musemaj11 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Everyone I date makes more money than I do. No one can "buy me" though some have tried. You cannot buy something you already bought.
ccfan Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 (edited) I don't have money issues and I don't pay attention at all at the economical situation of women. However, I can identify gold digging quite well and I have also seen gold digging in women that earn good money. However, I worry about differences in background that are related to family of origin. I am not talking about money. I am mostly talking about family culture that is passed from generation to generation. I have also seen gold digging men that want women to work hard 24/7 so they can have a better status as a couple. Could not agree more on the bolded statements... actually my recent ex -that even a year after the BU has me still devastated- came from a different and not so admirable family culture... hence she hurt me over and over againg with the way she dressed, the way she shamelessly interacted with other man and so and so on, she was convinced it was alright to act like that... so i can only relate to this and agree big time. Sad part i'm still not over her as i ignored so many red flags until the damage was done. Anyway, like you, i can spot a gold digger a mile away, that plus i dont consider myself rich, my family is so it's not like i'm driving a Maserati or something, it helps to flight under the radar.. or at least i has worked for me better that way As for the OP only time will tell if this will stand the test of time, i hope it does. Edited August 16, 2011 by ccfan
Author bikinibeach Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 nice to see a few of my 'coping' buddies over here for the record, NO this isn't the rebound guy who was moving soon lol he started playing games with me and i told him to hit the road. NO i didn't know his $$$ situation until later. also, he doesn't just sit around, he spends his time giving back in a meaningful way and touches peoples lives. yes, actually he was a little worried about how his very religious and very traditionally cultured family would react but so far so good. i am treading with caution, not taking anything for granted or assuming and keeping my problems to myself for now because frankly, it's noone's job to fix them and really, they are kind of embarassing. also, i am not destitute or anything. i live somewhat comfortably and well. just in debt. thanks for the advice! any further suggestions welcome
Pierre Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 nice to see a few of my 'coping' buddies over here for the record, NO this isn't the rebound guy who was moving soon lol he started playing games with me and i told him to hit the road. NO i didn't know his $$$ situation until later. also, he doesn't just sit around, he spends his time giving back in a meaningful way and touches peoples lives. yes, actually he was a little worried about how his very religious and very traditionally cultured family would react but so far so good. i am treading with caution, not taking anything for granted or assuming and keeping my problems to myself for now because frankly, it's noone's job to fix them and really, they are kind of embarassing. also, i am not destitute or anything. i live somewhat comfortably and well. just in debt. thanks for the advice! any further suggestions welcome I was married to a woman from a blue collar background. I come from a white collar background. Money was never an issue, not at all. But in the end her FOO and inherited family traits destroyed the marriage even though she was not a gold digger. Very similar to the poster above CCFAN. So in the end compatibility is not so much about money, but about other traits that are not related to money. BTW, I am not implying that blue collar is bad.
thatone Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 pierre is correct. i can sympathize, from his point of view. i'm not warren buffett but i typically make anywhere from 5-8x what my dates make. i make about 5x what my current gf makes. i don't judge people based on whether they have or have not. i do judge people if they are so set in their social/financial caste that they can't associate with people outside of it due to arrogance or fear (or both). my personal opinion of money, and what i told my gf about it, is that money is simply a means of doing the things you want to do. that's it. once you have the things you want and do the things you want, it's fairly worthless, just paper. he isn't judging you for lack of money, so don't judge him for having money. just pretend it isn't there. rightfield is correct too, for all of the problems that money solves, it creates more. honestly, the easiest thing in the world to do is go to work 8 to 5, spend 3/4 of every paycheck, and save the rest. it's easy to have goals that you won't likely attain. when you have goals that you can and do attain, money wise, it's a lot more complicated because decisions have more consequences.
carhill Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 what do i do (or not do)?? Take your time and continue dating him. What happens happens. Focus on relationship compatibility. Be proud of who you are. Accept the results. Good luck.
CatNtheHat Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 i'm dating the son of an oil tycoon. he's in his late 20's and has access to wealth that had been defined as 'unllimited'...!!! me on the other hand, while i am classy, sophisticated, educated, beautiful, stylish, funny etc.......i am also the brokest joke going at the moment. i have an old car that everyone makes fun of me for. i'm heavily in debt and my student loans just went to collections..!!! the other day, he wanted my advice on some pieces for his home. mind you, he is down to earth, philanthropic, spiritual, kind, sweet, funny....a downright modern day prince! he's not flashy but over the course of the day, we ended up spending the amount that would get me out on debt on trinkets for his house....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i fell madly in love with him before i had any idea about his financial situation. by the way, he doesn't even work and will never have to... i don't know what to do. i feel frustrated. he even expressed that in his last relationship, him and his gf took turns paying (!!!!) i know he's been used in the past and it would KILL me for him to think this of me in any way. i rather stay poor than risk hurting him. however, he has alot of friends who are couch surfing, a lot of causes he supports, there are people in need all around him. he can't help everyone! i don't know what to do. i am having some medical issues that i can't afford. if i had a normal boyfriend, i would tell him this but i feel i can't tell this to him because of how it would seem. is this relationship doomed? or a match made in heaven? what do i do (or not do)?? thanks I don't think you should voluntarily tell him your financial status. I would wait until he asks or something comes about that you have to tell him. And having money or not having money doesn't have to break a relationship up. My bf does well financially and I first thought he wouldn't like me because I'm don't do nearly as well as he does. But I was wrong. And dating a guy with money sure beats dating a guy that doesn't. Just my opinion.
MrNate Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 i'm dating the son of an oil tycoon. he's in his late 20's and has access to wealth that had been defined as 'unllimited'...!!! me on the other hand, while i am classy, sophisticated, educated, beautiful, stylish, funny etc.......i am also the brokest joke going at the moment. i have an old car that everyone makes fun of me for. i'm heavily in debt and my student loans just went to collections..!!! the other day, he wanted my advice on some pieces for his home. mind you, he is down to earth, philanthropic, spiritual, kind, sweet, funny....a downright modern day prince! he's not flashy but over the course of the day, we ended up spending the amount that would get me out on debt on trinkets for his house....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i fell madly in love with him before i had any idea about his financial situation. by the way, he doesn't even work and will never have to... i don't know what to do. i feel frustrated. he even expressed that in his last relationship, him and his gf took turns paying (!!!!) i know he's been used in the past and it would KILL me for him to think this of me in any way. i rather stay poor than risk hurting him. however, he has alot of friends who are couch surfing, a lot of causes he supports, there are people in need all around him. he can't help everyone! i don't know what to do. i am having some medical issues that i can't afford. if i had a normal boyfriend, i would tell him this but i feel i can't tell this to him because of how it would seem. is this relationship doomed? or a match made in heaven? what do i do (or not do)?? thanks I see a very deep green color in your eyes.
Pierre Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 And dating a guy with money sure beats dating a guy that doesn't. Just my opinion. Hmm. Women say all day long they are not gold diggers, but IMHO they would rather date men with money. I don't think it is wrong because women are naturally attracted to intelligence and power.
CatNtheHat Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Hmm. Women say all day long they are not gold diggers, but IMHO they would rather date men with money. I don't think it is wrong because women are naturally attracted to intelligence and power. I'm just being honest. We go to nice places and live in a beautiful apartment. I would not be able to afford this on my own or with a guy that makes a mediocre salary. I love him for who he is and I liked him well, BEFORE I knew his financial situation.
musemaj11 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Hmm. Women say all day long they are not gold diggers, but IMHO they would rather date men with money. I don't think it is wrong because women are naturally attracted to intelligence and power. To be fair we all want a shortcut to a comfortable life if given the opportunity. Its just that it is easier to do this as a woman than as a man. Interviewer: What is the quickest way to be wealthy? Man: Go to law school, become a lawyer, and work hard. Woman: Mmm, marry a lawyer?
CatNtheHat Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 To be fair we all want a shortcut to a comfortable life if given the opportunity. Its just that it is easier to do this as a woman than as a man. I didn't go looking for a man with a great income.
musemaj11 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I didn't go looking for a man with a great income. I didnt say you did.
CatNtheHat Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I didnt say you did. Well I think to make a comment like you did, is a little unfair. There are many women that work hard to get a career that pays well. Its not only men.
musemaj11 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Well I think to make a comment like you did, is a little unfair. There are many women that work hard to get a career that pays well. Its not only men. I merely said its easier for women to get a shortcut to a comfortable life through marriage than it is for men because generally women dont want to marry a man who is far less wealthy than themselves.
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