2guys1life Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I'm engaged. And in love. I've been dating "S" for a year now, and we are supposed to get married next year. But "D" has always been close to my heart. We dated for 4 months 2 1/2 years ago. S and I have lived together for the better part of a year. He's successful in many ways, attractive, smart, funny, likeable, stable, interesting, a good listener, great friend group, sweet and loving family, very enticing physically... D is very successful, too. Smart, engaging, funny, likeable, cute, physically great, stable job, good friends, interesting and nice *seeming* family I've been in relationships constantly since D and I broke up. I've had two relationships since him, one of them being my current relationship. I've never been able to stop thinking about D. I was relatively immature when D and I were dating and moved out of the city we were in and let the relationship fizzle. But here we are 2 1/2 years later and now he's back. I've always wondered if he was the guy for me. I've seen him a few times over the past few years and always been overwhelmed that I still have such strong feelings for him. He is the only guy I've not been able to forget. Seeing him is like turning my stomach inside out. Unexplainable. Sometimes I don't know if it's love or novelty. There are so many unknowns like his family and what he's like to live with. S and I are really good to each other. We have a lot of love and history. I know so much about him and like almost everything. We have similar tempers which leads to lots of fighting, but we generally work through it in a few minutes or hours and then agree about what positive things we can take away from the fight. Sometimes it gets really emotional though and I have a bad tendency to get really down. That's been the situation in any relationship over a year i've been in though, not just this one. We don't degrade each other at all when we fight. Also, he's extremely supportive of my goals in life. He's happy to be the breadwinner and is very good at his job, and has a salary that we could comfortably raise an entire family on already. He goes to work for long hours and still is happy to come home and do housework, even when I insist he doesn't. He is so appreciative of the things I do. He's healthy, eats right and is active. He makes me feel incredibly beautiful. Not only is he happy to be the breadwinner, he wants me to do anything I want to do in life. He is encouraging of any career path I choose, and we discuss the paths that are a little questionable, but he would still support me if I went with one of those. He really is brilliant and positive, and I love and need that so much in my life. He will be an exceptionally great dad for sure, and we have the same ideas about timelines for kids and how many. He doesn't really have vices, just one or two beers a day and sometimes more on weekends. He's confident but not cocky, which he deserves to be confident because ALL girls seem to love checking him out. Not only does his confidence derive from that but he's extremely capable. He fixes things around the house and builds things for the house and generally is probably the best man I know. And even though he's constantly checked out he's pretty good about not returning the vibe and doesn't make me feel weird about it. I also know he'll always be faithful. Girls are constantly asking him out and he 100% ignores them all the time and never hides anything. One big issue with S is that we did not grow up similarly at all. He was constantly deprived of things he needed and wanted and I never was. His family has a lot of problems even though they're nice. He has a meth addict sibling, for instance. My family is super close and not like that at all. I'm afraid it will present problems later, as far as money management, neighborhoods to live in, schools to send kids to. Basically I realize money is one of the biggest things people break up over and we have very different backgrounds in that department. D does have some vices. He used to "joke" he was an alcoholic and about cocaine but I suspected there was some truth in what he was saying. He isn't confident of himself, which is strange because he has everything going for him. He also said he was an insomniac which is upsetting to me. I really don't know a whole lot about how we are together, we've never fought. He just got out of a really unhealthy relationship. I told him point blank he should find someone else for his rebound and he was a bit hurt I think. We have always meant a great deal to one another. He feels just the way I do about how we are the only person the other keeps going back to. But is it just a fantasy? We grew up in really similar situations, and can relate to each other really well. We run into each other at events in different cities, randomly, that's how much we have in common. The things I remember from our relationship were purely magical, we pretty much never got out of bed because all we wanted to do was laugh, watch tv, talk, goof around, and........ We had chemistry. We still do. I can just look at him or think of his name, and it's been years, and I still get lightheaded. I would love to be his wife, *I think* but all the practical aspects of how we are together are pretty much unknown. Also, where he sees this relationship headed I have no idea but marriage did come up last night indirectly. He didn't balk. He's tried to get me back a couple times, but I've always been too scared. I would have to move to be with him but I could still be in my same school program so that's good, and I have family where he lives. They both have sweet interesting friends. They both drive me wild, in the feminine sense and I think this is probably the most important decision of my life. What do you think? I'm thinking S.
BetheButterfly Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 (edited) Uh oh. You're in big trouble. Stop it before you hurt people. Do you know what love is? Do you know a couple who have been married AND in love AND love each other deeply for a long time? You need to talk with a couple like that. This grass is greener on the other side mentality has destroyed so many relationships. Please open your eyes. You need to ask yourself some questions, ok? 1. Why did D and I break up? 2. You say you were immature then... how have you grown? 3. Who/what has helped you grow since then? 4. There's always 2 people in every relationship... what did D do that didn't help your relationship thrive when you two were dating? 5. What issues does D have? Do these issues help him in a relationship or hurt people? 6. Remember back to when you met S. What were you thinking when you met him? 7. Why did you get engaged to him? 8. Do you truly love him? 9. Does he truly love you? 10. Are you willing and able to hurt him in order to be with a man who you had difficulty with in your past? Please take the above questions seriously... you don't need to write the answers here, but you seriously need to see if this is just a case of the grass being greener in another pasture... and really, sometimes the grass in another pasture can dry up in a sec while you're going there. So stop and really evaluate both men and what love truly is. Edited August 16, 2011 by BetheButterfly
Author 2guys1life Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 Thank you so much. I've already stopped communication with D after answering your questions. I'm going to invest in some relationship books and do some soul searching. I truly appreciate your time.
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