Here's my dilemma...

[blueskyahead]

So nobody understands the situation except you, right?

 

I know I'm a fanatic anti-cheating absolutist. I don't claim otherwise.

 

But to paint the obvious as something else is warped.

 

This whole thread is warped dude. Lexy and her supporting members here should join a Cheaters Anonymous - Cheaters who support other cheaters. Heavens. Yeah..some people cheat and they learn from it and NEVER do it again but then there are people here like Lexy who are serial cheaters and is looking for someone to pat them on the back and say "It's ok. I understand, do it again."

 

Heaven's Lexygirl. Why don't you turn off your computer and stop trolling for men and on here whining about your bad, bad husband. Maybe do something for you husband. Spend time with him helping him withhis hobbies.

Lord, why do we waste our breath, selfish people only listen to what they want to hear anyway.

[blueskyahead]

Not in my book. Cheating is defined as LYING about other relationships in my book.

 

Consent is not required. Thus, as long as one INFORMS his spouse, it is not cheating because there is no lying involved.

 

It is perfectly fine, in my books, to separate and say "now i am going to see other people".

 

Right. So why get married if the vows are not important?

 

So, for example "honey, I'm not happy with my sex life i want to sleep with other people." No dear, I don't want you to do that?" "well I am, and since I'm not lying and telling you it's not cheating - too bad" You think that's OK? REALLY?

 

If both spouses agree to it then yeah, both are ok then it's not cheating because marriage is null and void at that point anyway.

 

Hell, why do people not care about the sancitity of marriage anymore. If vows are just words, why go through the whole wedding crap then?

Edited August 16, 2011 by blueskyahead

[blueskyahead]

thanks dude

 

Great post.

[John Michael Kane]

Not in my book. Cheating is defined as LYING about other relationships in my book.

 

Two cheaters cheating doesn't equal a relationship.

 

Consent is not required. Thus, as long as one INFORMS his spouse, it is not cheating because there is no lying involved.

 

We know consent is not required, but that doesn't mean it's okay to cheat. And even if the BS knows their spouse is cheating doesn't make it anything less than cheating. It's still cheating whether the cheater disrespectfully "informs" the spouse or not.

 

It is perfectly fine, in my books, to separate and say "now i am going to see other people".

 

Well that's your book. That's not the real world.

[Spark1111]

Lexy, I understand what you are not getting from this relationship.

 

But what are you giving to it? What do you do, give to him?

 

It is time to go to MC. Give it your all, your very best shot for one year.

 

Then make a decision together. MC can help improve a marriage, or prepare for an amical divorce.

 

Start reading together. There are so many wonderful books out there to help improve a relationship.

 

Has he had a full physical? Testosterone levels and prostate check-up? Does he take direction well in the bedroom? Many men do not unless under very specific circumstances. Have you explored what he likes sexually? Is he very closed down? IC would help him.

 

Make improving you and your marriage your job for one full year using every means at your disposal. Complement often. Listen more. Complain less.

 

And have some fun together with NO KIDS.

 

Get busy.

[Spark1111]

Not in my book. Cheating is defined as LYING about other relationships in my book.

 

Consent is not required. Thus, as long as one INFORMS his spouse, it is not cheating because there is no lying involved.

 

It is perfectly fine, in my books, to separate and say "now i am going to see other people".

 

Well, you are not truly anything until the state you live in declares a legal separation.

 

So regardless if you inform your spouse or not, until LEGALLY separated, yes, you are technically commiting adultery.

 

People can physically separate for a variety of stressors as a cooling off period for a short time. It is in separation that counseling and all avenues should be explored as a means to save a marriage, not cheat on it.

 

It's a stupid move. Your spouse could make your life and your paramour's life a total living hell if they so desired, because even though you are physically separated, you are still legally married.

 

Separation should not be treated like a "break-up." It is NOT considered such legally.

[nyrias]

Right. So why get married if the vows are not important?

 

So, for example "honey, I'm not happy with my sex life i want to sleep with other people." No dear, I don't want you to do that?" "well I am, and since I'm not lying and telling you it's not cheating - too bad" You think that's OK? REALLY?

 

If both spouses agree to it then yeah, both are ok then it's not cheating because marriage is null and void at that point anyway.

 

Hell, why do people not care about the sancitity of marriage anymore. If vows are just words, why go through the whole wedding crap then?

 

That is a different question. May be for money? for status? for convenience? To please parents? Don't tell me you are naive enough to believe those things do not happen.

 

If two are separating, and one spouse said "i am seeing other people", it is dissolving the marriage ANYWAY. Are you saying it is not ok to dissolve a marriage? That happens all the time with OTHER reasons.

 

What is the point of keeping in a marriage if one spouse wants to go?

 

Vows are just words. 50% of the wedding vows are broken eventually. You can argue may be marriage should be abolished. But meanwhile, at least 50% of the people are not keeping their vows.

 

Not a very pretty picture, uh?

[nyrias]

Well, you are not truly anything until the state you live in declares a legal separation.

 

So regardless if you inform your spouse or not, until LEGALLY separated, yes, you are technically commiting adultery.

 

People can physically separate for a variety of stressors as a cooling off period for a short time. It is in separation that counseling and all avenues should be explored as a means to save a marriage, not cheat on it.

 

It's a stupid move. Your spouse could make your life and your paramour's life a total living hell if they so desired, because even though you are physically separated, you are still legally married.

 

Separation should not be treated like a "break-up." It is NOT considered such legally.

 

Sure. There is the legal ramification and i suppose if this really happens, one should consult a lawyer. But it sounds like it is ok in SOME states. Is it true?

 

In the matter of heart, i doubt it will make a huge difference. The marriage will end anyway and it probably does not matter if one informs the spouse during the separation, or wait till the divorce is final.

[jthorne]

Not a very pretty picture, uh?

About as pretty as all the jacking going on in this thread.

 

Instead of arguing with others about what does or doesn't constitute cheating, do you have any advice for the OP on how she should handle her dilemma? Or are you just interested in arguing with everyone else?

[GG2W]

Lexygirl

 

I have read your other thread, and now I see where you are coming from

 

I am not surprised to see that you are being bashed, but understand that most here have been cheated on, and in their view no cheating is an absolute.

 

They will never get that a good percentage of them had any hand in their spouse crossing the line. It was all the cheaters fault. Part of it is their egos that will never let them understand that sometimes there was nothing that the WS could do. That the BS lost their ability to push the right buttons of the WS, so the WS was faced with living a life without passion or sex, or cheating

 

I do know of several couples who live in an open marriage, most do it for the excitment.

 

There are just a few who are able to get their spouse's permission becasue their spouse is no longer capable to provide them with a good sex life

 

You only live once! In a hunded years who is going to care?

[Owl]

It could have been how GGW described it.

 

Or it could be that GG2W is completely lost, and it may have been that the person who decided to cheat was the source of the problems to begin with. They say it takes two to make a marriage...so clearly it only takes one to screw it up.

 

You can insult the people who were betrayed all you like, GG2W. If it makes you feel better about your own choices...then that's entirely up to you to deal with.

 

As far as who will care in 100 years? Clearly no one. Everyone involved will be dead. But who will care in the next five years, or the next ten? Potentially every person impacted by the choice to cheat.

 

Just throwing a little reality onto the fantasy fire to cool it down a might.

[Try]

Not in my book. Cheating is defined as LYING about other relationships in my book.

 

Consent is not required. Thus, as long as one INFORMS his spouse, it is not cheating because there is no lying involved.

 

It is perfectly fine, in my books, to separate and say "now i am going to see other people".

It does not matter if you call it cheating or not, the impact on the H will be the same. She had sex with other people. The fact that she moved out of the home for a couple of months so that she could focus on doing this without worrying about him does not make him feel less betrayed.

Edited August 16, 2011 by Try

[blueskyahead]

It could have been how GGW described it.

 

Or it could be that GG2W is completely lost, and it may have been that the person who decided to cheat was the source of the problems to begin with. They say it takes two to make a marriage...so clearly it only takes one to screw it up.

 

You can insult the people who were betrayed all you like, GG2W. If it makes you feel better about your own choices...then that's entirely up to you to deal with.

 

As far as who will care in 100 years? Clearly no one. Everyone involved will be dead. But who will care in the next five years, or the next ten? Potentially every person impacted by the choice to cheat.

 

Just throwing a little reality onto the fantasy fire to cool it down a might.

 

YES. HOLY COW - SOMEONE WHO SEES THINGS STRAIGHT!

owl you are so right.

 

GG2W - no one ever deserves to be cheated on. Yeah sure it takes two to make and break a marriage but I'm sorry it takes one selfish person to make a decision to cheat.

 

Sugar coat it for Lexy all you want. If she wants real reactions then here they are. If she wants sugar coatings then as I suggested earlier, start a Cheaters Anonymous Forum. I sure hope there is no one around to deal with Lexy's poor decisions in 100 years - it's the next 10 that will be more important.

 

If being a cheating cheerleader makes you feel better for what you did GG2W. Way to go dear! GIVE ME A C..H..E..A..T..E..R - what ya got??? YEAH GG2W and LEXY

[blueskyahead]

It does not matter if you call it cheating or not, the impact on the H will be the same. She had sex with other people. The fact that she moved out of the home for a couple of months so that she could focus on doing this without worrying about him does not make him feel less betrayed.

 

Exactly. Her husband is the one who has been betrayed. She didn't have her husbands approval to go off and have affairs when they were seperated. She took the break to find herself, not find herself in bed with other men.

 

This is not something he just got over because you came out and told him the truth. It will take years. You made that decision Lexygirl. There are consequences to those decisions. Lack of interest sexually is probably one of those consequences. Your a big girl..big enough of a girl to make the decision to sleep with other men - Big enough to clean up your mess and help your husband through this. That is the least you should do.

[Severely Unamused]

I didn't read through the entire thread. I should point out that the reason Lexy had an affair in the first place, was because of these marital problems. This has been going on for a very long time.

 

My answer is perhaps not one that you will like. You and your husband have done everything that you can for years. It hasn't worked. Sometimes, the best thing to do for everybody involved, is throw in the towel and move on. In my opinion, an open marriage for you personally, would be like putting a tourniquet on something that is already too far gone.

 

I think that you know what you have to do. You suggested it in your first post in this thread. It's a big step. It's a heartbreaking step. But sometimes the harder road is the only way forward.

Edited August 16, 2011 by Severely Unamused

[Lexygirl]

Wow. I want to thank each and every person here for taking the time to post.

 

I DO feel for my husband. That's why ending it or not is such an agonizing decision. I can see how broken we both are when we are apart and it's really painful. I want us both to be happy !

 

I'm not even going to get into the sexual incompatibility much more than to say it exists in a HUGE way and not only with frequency but many other ways too. We just DO NOT and NEVER WILL be compatible that way. This really hurts me to know and yes it also hurts me to know I am no longer attracted to him.

 

As far as his hobbies... Never have I 'nagged' at him regarding this. I only ever have asked for a balance in our marriage. I want him to have his interests just as he wants me to have mine. At one point the scales were VERY lop sided and I did communicate (not nag) how I did not like this. Things didn't change until I left. Now he is changing and so am I and I feel like it's a wonderful thing BUT in the pit of my stomach I have this awful feeling like it's too little, too late.

 

How can a marriage survive with no touch, with no intimacy or real desire for it? Like I say.. we talk sometimes, we go out together at times, we do things with our kids together which is all lovely. But to look deep within ourselves, you can see this black cloud of reality that no one wants to address. How can it be fixed? I have no answer to.

 

Me wanting to leave isn't as simple as 'being horny' as some have put it. If it were THAT simple, I would come onto him ALOT and I'm sure we would have a wonderful life together but there is MUCH more involved here.... lack of attraction, deep resentment on both sides, lack of sexual compatibility (as I've mentioned), his past VERY negative and judgmental attitude, my OCD, our combined low grade depression, lack of proper support system, etc.

 

I would love to address each person individually but honestly, I feel really drained and stressed right now even typing about these issues. It's wearing on both of us and like I say, I would just love to 'live' and hope like pollyanna that life will magically be wonderful for us but I'm not the pollyanna type and never will be. I am not naive enough to think that just letting time pass will solve anything.

 

We are both starting to go to IC soon... I start on Thursday and he will be going soon. Not sure what this will accomplish, though, tbh.

I know some ppl have mentioned MC but I feel IC needs to come first to figure out if MC even has a place for us again.

[John Michael Kane]

Wow. I want to thank each and every person here for taking the time to post.

 

I DO feel for my husband. That's why ending it or not is such an agonizing decision. I can see how broken we both are when we are apart and it's really painful. I want us both to be happy !

 

I'm not even going to get into the sexual incompatibility much more than to say it exists in a HUGE way and not only with frequency but many other ways too. We just DO NOT and NEVER WILL be compatible that way. This really hurts me to know and yes it also hurts me to know I am no longer attracted to him.

 

As far as his hobbies... Never have I 'nagged' at him regarding this. I only ever have asked for a balance in our marriage. I want him to have his interests just as he wants me to have mine. At one point the scales were VERY lop sided and I did communicate (not nag) how I did not like this. Things didn't change until I left. Now he is changing and so am I and I feel like it's a wonderful thing BUT in the pit of my stomach I have this awful feeling like it's too little, too late.

 

How can a marriage survive with no touch, with no intimacy or real desire for it? Like I say.. we talk sometimes, we go out together at times, we do things with our kids together which is all lovely. But to look deep within ourselves, you can see this black cloud of reality that no one wants to address. How can it be fixed? I have no answer to.

 

Me wanting to leave isn't as simple as 'being horny' as some have put it. If it were THAT simple, I would come onto him ALOT and I'm sure we would have a wonderful life together but there is MUCH more involved here.... lack of attraction, deep resentment on both sides, lack of sexual compatibility (as I've mentioned), his past VERY negative and judgmental attitude, my OCD, our combined low grade depression, lack of proper support system, etc.

 

I would love to address each person individually but honestly, I feel really drained and stressed right now even typing about these issues. It's wearing on both of us and like I say, I would just love to 'live' and hope like pollyanna that life will magically be wonderful for us but I'm not the pollyanna type and never will be. I am not naive enough to think that just letting time pass will solve anything.

 

We are both starting to go to IC soon... I start on Thursday and he will be going soon. Not sure what this will accomplish, though, tbh.

I know some ppl have mentioned MC but I feel IC needs to come first to figure out if MC even has a place for us again.

 

You're still putting all the blame on him Lexy. Have you even notified him of ALL the times you cheated?

[John Michael Kane]

I didn't read through the entire thread. I should point out that the reason Lexy had an affair in the first place, was because of these marital problems. This has been going on for a very long time.

 

That's not a reason to cheat.

[dreamingoftigers]

There is no legal separation in Canada, unfortunately.

 

Well, you are not truly anything until the state you live in declares a legal separation.

 

So regardless if you inform your spouse or not, until LEGALLY separated, yes, you are technically commiting adultery.

 

People can physically separate for a variety of stressors as a cooling off period for a short time. It is in separation that counseling and all avenues should be explored as a means to save a marriage, not cheat on it.

 

It's a stupid move. Your spouse could make your life and your paramour's life a total living hell if they so desired, because even though you are physically separated, you are still legally married.

 

Separation should not be treated like a "break-up." It is NOT considered such legally.

[dreamingoftigers]

You know what?

 

Dude's a ****ing porn addict. As straight-up porn addict who has been refusing intimacy with his wife for a goddamn eternity.

 

When Lexygirl first posted on LS I can't day that I was in love with her attitude. I can say that later on I have come to see someone who hasn't developed the coping skills to deal with his addiction because it hasn't been fully recognized yet.

 

Let me tell the judgment crew this: I had dealt with both infidelity and porn addiction by my mate and IT FEELS THE SAME. THE PAIN, DISREGARD AND BETRAYAL FEEL THE SAME.

 

Given that lens, we all can take the moral stance that while her cheating while SEPARATED may not be ****ing wonderful and all that given her emotional state: she is still willing to try with her Jackass husband who is selfish with his intimacy and sex.

 

I have lived with porn addiction in my life for 3 years now and I can say that it has absolutely pushed my life to limits of sanity. Furthermore every Tom, Prick and Moron doesn't understand that it is an addiction that wears away a woman's dignity and self-worth sexually.

 

I don't sign the warrant on Lexygirl's cheating but I would love to see ANY OF YOU live with porn addiction and the sexual ramifications all while being told that the problem is you sexually and that it "isn't a big deal." so of course you end up feeling obligated to try to save a long-term marriage with dome dude who keeps promising everything under the Sun and delivers absolutely nothing in the sack and then blames you.

 

Try it. The only reasons I haven't had any sack time with someone else yet is because 1. I want to be faithful to my spiritual beliefs. My husband doesn't deserve my faithfulness 2. I see what affairs and flings do thanks to LS and I can do without the unintended consequences in my life.

 

Lexygirl isn't Mormon and she had her flings before she came to LS.

I blame her maybe one iota for cheating. That's it. One iota.

 

Until you He-men (and she-women) have lived with a porn addict that has helped dissolve your intimate life into a pile of steaming crap (and yes it I'd different in that sense then infidelity, you aren't competing with one or two OW for a relationship. You are competing with an entire industry designed specifically to get your husband to ignore you completely because you no longe have the exaggerated physical assets of an 18-21 year old), until you have done that, you know NOTHING about this situation except some text on a forum.

 

I would bet my life savings ($5.34 and a gum wrapper I found in the couch) that over half of you would have divorced VERY acrimoniously thinking that there was something wrong with you sexually and the remaining percentage would have had at least one fling by now.

 

I meet with a support group about every other week of women and men who are spouses of porn/sexual addicts. I actually am a sexual addict myself and fighting down the urges to just let loose after 3 years of bull**** is more He'll then bankruptcy. I digress. In this group, the pain regarding sexual shame and insecurity is so high that most of you would probably bawl your eyes out. At least I HAVE a ****ing group to go to. Lexygirl doesn't even know WTF the deal was with her H. Try dealing with that pain in isolation and scraping your self-esteem off the floor.

 

Normally, on here I would eat self-serving cheaters for dinner like cheese and pasta. Lexygirl needs to take responsibility for the rest of her emotional decision-making. But I am never going to rip on her for the flings.

 

You people missed something else: she came here for help, not so you people could bash the crap out of her for something she can't undo anyways while you all high-five each other. Lame.

 

Lexygirl, there's another forum for women going through what we are dealing with, PM me.

[John Michael Kane]

You know what?

 

Dude's a ****ing porn addict. As straight-up porn addict who has been refusing intimacy with his wife for a goddamn eternity.

 

When Lexygirl first posted on LS I can't day that I was in love with her attitude. I can say that later on I have come to see someone who hasn't developed the coping skills to deal with his addiction because it hasn't been fully recognized yet.

 

Let me tell the judgment crew this: I had dealt with both infidelity and porn addiction by my mate and IT FEELS THE SAME. THE PAIN, DISREGARD AND BETRAYAL FEEL THE SAME.

 

Given that lens, we all can take the moral stance that while her cheating while SEPARATED may not be ****ing wonderful and all that given her emotional state: she is still willing to try with her Jackass husband who is selfish with his intimacy and sex.

 

I have lived with porn addiction in my life for 3 years now and I can say that it has absolutely pushed my life to limits of sanity. Furthermore every Tom, Prick and Moron doesn't understand that it is an addiction that wears away a woman's dignity and self-worth sexually.

 

I don't sign the warrant on Lexygirl's cheating but I would love to see ANY OF YOU live with porn addiction and the sexual ramifications all while being told that the problem is you sexually and that it "isn't a big deal." so of course you end up feeling obligated to try to save a long-term marriage with dome dude who keeps promising everything under the Sun and delivers absolutely nothing in the sack and then blames you.

 

Try it. The only reasons I haven't had any sack time with someone else yet is because 1. I want to be faithful to my spiritual beliefs. My husband doesn't deserve my faithfulness 2. I see what affairs and flings do thanks to LS and I can do without the unintended consequences in my life.

 

Lexygirl isn't Mormon and she had her flings before she came to LS.

I blame her maybe one iota for cheating. That's it. One iota.

 

Until you He-men (and she-women) have lived with a porn addict that has helped dissolve your intimate life into a pile of steaming crap (and yes it I'd different in that sense then infidelity, you aren't competing with one or two OW for a relationship. You are competing with an entire industry designed specifically to get your husband to ignore you completely because you no longe have the exaggerated physical assets of an 18-21 year old), until you have done that, you know NOTHING about this situation except some text on a forum.

 

I would bet my life savings ($5.34 and a gum wrapper I found in the couch) that over half of you would have divorced VERY acrimoniously thinking that there was something wrong with you sexually and the remaining percentage would have had at least one fling by now.

 

I meet with a support group about every other week of women and men who are spouses of porn/sexual addicts. I actually am a sexual addict myself and fighting down the urges to just let loose after 3 years of bull**** is more He'll then bankruptcy. I digress. In this group, the pain regarding sexual shame and insecurity is so high that most of you would probably bawl your eyes out. At least I HAVE a ****ing group to go to. Lexygirl doesn't even know WTF the deal was with her H. Try dealing with that pain in isolation and scraping your self-esteem off the floor.

 

Normally, on here I would eat self-serving cheaters for dinner like cheese and pasta. Lexygirl needs to take responsibility for the rest of her emotional decision-making. But I am never going to rip on her for the flings.

 

You people missed something else: she came here for help, not so you people could bash the crap out of her for something she can't undo anyways while you all high-five each other. Lame.

 

Lexygirl, there's another forum for women going through what we are dealing with, PM me.

 

I have to disagree. Someone watching porn doesn't excuse the other going out and cheating multiple times, taking the kids with him/her for two months, chatting with other men/women online and refusing to be remorseful or truthful for all they've done to their spouse, including the constant nagging and even begging for an open marriage. That's just wrong. If the porn watching was so bad then a divorce would've sufficed.

[Space Ritual]

Told ya this thread was triggery...obviously not just for me...lol

[dreamingoftigers]

I have to disagree. Someone watching porn doesn't excuse the other going out and cheating multiple times, taking the kids with him/her for two months, chatting with other men/women online and refusing to be remorseful or truthful for all they've done to their spouse, including the constant nagging and even begging for an open marriage. That's just wrong. If the porn watching was so bad then a divorce would've sufficed.

 

Please quote where I said "excuse."

 

And it wasn't that he "watches porn" it's that he won't give his wife a ****ing iota of sexual attention or intimacy because he is ADDICTED to it.

 

How do I know? Every single last sign and symptom is there right down to HER REACTIONARY COPING SKILLS. Threads like these may as well have check-boxes for them.

 

Porn/sexual addicts don't have regular relationships. They just don't. They often have relationships with people that have a low sexual self-esteem to begin with and just suck the life out of them. It's hard to build up strength when someone is hitting you in your weakest parts repeatedly.

 

I don't think your nuts would get any stronger if you got punched in them twice daily.

 

Tbh, it puts you into survival mode. That's about it. Your world becomes a series of stress-dependent reactions, not much different then any other abusive relationship. And YES it is ABUSIVE.

 

Do you know how many times on average it takes to accept your spouse is like this and that you leave? Seven times on average. SEVEN times. She's got one down do far.

 

I hope they both get help. I swear to God they both need it. No marital counselor worth their salt these days would let this fly under the radar but sadly theirs did.

 

By the way, porn-addicts have very little empathy for others. I doubt he even gave much of a damn besides using it as an excuse to blame her more.

 

Did he care Lexygirl? Did he act like he even missed you when you left? Are you like a sister to him? Does he talk to you like you aren't even his wife but sometimes his mother?

 

Give me a good old-fashioned, trying to split the marriage OW over living with a porn-addict any day. Please, in fact.

[John Michael Kane]

Please quote where I said "excuse."

 

And it wasn't that he "watches porn" it's that he won't give his wife a ****ing iota of sexual attention or intimacy because he is ADDICTED to it.

 

Doesn't give the green light to cheat.

 

How do I know? Every single last sign and symptom is there right down to HER REACTIONARY COPING SKILLS. Threads like these may as well have check-boxes for them.

Her "reaction" was a planned decision in the making that was repetitive as time passed, right up to present day.

 

Porn/sexual addicts don't have regular relationships. They just don't. They often have relationships with people that have a low sexual self-esteem to begin with and just suck the life out of them. It's hard to build up strength when someone is hitting you in your weakest parts repeatedly.

No one would fault her for trying to get him out of that but to take the kids and.....that's just way over the top.

 

I don't think your nuts would get any stronger if you got punched in them twice daily.

 

Tbh, it puts you into survival mode. That's about it. Your world becomes a series of stress-dependent reactions, not much different then any other abusive relationship. And YES it is ABUSIVE.

Porn addiction is not necessarily abusive.

 

Do you know how many times on average it takes to accept your spouse is like this and that you leave? Seven times on average. SEVEN times. She's got one down do far.

 

I hope they both get help. I swear to God they both need it. No marital counselor worth their salt these days would let this fly under the radar but sadly theirs did.

Which is why a divorce should happen. He never deserved this.

 

By the way, porn-addicts have very little empathy for others. I doubt he even gave much of a damn besides using it as an excuse to blame her more.

You're comparing porn to serial cheating. That's like comparing apples to a meat-lovers pizza and a tall glass of Coke.

 

Did he care Lexygirl? Did he act like he even missed you when you left? Are you like a sister to him? Does he talk to you like you aren't even his wife but sometimes his mother?

I'm sure he feels unsatisfied also with her behavior towards him and probably has a lot more questions than she.

 

Give me a good old-fashioned, trying to split the marriage OW over living with a porn-addict any day. Please, in fact.

[dreamingoftigers]

PORN ADDICTION is about the equivalent to serial cheating and does the same emotionally. This is not a lone, rogue opinion.

 

I honestly don't know how planned the flings were. Here in Calgary, I was quite surprised by my near (yuck) experience that being a woman willing to go at it, it was easier and quicker to order than pizza. Thank God my sense kicked in (mildly).

 

If you are a woman who wants sex and you aren't discriminating, you can get it in under 15 minutes, if you are discriminating, I think it might take 25. Dependent only on commute. Let's just say I was shocked.

 

By that logic, she could've even had a few in a 24 hour period while still being in messed-in-the head land. People in my group have done worse.

 

I am glad that I never had those bits of knowledge when I was in active sexual addiction.

 

It would be up to Lexygirl to detail her experiences and I don't think she would really want to in front of this crowd.

 

As for it not being abusive. I have yet to hear of one relationship where it wasn't. And one relationship where it wasn't a total mind-**** to the partner.

 

As for the kids: my therapist, my husband's addiction therapist and our Bishop all said the same thing: unless he is demonstrating sexual sobriety and attending his recovery keep his daughter to supervised visits. It will be a tooth and nail fight at the end of this marriage.

 

Considering Lexy hasn't fully embraced that label, we can not dish about it. I don't think she's the perfect spouse, but her H is no victim. None at all and he's had about a zillion chances. Time to get doing the processes that allow you to leave a marriage like this with your dignity. Long road ahead.