Jamone Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Last night i had quite a raunchy dream about my wife and now it's got me thinking whether i should try again. I moved out 2 months ago but still go to the house quite often to see my daughter. The problem is/was i was living in a near sexless marriage for a few yrs and the communication btwn us was almost non-existent. I can't remember the last time we had a good belly laugh together. Since i told her i wanted out and since i've moved out i've seen no emotion from her to show that it's affected her. She still continues to go out and do what she always did as if to say that it doesn't matter if i'm there or not. We are civil to each other but this dream has got me thinking if i should try again. I'm worried that if i do, i'll fall into the same trap again. I haven't started dating and am in the process healing myself and started looking for a new job. It may sound silly but i've even started going clean shaven as part of my new 'image'. I do want my family to be together and even though i give hard talk to my friends about not going back and starting a new page in my life, etc. i still think about this alot. I guess if i knew that she still cared it might encourage me to go ahead and try again but so far nothing. She seems quite happy without me. Is this just a blip that i will get over?
dontKnowMe Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 It sounds to me like you want to try -- so try. Tell her exactly what you wrote here. She's probably just trying to be strong or stubborn.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 If your wife doesn't want to try, there is no point. Please try to get into a good, open conversation with her about the future and whether SHE is interested and committed to doing her part to build a relationship with you that is mutually fulfilling. If she is not, you will go back to more of the same. Both people have to try.
Author Jamone Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 She is stubborn and she talks a good talk and rarely follows through and if she does it's for a short period. It took me over a year to muster up the courage to move out and now that i have, i'm thinking about going back. I am very committed to anything i do and if i say i'll change certain habits i will. My fear is it won't be reciprocated and i'll fall into the loveless, sexless, unhappy marriage that it was before. That was reason behind me starting that thread about the possibility of falling head over heals in love with somebody a second time. She said to me once that she believes that when you fall out of love with someone it's not possible to feel that way again. If she genuinely feels that way, then is there any point?
andyg99 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 She is stubborn and she talks a good talk and rarely follows through and if she does it's for a short period. It took me over a year to muster up the courage to move out and now that i have, i'm thinking about going back. I am very committed to anything i do and if i say i'll change certain habits i will. My fear is it won't be reciprocated and i'll fall into the loveless, sexless, unhappy marriage that it was before. That was reason behind me starting that thread about the possibility of falling head over heals in love with somebody a second time. She said to me once that she believes that when you fall out of love with someone it's not possible to feel that way again. If she genuinely feels that way, then is there any point? well I would ask her if she thought it would be worth it to give it another chance - if she agrees then you should both have a path towards reconciliation that you both agree on, maybe a counselor can help... if she's not on board then I guess you have to continue on the path to ending it... at least you didn't cheat and can look in the mirror and say you at least tried... take time to heal, put off that dating that you may be thinking about for a few more months... make sure you're ready because it wouldn't be fair to go out with someone and lead them on and then realize that you're not really ready...
Author Jamone Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 Thanks guys. They went down the coast for a few days yesterday and i phoned this evening to speak to my daughter. When my wife picked up she didn't even say hello she just said hold on and passed the phone to my daughter. After all i was feeling today that sort of put me on a downer. Maybe i'm just feeling sorry for myself. I married her because i loved her and i think i did the right thing by moving out but i still think about her even though i know how she is and having suffered what i did i still somehow want to go back. Is it because i'm craving affection and because i haven't had it for a while and with anyone else that i want to get back with her? Not feeling very positive at the moment. Help!
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