lostinlove22 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Let me say in advanced, thank you everyone who participates in this thread. A few days ago I found out that about a month into our relationship, my now exgirlfriend kissed another guy (her previous boyfriend). since then I have said me and her need to go on a break. Upon confronting them both about it I heard the same story: my girl went to the gym where she saw him and he asked her to come back to his place and hang out as friends (something she had hoped for). Things were apparently going good until he leaned in for a kiss and they locked lips for a few seconds until she pushed him away. He asked her what was wrong and she said she just made a huge mistake and proceeded to leave. I was very angered to here this and initially called out her ex to a fight. He refused and said he can see what I'm feeling and feels bad enough about the situation and then told me that she loves me more in the time me and her had been together (4 months) than she ever had in the two years they had dated and that I would be a fool not to take her back. When talking to her about what had happened she said told me that she was caught up in the moment as it was reminiscent of what she had felt in the two years with him but immediately as they began kissing she said it felt wrong, nothing like when she kisses me and immediately broke into tears knowing what she had done and left. She has txted me nonstop asking for me to take her back saying she could not go on living knowing she lost me like this and begged just to see me and has said she would delete all guys from her phone contacts and get rid of her Facebook if it means having me back. She has been out of contact with her ex since a few weeks after the event. I can honestly say for the first time on my life I was and still am in love with this girl something that i have never come close to with anyone else in twice as long dating but the sadness that I felt is something I know I could never experience again and looking back I suppose our relationship did strengthen after this happened when i was not aware of it. My only question is, is it worth taking her back and having back my possible sole mate but while risking a total heartbreak. I'm sure this is a question many of you have answered yourselves which is why I would appreciate and tips or advice? Thanks again in advanced -lost in love
Author lostinlove22 Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 Okay now if I were to take her back there's a good chance she will have the notion that she now controls me in a way considering she just got away with one of the biggest relationship crimes and honestly, to this point, I was under the impression I wore the pants and would like to keep it this way. Any tips of how I avoid looking like a complete pushover, and how would you go about taking her back (what to say, where to do so, how long before I do so, etc..) PS sorry if I sound pathetic cause I definitely feel it..
ScienceGal Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Yes. Call her. Seems silly to split over this. Make sure you tell her that you won't tolerate that ever again with him or anyone else. Forgive her. Move on. And never bring it up again. Good luck.
ScienceGal Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 You have to share the pants man. Telling someone you care about them makes you vulnerable, thats how it goes, with anyone. It's 50/50 or nothing. P.s. Her deleting all guys from her phone isn't productive... She is going to have male friends just like you're going to have female friends. It's about trusting the other person to live their normal life when you're there and when youre not. You can either trust her or you cant.
Kilty Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 She has been in tears begging you so how do you appear the pushover and not wearing the trousers ??? Letting this drag out will result in you losing her (and ps relationships should not be a game so having all the power is a lot of cack) And if you think a kiss on the lips is one of the biggest relationship crimes then think again - it sure as hell isnt. If she had let her ex pork her then you would have a point. Everyone makes mistakes and on the scale of 1-10 id say this rates around about 3 She has regretted it since she did it and and has apologised. She knows you are not happy - so why not surprise her and say to her that you are prepared to forget it ever happened - because news just in you are going to have to if you want to trust her and make the relationship work. Also since you are interested in the whole power struggle - forgiving brings more power than punishing ever did At this moment in time how relieved do you think she will be if you were to and all the grief dissapeared - and how grateful do you think she would be. Clearly if it happens again down the line or if she has previous for being "unfaithful" then things become different but giving your heart and love to someone always involves risk - thats what makes it so great. I would phone her right now and be nice to her - you know you want to. However as a proviso i would like to add if you really did love this girl then why are you having any doubts in the first place. If you are really sure you do love her and want to be with her then the answer is as above
Eddie Edirol Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Dont take her back. She didnt make a mistake, she still has feelings for her ex, and tried to explore them. That means she either isnt as into you as you are into her, or you did something to turn her off, and she went running to her ex. She needs to tell you that the kiss wasnt her fault, otherwise she has no chance of you staying with her. So you never had the pants in this relationship, and you never will as long as you stay with her. You can hold this over her head all you want, but she will resent you for it, and will never be in love with you. She is doing damage control by deleting all the men from her facebook, just in case you go there to find her messages to them.
NursingGirl Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Take her back. Don't make her delete her male friends from phone and facebook. She didn't have THOSE kinds of feelings for her ex, obviously. Call her now.
TheGrimSweeper Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Take her back but on the stipulation that if it ever happens again your gone for good and make sure she knows that.
Ginger Beer Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Let me say in advanced, thank you everyone who participates in this thread. A few days ago I found out that about a month into our relationship, my now exgirlfriend kissed another guy (her previous boyfriend). since then I have said me and her need to go on a break. Upon confronting them both about it I heard the same story: my girl went to the gym where she saw him and he asked her to come back to his place and hang out as friends (something she had hoped for). Things were apparently going good until he leaned in for a kiss and they locked lips for a few seconds until she pushed him away. He asked her what was wrong and she said she just made a huge mistake and proceeded to leave. I was very angered to here this and initially called out her ex to a fight. He refused and said he can see what I'm feeling and feels bad enough about the situation and then told me that she loves me more in the time me and her had been together (4 months) than she ever had in the two years they had dated and that I would be a fool not to take her back. When talking to her about what had happened she said told me that she was caught up in the moment as it was reminiscent of what she had felt in the two years with him but immediately as they began kissing she said it felt wrong, nothing like when she kisses me and immediately broke into tears knowing what she had done and left. She has txted me nonstop asking for me to take her back saying she could not go on living knowing she lost me like this and begged just to see me and has said she would delete all guys from her phone contacts and get rid of her Facebook if it means having me back. She has been out of contact with her ex since a few weeks after the event. I can honestly say for the first time on my life I was and still am in love with this girl something that i have never come close to with anyone else in twice as long dating but the sadness that I felt is something I know I could never experience again and looking back I suppose our relationship did strengthen after this happened when i was not aware of it. My only question is, is it worth taking her back and having back my possible sole mate but while risking a total heartbreak. I'm sure this is a question many of you have answered yourselves which is why I would appreciate and tips or advice? Thanks again in advanced -lost in love Haha, what a dickhead.
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