Hogarre Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I'm in love with a guy who lives about 5000 miles away; I was not seeking a relationship at all, and I was quite cautious as per his advances, and one might say that I was quite cold and aloof during our first month of knowing each other. And then an ex of his returned into his life (a French ex who lives even further away, might I add), so I decided to risk heartbreak and be more assertive. That was four months ago, and we're growing closer by the day. He is almost perfect, save for his flirtatious nature, a trait he acquired when one of his closest relationship ended abruptly, with his ex citing a different of three years in age as reason for the breakup. My boyfriend was crushed, and felt very insecure, so he became very flirtatious as a way to reassure himself of his desirability, I assume. That was a long while ago, and he still remains a hopeless flirt with everyone who touts a penis, even after he and I declared our relationship official. More than this, though, he has a small number of acquaintances that he makes out with intensely and regularly (although it never goes further than that due to his personal convictions regarding sex), and maintains contact with his French ex, and, from what I gather, their conversations tend to be rather rowdy. I do believe that he truly loves me and cares about me, and he warned me prior to starting our relationship that he likes to flirt. I thought I'd be okay with it, but I'm not - I'm jealous (with good reason, I think) of how he struts about like a peacock, and I am terribly insecure about his contact with his French ex. He has stated before that he flirts with so many people because he likes the attention; in an ordinary relationship, this attention would be coming from me, I guess. Could it be an inherent LDR issue? But I do not want to be controlling of him, and, since there are things that distance will not allow me to provide him, I regrettably allow the make-out sessions. I'm not sure if I should confront him on this issue, and, if I were to confront him, I have no idea how I would do it tactfully (he is rather sensitive), and without coming off as untrusting or needy. I believe that he needs to get over the emotional trauma his ex imposed upon him when he suddenly abandoned him, but I also do not know how I can help him in that respect. All I want is for him to be happy, but a selfish side of me wants him to be mine and mine alone, instead of flirting with every Tom, Dick and Harry under the sun. I don't think it's an unreasonable request, but...I don't know. I'm sorry for rambling on like a fool, but if anyone could please help me understand what to do and how to feel about this, I'd be greatly obliged --Hogarre
blugirl Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 WHA....... he 'makes out' with 'several ppl' and you're fine with it???? O_O what the world has come to.... I'll never understand it.
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