loverboy1984 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I want to start a discussion on this topic. Its frustrating to see someone you have been with for so many years who has always been in love with you one day check out and say they fell out of love. It makes me wonder what assurance I have that this doesnt happen again with someone else. My break up has left me cynical and jaded and I feel like if someone can fall out of love with you after 6 yrs so quick, how can I trust that a new person in my life wont.
light_vader Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Hi there. You know, this is rather an exotic and interesting subject because the long philosophical answer to the question "Can I even trust myself" is rather vague, ambiguous and could lead to a good life-length argument. Having experienced what it's like to deal with a person that lost control over her mind (my granny had Alzheimer and died some years ago), I can only answer to that "Only so far". But leaving aside that and focusing on our reality as it is perceived by our senses and pretending we are healthy mentally... the answer is "The only person you can really trust is YOU". I know, it's a bummer but the sooner we realize that the better, and it's no way a stop sign to tell us we should not pursue a healthy relationship under the assumptions the other person will NOT reciprocate our love and care for the relationship. Otherwise we're doomed for a life of distrust and inability to LOVE somebody else. Just like an argument I was having with a good friend days ago, when he (a wealthy person) told me he was totally PRO pre-marital agreements. I was against it but now I think, they might not be that bad, but they are a reality. I think unless we talk about a really big important issue that was brought out of nowhere in the relationship (like you cheating on her without any previous red flags about it), people just don't "fall outta love" just like that. Which means your ex lost it a long time ago before the good bye, she just didn't have the guts and healthy mindset to letcha know before. So you don't have any assurance it won't happen again. And I know not your story so to tell whether you were relationship "dumb" to realize there were red flags in the way for you to realize "this is over". But at least in my case they were there a looooong time before she decided to cheat on me (emotionally, then she hooked up with that guy, although I'll never know if she cheated on me physically with others). It is understandable you are in a stage of distrust against the opposing sex, I know I was, but that bitterness and hatred are only unfounded on one person, your EX. Should you be willing to block LOVE for others altogether for one single person, knowing there might be thousands of other girls there willing to have a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship with you? That's your call my man. All I know is, by doing so, you're only giving your EX too much importance and stereotyping/dooming a whole genre. But then you could ask me again, OK, but what it if happens again? I can only tell you, if you decide to go on a path of self-improvement it won't guarantee "success" perceived as spending your entire life with someone, but will guarantee success as being able to take the plunge yourself next time and getting into a path of healthy relationships and courage to move on and always put yourself first. Remember that we can always get what we dream for, and our minds are powerful instruments that can take us to unlimited places and scenarios. But nobody said life was easy and wont be filled with troublesome roads. It is only those who take the best out of adversity and move on with their heads up who succeed in life. On the other hand, losers will always let themselves down even at the slightest bumps and will only be left behind wondering if life's worth the try. As for myself, I say, hell yeah. Life is totally worth it, and I embrace happiness in my life. Have a nice week!
Feelin Frisky Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Leave a recorder going in the room all night to see how you sound when you're sleeping. Snoring can get that whole falling out of love with you ball rolling.
antinko Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Vader totally rocked on that post. I liked it! I think the fact is that nothing does last forever; however, it shouldn't stop people from making the most of a relationship. I totally agree that the only person you can wholly trust is yourself.
just_scott Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 acording to articles on the net people don't really just fall out of love theirs no switch someone can turn on and off their feelings can become less usually something happens to make the feeling less intense . IF a partner breaks it off with you and gives you the ''i don't love you anymore'' speech [happend to me ] it's an excuse their trying to save you from getting hurt [but that speech hurts anyways ]it's not i just fell out of love or i don't love you anymore theirs something more to it ... maybe their wanting more than you can give , maybe they found someone else ,their direction in life changed,maybe it's lack of communication,different hobbies or interest,compatability -it's something .. if you have kids you love them right ? if the kids do something wrong you're not gonna not love them ,if your a pet lover with a dog you're gonna love your dog ,he bites you you're not gonna not still love him . AND usually it's the females who use the ''fell out of love'' or ''i don't love you anymore'' excuse acording to the internet MAYBE if you give her time and space one day she'll tell you the REAL reason why she said what she said and broke it off with you ,she could be confused with her feelings even ,it suxs but it happens ,AND no matter what you say or do is going to change their minds ,once their gone they're usually gone ,just wasn't meant to be
Feelin Frisky Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Seriously I think it happens when one partner does something that tells the other that he or she has been very wrong in his or her perceptions. Sometimes that happens in an instant where you are called to ask "who is this person really? Things can often go south after that. I had that happen when I discovered my prospective wife would turn into a three year old who just didn't understand anything I was saying. I much later put it all together that she had a fragmented personality disorder and loving her was hopeless. I couldn't know who she is because that could change by the minute.
radiodarcy Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 i don't know. but i sure wish i could learn how to fall out of love. especially since i'm still in love with an ex who never loved me
danceallday Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 You just cannot make someone love you or not love you. It is not a water faucet that turns on and off. You can never really know what another person is thinking and anything you say can be interpreted any way. You think you are saying one thing, but someone perceives it in a whole different way. Finding a true connection with someone is rare. True love is even rarer. Bitterness is only going to hurt you in the long run. You have to learn to forgive other people and yourself.
Graceful Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Love fades. Love ignites. Love changes. No emotion, especially love, is permanent. What's more, no emotion should be fixed or permanent. Nothing should ever be taken for granted. This doesn't mean you live your life in fear that the person or people you love will stop loving you by any means, but since you don't have any assurance that you won't wake up to the dreaded words, "I don't love you anymore" - it's best to live your life, appreciate the people in it that are special, treat them well, communicate, and realize that love is like an organism that grows when it's nurtured, maintained, and treated with kindness. Not to be overly dramatic here, but asking why people fall out of love is as futile as asking why a child contracts cancer and dies before s/he gets to have a life, or why a teenager has a heart attack or the "why" of any of life's mysteries. It's much more productive to realize that you can't control what someone else feels, you have to put your trust forward. Treat the people you love well, and accept that everyone in this life is not going to love you forever, they're just not. And that's okay. You're not going to love everyone forever, either, are you? When the right person comes along, they're going to love you, warts and all, but when that happens, you still should always treat that person with care, never take them for granted, and make an effort to keep that relationship special. Don't worry about love falling apart, that's not the way to view it. Be more concerned about making love grow, and realize that you have the power to do that. Six months, six years, twenty six years -- relationships fall apart. That's true. Your relationship was during a time of many transitions in your life. College, graduate programs and ultimately, a LDR. Only truly committed, very mature and devoted couples are going to make it through that timeframe of changes, and you and your ex did not have that sort of commitment, it's that simple. It's not so much that your ex fell out of love, as much as it was the matter of she needed to get out there and live, at least from her stand point, and stretch the limits. And lastly, and I hate to tell ya, but not everyone means it when they say those words in the first place. They slather those words like cheap peanut butter. So you know, actions speak louder than words. If you're not being treated well, then the words "I love you" carry absolutely no weight at all. Beware of that fake sentiment. Best wishes on your medical career. The world awaits you. Best of luck.
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Well put Graceful ! ! It's all a big game of cards !! Ha ! Ha ! People are Confused-- People are fake-- People Lie-- People change-- Mostly People are Selfish-- People are tempted-- People make bad choices-- Help me out here with my list everyone !!! People should keep their vows, keep their respect, honor something other than the me, myself, and I theory ! They also shove love down inside of themselves to move on to the next thrill. But it will resurface, probably when some one gives the hurt to them. Where are the people that Value anything any more ?? Where are the people that are in it for the long run ?? ( Sounds like a new thread I should start !) Ha Ha ! Hang in there Loverboy 1984 I believe in LOVE !
just_scott Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 i think the word ''love'' is just thrown around a-lot of times IF someone says it to you let them back it up with actions ,sometimes people your with will even say ''i love you'' cause they think it's what you want to hear ,say what you mean , mean what you say and if you belive in something then fight for it
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