zengirl Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 When the child is unwanted and unplanned, it's a penalty. That's why he's being extra cautious - he clearly does not want a kid. He's not being extra cautious if he's avoiding condoms. That's his issue not the OP's apparently!
Feelsgoodman Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 He's not being extra cautious if he's avoiding condoms. That's his issue not the OP's apparently! I can see why he doesn't like condoms. For some men, it's hard to stay hard (no pun intended) and/or cum with a condom on.
Cypress25 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 If he's so concerned about pregnancy, why is he anti-condom? This. Condom + BC pill = no pregnancy. Especially since you both have abortions in your past, both of you should be willing to take extra precautions. Tell him to wrap it up if he's so damn worried.
zengirl Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I can see why he doesn't like condoms. For some men, it's hard to stay hard (no pun intended) and/or cum with a condom on. She's on BC. I don't know what more he could want from her. I guess he could snip it, if he's that concerned, but he might want to have children someday.
stillafool Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 The financial penalties imposed on men by the court system for inadvertently impregnating a female are quite steep. You can't blame the guy for being paranoid. I agree. He's thinking about 10-20 years of child payments for a kid he doesn't want. He should have used condomes anyway to protect himself.
Star Gazer Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 When the child is unwanted and unplanned, it's a penalty. That's why he's being extra cautious - he clearly does not want a kid. Extra caution for a woman = BC PILL. Extra caution for a man = CONDOM. She's holding up her end, so if he's worried, he's got no one to blame but himself.
torn_curtain Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Have you tried sitting down and having a cool discussion about this? It sounds like your talking has mostly amounted to little bursts of him freaking out and you trying to calm him down. Maybe if you guys sit down and have a more formal chat you could make more progress. See if you can find a way of having protected sex that works for both of you -- like BC, condom and possibly spermicide. Is there anything he'd be comfortable with? If he's unwilling to compromise on the condom thing, then you should probably count sex out.
torn_curtain Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 One more thing. Do you know if he wants kids eventually? I know you do, so you might want to double check on this.
Yellow_Duck'y Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 A suggestion, an IUD. He may feel more at ease since an IUD is surgically implanted. If that isn't a viable option, he will have to wear a condom while you are on birth control in conjunction. If his peepee is in you, willfully, that's how it goes.
MrNate Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Lol. I see why he's so torn. It's one thing to say you don't want kids, but when it comes down to it...sticking that bad boy in a warm, moist, tight area is very hard to resist. Clearly you are putting it on this man quite well. I'd probably be banging you bareback myself. Yep. I understand why he's torn... I originally had something professional to say, but eh, I'll remember it later.
Chi townD Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 This was a borderline case of rape. Shoot, I wish my wife would rape me!! I understand where he's getting at, he's not ready to be a father and he has some concerns. Maybe they're not ready financally to support a kid. Maybe there living conditions aren't conducive to support a child. But I give hi props for using the right head on this one! But, I do sympathize with her as well. If they are in a loving and committed she wants to feel the one-ness and the connection physically with her man. I suggest going to couples conseling to get over these hang-ups both of them are having. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go ask the wife if she gonna rape me tonight....she'll probably look at me like I have two heads......
Els Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I can see why he doesn't like condoms. For some men, it's hard to stay hard (no pun intended) and/or cum with a condom on. ROFL. Well, can't have your cake and eat it too, can you? If you don't like condoms and don't want the girl to get pregnant because of the whole child support thing, well.. abstain, I guess?
Hot Chick Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I know you say he has issues and such, but at almost 30 years old, his behavior is very strange. I think he also probably has commitment issues. If you did get pregnant (and I am 35 years old, sexually active, and have managed not to get pregnant) this is something mature adults could work through as a couple. His reaction would concern me, also.
FitChick Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Tell him you will accompany him to a urologist to have a vasectomy. That should ease his mind forever about impregnating someone.
zengirl Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 A suggestion, an IUD. He may feel more at ease since an IUD is surgically implanted. If that isn't a viable option, he will have to wear a condom while you are on birth control in conjunction. If his peepee is in you, willfully, that's how it goes. Personally, I've heard too many IUD horror stories (I've known 3 girls who had them, and all 3 girls had pretty big problems, though I'm sure there are many women who have them just fine). And besides, hormonal BC and IUD have similar success rates. IUD is expensive and nowhere near as commonplace as hormonal BC. It's a good choice for some women but not a good choice for many, many others, and we don't have the bulk of research to show us what all the true risks are. ROFL. Well, can't have your cake and eat it too, can you? If you don't like condoms and don't want the girl to get pregnant because of the whole child support thing, well.. abstain, I guess? Right. That's what's weird to me.
BetheButterfly Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I basically agree with you. Men these days are so selfish when it comes to this area. They want to enjoy the pleasure of sex and then be able to run for their lives if they impregnate a girl. Sad but true. I understand to some degree their fear of marriage. If they get divorced, a large portion of their income can be taken from them without the woman suffering similar consequences even if she's a huge bitch that cheated on them. Yeah that's not fair. But with accidental children . . . . it's different. The men run off and try to get out of paying any child support. Not only do they refuse to emotionally care for the child or be there at all, they try to pay as little for the child as possible if anything. It's like they don't understand that the child is a person, a human being like them. There are so many children who do not have a good father in their lives...Children NEED a good father in their lives. If a child is born, it's both people's faults for not using enough or the right kind of birth control and they throw all the responsibilities and consequences of these actions on the woman and don't step up at all. Many people just see sex as a pleasurable pasttime, not as the enjoyable means of making love to one's partner and producing offspring. Honestly, having sex for a woman is just as risky as getting married for a man. Yeah. I have friends who got pregnant in high school... their lives naturally completely changed. A lot of them want to get rid of marriage entirely and if things were fair, women would be trying to get rid of sex because of all of the risk to us involved, but we're not that stupid. It's an unhealthy world, in my opinion, one where people never have sex and never get married, even though the consequences for both of us can be huge emotional and financial burdens. I honestly don't get why guys freak out about this the way they do when honestly, I know personally that if I mess up with my birth control, there's a huge chance my boyfriend will abandon me and I'll be stuck with all the responsibility of financially and emotionally raising a person. *I'm* the ****ing terrified one. That's sad... love shouldn't be dependent on if a person gets pregnant or not!!! That's actually not true love.
Yellow_Duck'y Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Personally, I've heard too many IUD horror stories (I've known 3 girls who had them, and all 3 girls had pretty big problems, though I'm sure there are many women who have them just fine). And besides, hormonal BC and IUD have similar success rates. IUD is expensive and nowhere near as commonplace as hormonal BC. It's a good choice for some women but not a good choice for many, many others, and we don't have the bulk of research to show us what all the true risks are. Yikes! Sorry to hear that. The IUD actually has a higher effectiveness rate versus the pill, it does cost a bit more upfront, but it lasts for several years. Most health insurance providers cover it, I believe Planned Parenthood offers it based on income. It's just one of many options. Hope OP and her guy find one that is mutually satisfying.
sm1tten Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I actually was going to get an IUD but I was put off by the cost and the pain it would cause upon placement. (I'm a narrow thing.) I was also told the IUD was more effective, but I think it is because it's pretty error proof as the woman does nothing but make sure it stays in, really. Planned Parenthood does offer it but it still wasn't cheap enough for me - I get my BC for free and you can't beat free! That said, I think it's somewhat unfair that all the onus is on her to provide the birth control when he's the one freaking out - especially since I suspect that nothing that she could do would ever keep him completely secure.
Star Gazer Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 FWIW, every woman I know who has or had the IUD had their period for a verrrrry long time after implantation - we're talking like 3-10 MONTHS, and then a lot of random, lengthy spotting afterward. That alone keeps me away from it.
carhill Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 He wasn't that terrified. At some level he wanted it or his dick wouldn't have gotten hard four times. It's high time this 30yo male started acting his age and taking responsibility. Abstinence from vaginal intercourse, condom or vasectomy. It ain't rocket science.
Yellow_Duck'y Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 That said, I think it's somewhat unfair that all the onus is on her to provide the birth control when he's the one freaking out - especially since I suspect that nothing that she could do would ever keep him completely secure. Part of the joys of being a woman. Weeeeeee!!! Men and their darn sperm. Yuck.
MrNate Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Part of the joys of being a woman. Weeeeeee!!! Men and their darn sperm. Yuck. Better get used to it. We got plenty of it..
Yellow_Duck'y Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Better get used to it. We got plenty of it.. My spermicide glows in the dark, it is just. that. powerful.
Author eerie_reverie Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 FYI - I think we have worked through this issue. He is reassured for the time being that the chance of me having gotten pregnant already are slim, and we have started using condoms. We are both comfortable with this.
zengirl Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 FYI - I think we have worked through this issue. He is reassured for the time being that the chance of me having gotten pregnant already are slim, and we have started using condoms. We are both comfortable with this. Awesome! I figured it'd work out. He always sounded good for you before.
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