mavlast Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 ... when you really liked some things about them? My past date was a romantic, trusting, sexually liberal and knowledgeable (but not vulgar or promiscuous) woman. I adore all three of those characteristics, and would seek them in a new mate, but I want to keep an open mind and not reject someone simply because they didn't measure up to a past girl. Often, the hardest part of a failed relationship is losing those things that I did like, and then someone comes around who's even better. What's the secret?
Cee Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I think if you are sufficiently healed from a past relationship, a new woman will win you over. I totally get how you remember all the good things about your ex. I remember the amazing qualities about my exes too. But so much has time has passed that my exes are dim memories now. What is amazing about finding new love is that you think you know what you want. But then, she presents a whole new set of strengths to the table. And then, you become hooked on her qualities. And if you break up, then the cycle continues. Simply make sure you are over your ex and then you'll be ready to love anew. Happy hunting.
grkBoy Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 ... when you really liked some things about them? My past date was a romantic, trusting, sexually liberal and knowledgeable (but not vulgar or promiscuous) woman. I adore all three of those characteristics, and would seek them in a new mate, but I want to keep an open mind and not reject someone simply because they didn't measure up to a past girl. Often, the hardest part of a failed relationship is losing those things that I did like, and then someone comes around who's even better. What's the secret? You have to remember the bad things as much as the good. In the past, I was into the very hot party girls who always wore short skirts, heels, long hair, etc. Met a few and we had some good times...and bad. My fiance isn't a party girl and does look good in a short skirt, but she doesn't wear them normally. She also has shorter hair. Why didn't I reject her to keep chasing the girls of my past? I remembered the "bad" with those girls, and asked myself what's really important. I remembered when those girls were hot and cold, flakey, played games, etc. The problem with men and women in your scenario is they paint a picture of this past lover as the perfect lover, and yet dismiss/forget the bad things that led them to break up. So a girl will get with some playa or jerk who gave her some magical nights out in the beginning, but after they had sex he turned into a jerk and treated her terribly until she finally found the guts to break up. Now she's out looking for a man who is like the "magical" side of that past lover, but only running into more guys just like her ex. I've seen this very same behavior in people who take on a FWB, but really want that person to commit. They painted in their mind the ideal mate, but live in denial that he/she cheated on them, or abused them, or neglected them, or played games. You have to do the same. Think about what broke you two up as much as what you liked about this person. Be open minded and really prioritize what you want in someone for the LONG TERM. Lil miss hottie in skirts and heels could wake up one day with you and be 20lbs heavier with her hair chopped off and her wardrobe only consisting of loose "slob around the house" clothes. Think about if this person is someone you could be with for 20 years...not 20 days or 20 months.
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