Another one bites the dust....what would you have done?

[Loquacious Miss L.]

I just broke up with my boyfriend a week and a half ago. Here's the back story. Please give your honest analysis of this situation. I would really appreciate it...

 

He spent most of last week trying to get me back via text and via phone calls. He just tells me how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me. He says he's not pressuring me but I don't want to see him and I don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore which I made quite evident to him. Sometimes when I close my eyes at night little flashbacks will come back into my mind of times he was attempting to be controlling. Like one night in Vegas we got into an argument because he wondered why I never wore fitted clothes except when we were getting ready to go out. I got annoyed with something and I started taking my clothes off to not go out and he says, "Put your f-ing clothes on now. Get dressed." I'm like Whoa nelly who do you get to talk to that way? He would get really weird on me, like if he thought anything looked weird down yonder then he would get all suspicious that I had been having sex with other people. Almost every morning he would tell me he had a nightmare about me cheating on him and some mornings he would be upset with me because of it although they were just dreams. He would say he didn't have problems with me going places with my friends but if I was gone too long in his opinion he would shut me out and wouldn't talk to me. He would say, "You're gonna do what you want anyway," and have an attitude about it. There would be times that he would pop the pimples on my face and wouldn't stop doing it until I got really upset. He would point out the hairs on my face and such telling me he "just wanted me to be hot." It's things like that boys and girls that made me just have enough. So finally on Thursday night I told him, you know what? I'm miserable, you're miserable, we shouldn't talk anymore because it's just too hard. It just doesn't feel right for me to be with you and although I care about you I don't feel the same way you do anymore. There was too much pressure and I can't handle it. He told me how sorry he was he pressured me but he just loves me soooo much. He also has told me that I will regret losing a good thing, so on and so forth, and I'm like you know what? Let me find that out for myself.

 

There were just too many factors that made this a wrong situation for me. So I wonder what to do now to pick up the pieces of my own life because for so long I've been trying to pick up the pieces of his and before him Jeremiah's life. I'm a savior, people, it's what I do. But somewhere in the mix I forgot to take care of myself (hence the weight gain) let certain relationships suffer, and lost myself. I want to be happy again but when you're starting below the ground you don't know what to do. Maybe except claw your way up into the light again.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

I'll be honest, I feel kinda shmucky about how it all went down so I'm looking for affirmation. My head is cloudy right now.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

No one has any input:(?

[Casablanca]

Sounds like you did the right thing...he sounds too controlling.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Short but sweet answer. Thank you that's what I thought.

[Janesays]

I would have dumped him. *shrugs

[Loquacious Miss L.]

lol. thanks you and me both I guess.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Thank you for taking the time to answer this post. He exhibited a number of the signs you mentioned above. Glad I got out when I did.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

I think that I'm really glad I got out when I did. The last post really spooked me. He really demonstrated a lot of those signs.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Any other thoughts?

[Loquacious Miss L.]

I haven't talked to him in a number of days so I think he got the point. You've got it exactly on the head, one minute he was sobbing and begging to stay with me and the next he was pissed telling me "f it" and that "fate was going to get me." so ya that's what I dealt with. Thanks for the input.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Thanks everyone your advice and thoughts have really helped!

[Loquacious Miss L.]

That's the part that was confusing to me because while he never hit me or anything like that, there were times I did see a temper although it was not geared towards me in particular. Not previously mentioned is the fact that his last relationship ended when his ex wife had him locked up for a "one inch red mark" on her arm that she said he inflicted. So he has a domestic violence rap on his record although he claims that it was a farce and such. There's always two sides to each story. I just recall feeling trapped for the last few months and knew it was time to get out when he kept being jealous over things I had no control over. He said he wasn't jealous, just "concerned" and "cautious".

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Hopefully this sheds more light on the situation

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Anyone else have thoughts?

[Nexus One]

In my opinion you did good by breaking up. As a guy I find his behavior to be full of red flags.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Thank you. It's nice to have a male's perspective.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I don't even understand what you're questioning here. Clearly, his behavior was creepy. Nobody is going to argue that (well, except for other people who behave that way themselves.)

 

Good for you for taking care of yourself. I know it's not easy but now let go.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Wow. Is this the same guy you posted about last April? If so ... why did you stay with him? If not, why and HOW did you find another one exactly like that?

 

Now that you're free of this guy, maybe it's time to do some work on yourself around why you choose relationships like this?

[Loquacious Miss L.]

MMe. Chaucer: Yes it is the same guy. If I am to be honest I was in love with the idea of love and thought something was better than nothing. I hate admitting that. But things got too hard to bear and I thought better of it which is why I broke it off. I am working on myself as we speak so I don't make the same mistake again.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

I just wanna thank everyone for their input I am really grateful for forums such as this one:)

[John Michael Kane]

I just wanna thank everyone for their input I am really grateful for forums such as this one:)

 

Don't worry you'll be fine.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Thank you I think so too.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

And as I think about it before bed tonight, I pray for continued guidance and reflection because although I did the right thing it still hurts that I was in a relationship like that. i am so disappointed in myself for being so naive.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Very well said, that's exactly how it was insofar as his temper and outbursts were concerned. thanks for responding.