with anything quite like this. I did have a gf who has low self esteem based on an anxiety disorder and I the constant need of reassurance was one of the factors that made me end up breaking up with her (but not the only one). As she seen a psychiatrist at all? So what happens when you compliment her?
Dust Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Hot Sexy Crazy girls are a lot of fun. I say enjoy being with her and treat her well. The thing is she will continue to emotionally drain you by crying a lot and doing things like cheating on you. So, don’t expect that to change because there is nothing you can do and only she can change this. If it were me I would have more of a casual relationship with her and look to move on considering she cheated.
Desensitized Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 i have been with my girlfriend now for 5 months and i can truly say i am in love with her. she is fun, clever, a talented artist, she isnt afraid to say what she thinks, she has the most beautiful eyes i have ever seen on anyone and the sexiest body ive encountered, but the problem is she doesnt see this. when she was around 12 she was touched by her cousins and that has affected her greatly, she is scared of what people think of her, so much so that she will not come out and see my friends fro fear of embarrassment. i cannot compliment her and i cant tell her how beautiful she is to me inside and out. around three months ago she cheated on me with a friend of hers and since taht she could not look at me when we slept because she was crying with guilt. i knwo this is out of her character and i have forgiven her completely, but this has only made her self esteem lower. what can i do to save her from herself? please help! i love her more than anything and i cant lose her down a path of self loathing. White Knight Syndrome? Sounds like you have it. This girl obviously needs help, and it is nice that you are willing to help her. But look, she already cheated on you and honestly, you never know if she will do it again. What you can try to do to help her, if this is the road you're willing to take, is to get her to counseling. Keep in mind, that it is not your responsibility to "fix" her. A little story: I was in a r/s with my ex-fiancee who suffered from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and she too had low self-esteem and suffered from depression, anxiety, ADD, etc. She was also a cheater in her past; like you, I tried to get her the help she needed. Long story short, I was able to get her to see a doctor for her issues and it was later confirmed that she had BPD. We later broke up due to some issues, and I found out that she had been keeping things from me. Bottom line is, it is very difficult taking the road you're on, and it is painful. Your r/s is undoubtably one of highs and lows. But, I really hope you're able to keep your sanity while you're trying to help her - it can be really difficult to be the nice, caring guy you are when you're constantly being pushed by your significant other. I really hope that when you do start to experience anger and hatred for your gf, that you walk away without saying mean things to her. Best of luck, you'll need it.
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