WhoMI Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I'll try to make the story short. We were happily together for 2.5 yrs & so in love...he gave me all the attention in the world. I felt "special". Then 5 months ago he graduated & moved away to start his job. Things were fine the 1st couple of months...we txt throughout the day & everyday. I understand that he's starting a new life outside of school & it's stressful plus busy. I became a bit insecure with this LD thing. We started to have lil arguments & unsuccessfully broke up a couple of times. Since he's been gone we've met 3 times. 2 weeks ago we were txting each other & he got pissed about something I said and still I don't know what it was. He said it was a lil thing but for him it was very important and that he couldn't let it go. I asked him to tell me and we can work on it but he said I should figure it out myself because there's no meaning if he just tells me. Later that night we got on skype and I asked him again but he said no he doesn't want to tell me and that I don't know him well. So I asked him does this mean he wants to break up with me? He said yes....BANG goes my heart! So on skype with no video chat, only typing I was dumped. And of course I cried, begged, watever that I'm not supposed to do I DID. The 1st week after the break up we still txt and he was worried about me and try to cheer me up. Then we agreed on me going to visit & talk face-face next month. I already bought my non-refundable plane ticket. Gonna meet up in early September. Last week I went on a week holiday with my family and I did txt him the 1st day and after that I stopped because he said I shouldn't think of anything except for we will meet in a month and he was tired. 3 days no txt (it killed me) then I got a txt from him saying his phone broke a few days ago & just got a rental one. I came back home on Sat and we didn't txt since then but this morning my weak self fell into temptation and sent him a general email instead of txt because I don't want to be a bother to him. He probably doesn't check his yahoo mail that often. It's week 2 and I can't stop thinking! I just want myself back instead of this miserable person. Sorry it was supposed to be a short story. Thanks for reading
light_vader Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Hello. He said it was a lil thing but for him it was very important and that he couldn't let it go. I asked him to tell me and we can work on it but he said I should figure it out myself because there's no meaning if he just tells me. You know, this for me, now, is a deal breaker. My ex used to be like that (and we men, stereotype women by saying you're all like that) and it's annoying!!! Inability to have an ADULT conversation about what's wrong on the relationship, what our points of view are etc... it a no-go. It's like trying to talk to a child or a tree. The whole "figure out by yourself" is not healthy for a relationship at all. Communication is one of the foundations for a relationship, seems like you guys are missing it. So I asked him does this mean he wants to break up with me? He said yes....BANG goes my heart! So on skype with no video chat, only typing I was dumped. I see a couple of read flags here. First, his inability to be emotionally authentic and just plain old tell you "this is not working for me anymore" but rather trying not to take all the guilt and expecting you to ask "Is it over honey?". Second, his inability to look you straight to the eyes and tell you it's over. While the second once didn't happen to me, the first one was what was in the menu for me that night when I was decided to break up with my EX (because I had hacked into her all e-accounts and found out she was emotionally cheating on me with this guy at work), but it was not until I asked that she said it was over. I was emotionally dumb back there as well I know, but it bugged me for a while that the day before she texted me back after I told her "I love you baby" a "Me too" and hugged and kissed me that very same day at lunch. She was so emotionally dumb that she kept on holding me right there even when her mind was set a long time ago before it was over about me (hint, she didn't love me anymore). So you're fresh off the plain and there is quite a long road to go, whether you decide to make improvements in your life or just give up "like the rest". Either way keep us posted and let it all ago, it will help you tons. My relationship also lasted 2.5 years and it's been 4 months already and I feel like there is still a lot of work to be done, but the good thing is, I'm slowly getting back there and made the choice, the choice to LOVE myself over all else and enjoy my life, which is all I have after we take all the bells and whistles. Someday I'll find someone worth of sharing this path with me. You didn't ask, but if it was for me, I'll give away that plain ticket to a friend who feels like visiting wherever you are supposed to go in September (again, are YOU the one to be visiting HIM to ask him "why why why oh why"?).
Author WhoMI Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 Thanks light_vader for ur feedback. I don't really want to ask why why why now. I just want him to officially tell me face-face that it's over. I think I deserve that. I know crazy of me to want to get hurt even more but I believe that's the only way I'll totally give up & move on. Yes I prefer a strong direct stab to my heart then slowly crushing it. I will try really hard NC until I go visit and who knows may be in a couple of weeks my pain will be less & it'll be ok to meet & have a "mature" talk. If we can't be together, I still want the friendship in the future. We share alot of things and know a lot about each other. I'm really happy I found this site where I can just express my emotions without being judged. I don't want to bother my friends anymore...I'm sure they had enough of my "talk".
danceallday Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I have to say that I am so glad to have found this site too. It has really been so helpful to know that I am not the only one going through tough stuff. NC is really the way to go and ultimately so what about the plane ticket? It is just money. Money vs. self-esteem = self-esteem should win. It sounds like he seriously has trouble communicating with you (maybe everybody). You need to politely tell him before your flight is supposed to leave that if he wants to meet you that is fine, but if not that is fine too because you have plenty of things to do instead of taking the trip. You don't have to be rude, bitchy, angry. Just succinct. Let him know that you mean business and that you ultimately do not have to take his crap.
Author WhoMI Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 danceallday He txt me yesterday after reading that email I sent him early in the morning and ask if he can chat. So we got on skype. He said he couldn't help it but worry about me and he wants me to eat & sleep well and be happy. Then he started making silly jokes to try to make me not think about things and laugh and we discussed a bit my accommodations when I get there. That's about it and we ended with a good night. I txt him this morning telling him I'm going to be more positive and he does't need to worry about me anymore. I decided to try to focus on myself no matter how hard it will be...I'll just keep trying and trying until one day I don't need to try anymore:) I won't contact him until I go visit in 2 weeks or if he contacts me then I'll reply. No more begging, self-pity, crying...it's exhausting.
ConfusedT Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 it is exhausting, isn't it? i did it for like 2 weeks straight, almost every single day! it wore me out, physically & more importantly, emotionally! IT WAS TERRIBLE. NC is really the best way to go. ive been eating, sleeping, feeling a little better day by day, it gets hard and then easy, up and then down. at least your ex is nice, mine is terrible & so disrespectful, ugh.
Author WhoMI Posted August 18, 2011 Author Posted August 18, 2011 ConfusedT I'm sorry to hear that ur ex is not nice. But I wonder if that would be better than having an ex who cares about you (like mine)???? It might be easier to let go. Same as you I'm sure every day will be a lil less painful. Since I started feeling crap about myself after the break up, it made me what to do something to be a better person. I'm gonna start a distance study to get a bachelor degree in what I always wanted to do since high school but never put it into action. I actually am excited about it since I made that decision and now I'm not only thinking about "him" or the "pain" but it's still there & I'll let time take care of that. I hope everyone can somehow turn this painful experience into something that will help them grow & realize there's more than just "him"/"her" in life.
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