LynnT Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 My FWB looked through my cell phone while I was in the shower. He saw all my texts, emails, facebook etc and is mad. We aren't exclusive and he knows this. Our agreement is that if one of us hooks up with someone else, we will let the other know. I have had dates, but haven't had any kind of sex with anyone else. I've been vague when I have dates. Mostly I say I'm going out with a friend. He's livid at me and accuses me of lying to him. Should he be mad at me for flirting/texting/dating other guys? Should I forgive him for snooping? I really like him and he's a great sex buddy. I'm sad that the "relationship" is over but I just wondered who is right here. He says he will stay around if I will agree to stop seeing other people. I say that that's a committed relationship but he says he can't do that. (yeah, this sounds crazy to me too)
lonelyheartbeat Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Hey, I'm sorry, but I agree with the other person. This guy sounds weird. So you're just friends with benefits. Apparently he still agrees with that, but wants you to stop flirting/dating other guys? That absolutely, positively does NOT make any sense. You can't have it both ways. For one, that's not fair to you. Also, have you asked him if he's stopped flirting, dating and/or sleeping with other women? And frankly, even if he says yes, the fact is you guys still put the FWB label on whatever you had, so he can't be upset. And as for forgiving for looking through your phone? What's up with that? Maybe others would disagree with me, but I see, at this point anyway, nothing for you to apologize for. The guy is acting...crazy. If you ask me, you should have said, okay, let me see your phone and look on your FB. I say move on. You don't need that kind of crazy in your life.
sm1tten Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Sounds like he doesn't want a committed relationship with you but doesn't want to run the risk of you committing to or even just hooking up with someone else. If he's not playing by the rules you mutually agreed to, then it's end game.
O'Malley Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 If he's not playing by the rules you mutually agreed to, then it's end game. And if he's acting this angry and possessive over some paranoid scenario, imagine how he could react if you were to become involved with someone else. I'd consider your safety and end it now.
Art_Critic Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Should I forgive him for snooping? Yes.. you should but you shouldn't take him back though.. he will never stop snooping on you.. The guy is an ass.. he snooped and didn't like what he found.. well go figure... But yes.. harbor no ill will.. people snoop, sometimes they just can't handle not knowing whatever...
Tayla Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) Can you , is the operative word here. I am rarely a believer of setting oneself up with "Shoulds", like its the apex of being the ultimate human saint. Can you in your own way forgive yourself? Really that is the question. Your judgment was poor in choosing this bed partner so one must be able to own up to that. On his part its his actions and for him to live with. I get the "concept" of FWB, its an easy way out from proclaiming commitment whilst still playing in the kiddiepool. Take off the swimmies and move on ...he isnt worth playing in the sand with. He would get my forgiveness in due time but I wouldn't forget this as a learning lesson on soooo very many levels for him and my re-evaluations of character. Edited August 17, 2011 by Tayla
ascendotum Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Sounds like he doesn't want a committed relationship with you but doesn't want to run the risk of you committing to or even just hooking up with someone else. If he's not playing by the rules you mutually agreed to, then it's end game. What the hell, he wants a casual no strings attached relationship, but snoops up on what you do with your time outside of when he is not dropping by. (whats he do other nights when not with you?) I can understand that he would be mad if you are sleeping around with other guys while in a supposedly monogamous FWB with him, but he has to trust you that you are dating other guys to look for a boyfriend and a proper loving relationship. If doesn’t like it, then tell him FWBs are not for him, and neither are you anymore.
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