How do you deal with NC when you are meeting your ex on a regular basis?

[Serious_about_her]

This post is a reply to a previous thread on my personal breakup. Full story here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t286877/

 

Briefly: My ex broke up with me in the end of January while I was studying abroad. No to very limited contact from her part until I got home in June and met up with her. She is together with another guy since. I believe I still have feelings for her. We are in NC since June.

 

 

Here is the post:

 

NC is certainly good to let the feelings cool down. This summer has really helped me heal, but now things are going to change. I'm moving back to my university town, where I'll have to confront her in everything: We study together, we hang out with the same friends, we have the same extra-curricular activity... I even ended up with an apartment 2 minutes, walking dist., from hers, which means I'll probably see her at the bus stop! Or still, we might leave uni at the same time and end up going heading towards our mutual homes at the same time! I'm guessing half of those times she'll be walking home with her new bf as well...

 

This **** is so depressing to think about. Now it's making me more fed up than sad, though.

 

So in short, possibilities of NC are strictly limited in the very near future, and I'll probably end up seeing her almost every day. I actually even met her two days ago (with the bf of course) when some of our mutual friends decided to meet up at a bar. When I came to the group and noticed she was there I just went "hi" to everyone, including her, and then engaged in conversations with friends. There was plenty of us, about 15 or so, and I noticed that she was making conversation, and seemed ok. After a while she came up to me, said "hi", and gave me a hug. I briefly hugged back, said hi, and then put some distance in between us as I started talking to some other friends. I had my back against her most of the night as I didn't feel like being around her and experience any awkwardness that might occur. I had a lot of fun with my friends, and she must have heard me talk and laugh (from the heart) quite a few times, as sometimes we would be standing back to back (small pub).

 

I am confusing myself now, because I really don't want to act this way. I would like to be able to talk to her with no problem. It's just hard. Do you think how I acted in the pub is noticeable and/or strange behaviour from my part?

 

I would be very interested in hearing what you think would be the best behaviour from me hereon, since I'll have to see her a lot. Is it best to avoid her, or to be friendly (in a stricly friendly way)?

It would probably be hard for me to be friendly. Especially since I don't know what to think about her. A good friend of mine (girl) that is working very closely with my ex, told me she thought my ex was kind of immature, and didn't get why she broke up with me. She also said that they never talk about me when they are together.

 

 

It's just; I don't think I can continue with NC up close. I am very easy-going, and I really love all my friends, so it would be really weird if I just ignored ONE person around me. I like to ask people how they are doing, see what's going on in their lives etc. I wasn't made to ignore people, it's not in my system.

 

I'm really looking for advice on how to deal with this.

[shortee143]

I can totally relate. My ex and I are in the same social circle, so I have seen him often during our 5 months post breakup period. It has kinda been quite a mess. He has been really insensitive to me and really hurtful. I have tried so many times to figure out how to act around him- and to keep it brief, I have come to realize it is wisest to just keep my distance as best I can if we are both in the same place. I have tried to be friends-ish, doesnt work, bc I am so hurt and angry. It is not in my nature to be cold or ignore people, but in this case, its for the best, bc I also cant be fake towards him at this point, I tried. We broke up bc he wanted to be single...yet now he has a new gf, so that is even more difficult for me to be around. So in any case, keep it brief, that way you keep convo to a minimum..if you feel it easiest in some cases to say hello, then by all means.

 

It is rly tough- there is no greater gift (in most heartbreak cases), then when you never need to see the ex. I see mine, know way more than I should, and it all hurts like hell. So, after struggling for a few months trying to figure out how to act around him, I have come to realize, less is more when it comes to talking etc.

[Serious_about_her]

I'm still looking for answers on this topic. Is this where you are supposed to go LC? I read up on this being an option in shared parenting and the like. Anyone knows of any good threads on LS on the matter?