LSgirl Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I've been dating my bf for almost 8 months (he's 27, me 25) and before me he was engaged with his ex of 8 years. We met months after their break-up (very short time I know), long story short, she cheated and he moved on although the beginning with us was a bit rocky bc I could still see he was in pain. After about the 3rd month things were smoother and still great as of today. However, we haven't said 'i love you' because he has said on different occasions that most people just throw it around and that he has been hurt by too many people in his past (mostly his ex-fiance and mother). When we're together, he's very affectionate, we're intellectually and physically attracted to each other, but what's lacking is the emotional intimacy. I'm not really used to a guy not being very verbal about his feelings. He's not the type to talk about his feelings, he's a very simple, straight-forward, humanitarian, and loyal guy. I truly admire and respect him, but I just can't force emotional intimacy from him, he may just not be the type. Perhaps, my exes were a bit immature to throw around i love yous and make future plans so soon, so this relationship progress is new to me. I don't want to ask him "so where do i stand?" lol I know that we're exclusive and we hang out 3-4 times a week, keep in touch throughout the day and it feels like our relationship is healthy (first time I've tried hard not to be clingy and it feels great haha but I am the anxious/worried type) I understand that with him and his past I'll have to take things slow, but whenever he talks about his future, he doesn't say "we". Maybe he can't make that kind of verbal commitment? His dreams are to travel around the world, he wants to buy a boat and sail around. Just last night he said that within a year or two he plans to leave here after he can afford a boat. He mentions that one day he would like to get married and have kids (didn't mention it'd be with me lol) it's just so strange to me. I'm not asking to be married, but is it too much to ask that I be included in some sort of future? He also jokingly said last night what my mother would think of him...(Im not that close to my mom so I never introduced them) Once in awhile he'll say he would love to show me his hometown (another state) What do you guys think? I know that I am very special to him, he has said that and how I have helped him come a lot way from where he was at, he wants to call me and see me a lot, but where is the love? Should I be more patient? Sometimes I think it's better to have a guy that SHOWS he cares about you then a guy who throws around those three words but actions show otherwise. I feel like if I told him I loved him, I'd scare him away since I know he's not on the same level. I want to take things slow but at the same time I feel impatient...
dizy Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 "I'm not really used to a guy not being very verbal about his feelings. He's not the type to talk about his feelings, he's a very simple, straight-forward, humanitarian, and loyal guy. " as far as I am concerned, I would say that 98% of the male specie is not very verbal and hate saying "I love you" once per day =\ There is no point to say out loud "I love you" or to have plans for future when you guys are mutually (physically and intellectually) attracted to each other. I understand it's frustrating to not feel included and insecure about his lack of "verbal commitment" but what would you prefer? a guy who makes billions of promises including having kids, houses, cars with you or a guy who is more realistic? You are dating since 8 months only. I wouldn't make any promise or future plan with someone that I dated for this long even though I had a really bad relationship of 2 years only. Imagine your bf who had a relationship of 8 years and ended up realizing that his ex cheating on him. Wouldn't you take the time to think twice before committing yourself emotionally? I feel like he's with you because like you said, you two have amazing connections together, but I wouldn't rush things if I were you because wounds take a long time to heal, and if you really love him, you should give him time and support. gluck =)
Finch Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I think that when you are very much in love with someone you want to verbalize it, but that's just me. Some people have a harder time with that, and some people just want to hold off until they are more comfortable and "ready". Under a year may be a little too early to be getting too worried. However, it's difficult to be in a relationship and not be able to express how you feel about the other person for fear of scaring them off. Only you can decide how important it is to be with someone who is comfortable telling you that he loves you. And only you can decide how long you want to wait for that. I wouldn't recommend ending what, in all other respects, is a good relationship simply because he doesn't say "I love you". But, on the other hand, I do believe that after a certain amount of time it is reasonable to expect that you will be discussing a future together. Is 8 months that amount of time? I would say no. 8 months, even a year, is too early for some people to think about long-term plans with their boyfriend/girlfriend. If the two of you had been together for 3 years and he was still reluctant to say that he loves you or to include you in any plans for the future, then you might want to reevaluate your relationship.
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