SweetPea7447 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 First I should mention that I'm not even sure I'm in a long distance relationship . The man I will be calling my boyfriend for the sake of keeping things simple has never actually asked me to be his girlfriend. Instead he would frequently say things like "wow, my gf is is a witch" (inside joke) in place of "you must be a witch". So, that explains that but on to the problem. He recently told me that he loved me and I'm afraid I've botched things up beyond repair. We have lightheartedly discussed meeting each other and he has jokingly (I'm assuming at this point) brought up the subject of moving closer to one another. Eventually I started taking him seriously because of how often the subject came up and it was becoming clear that neither of us are willing to make a move now or in the foreseeable future. With that in mind, when he told me "I love you. We need to find a way to be together" the only thing I could think to say was "I don't see how" Needless to say, nothing has been the same. He took it much harder than I expected and I'm worried I've crushed any hope he had in us being able to work something out. I do love him but refused to admit it just because it didn't seem right to me not to be able to say it to his face for the first time. Now it may be too little, too late. We've barely talked in weeks and when we do I feel like he's sabotaging our connection. Perhaps to protect himself..maybe I have too. If it's even possible, How do I reestablish the bond we had before? He's been very upset lately but refuses to talk to me. I told him I was sorry if it was because of anything I had said and he insisted that it's not because of me but he won't tell me what the problem is. Now I'm worried that he doesn't even want to remain friends as before he always relied on me for support in any matter.
HeavenOrHell Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 He was already talking above moving closer before you've even met?! That's not realistic, until you meet it's just a fantasy. Reality is based on spending time with that person and creating a (deeper) bond by spending time together, experiencing each other in different day to day situations. No-one knows for sure how well they'll get on before they've met and spent time together. I'd see it as a red flag if he was already talking about moving closer before you've even met and that he's gone cold on you when you rightly and realistically said you don't see how. He's not being mature about this at all, if he's upset/has a problem he should tell you and not sulk. Do you want to be with someone who sulks, doesn't talk to you when they don't get their own way Communication is so crucial in an LDR, I find it hard to talk about problems with my partner, and he bottles things up, but we're learning to communicate better when there's a problem, otherwise we'd get nowhere. You don't deserve him giving you the silent treatment, you did nothing wrong, you were just being realistic/honest. If he refuses to talk to you, can you email him and say how you feel about it all? First I should mention that I'm not even sure I'm in a long distance relationship . The man I will be calling my boyfriend for the sake of keeping things simple has never actually asked me to be his girlfriend. Instead he would frequently say things like "wow, my gf is is a witch" (inside joke) in place of "you must be a witch". So, that explains that but on to the problem. He recently told me that he loved me and I'm afraid I've botched things up beyond repair. We have lightheartedly discussed meeting each other and he has jokingly (I'm assuming at this point) brought up the subject of moving closer to one another. Eventually I started taking him seriously because of how often the subject came up and it was becoming clear that neither of us are willing to make a move now or in the foreseeable future. With that in mind, when he told me "I love you. We need to find a way to be together" the only thing I could think to say was "I don't see how" Needless to say, nothing has been the same. He took it much harder than I expected and I'm worried I've crushed any hope he had in us being able to work something out. I do love him but refused to admit it just because it didn't seem right to me not to be able to say it to his face for the first time. Now it may be too little, too late. We've barely talked in weeks and when we do I feel like he's sabotaging our connection. Perhaps to protect himself..maybe I have too. If it's even possible, How do I reestablish the bond we had before? He's been very upset lately but refuses to talk to me. I told him I was sorry if it was because of anything I had said and he insisted that it's not because of me but he won't tell me what the problem is. Now I'm worried that he doesn't even want to remain friends as before he always relied on me for support in any matter.
K33 Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Well, first I have to say that I completely agree with HoH. I find it very odd that he is talking about moving closer, but you guys haven't even met yet. My boyfriend does the same thing. He completely ignores me when he is upset, but I have brought it to his attention about how it makes me feel and he is getting better at it. I find that handwritten letters are way more personal have have definitely saved my relationship when I thought it was about to break. If you can, write and send him a letter.
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