just_some_guy Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 My divorce has been final for some months now and I've been separated for about 1.5 years. Little business remains between my ex and I, just some copies of paperwork to exchange. Mostly, we've been getting along, but she tends to do irrational things so it is a roller coaster, like it always was. She sent a small but nice gift for my birthday, belatedly, since she hated me on my birthday some weeks ago, then decided she doesn't hate me in the mean time. No gift from her though, ever comes without strings attached. So the gift required signature from the delivery, so I signed. Tracking is online these days, so she had to start pestering me for contact, "to see how I liked it." It was an excuse though, to demand to know whether I was dating. Honesty is the best policy, so I answered that I was. The response was not shall we say, "supportive." I got some odd texts the rest of the afternoon, then later a voicemail that I didn't hear until the next day. The VM sounded alarming to me, though not with an explicit threat, I felt that she may have been considering harming herself again. She didn't make explicit threats last time either. So, I dug up what email addresses I could find for her family and asked them to check on her. Eventually, someone did reach her and she's OK. I had previously agreed to talk with her on Sunday, but got busy (multi-hour timezone difference) and it was getting late. So I offered to reschedule in a few days. Got some nasty texts in response. She hates me again. Oh well. I can let go of all that, turn her over to the care of her family and let it all be whatever it will be. In the mean time, I have been dating. Mostly just meeting for coffee or the like, mostly not going beyond that. A few did go a couple of dates. Had one that I felt very strongly for, but it just didn't turn into a romantic relationship, though we gave it a shot. That's OK too and I'm happy to have her as a dear, dear friend. But I did recently meet someone that I really do click with. We've spent a lot of time together and there's a strong shared attraction. It is early in the infatuation stage, but we do share a lot of common values and experiences. We shall see where things go, in their own way and in their own time. There's some light at the end of the tunnel.
carson2002 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Nice to see someone on here moving forward, hopefully we'll all get to where you are now, keep going and good luck with your new relationship
andyg99 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 It was an excuse though, to demand to know whether I was dating. Honesty is the best policy, so I answered that I was. The response was not shall we say, "supportive." . NO! honesty is the best policy of course but there is nothing wrong with saying 'sorry, I won't talk about my personal life with you'... you are divorced now, it seems like your ex is not stable or at least has not fully accepted the fact that you are no longer a couple. You need to make it a clean break, you have moved on and are dating, that's fine. She needs to know that there is no more "you and her". If you still have to be in contact with her because of children then make it only about the kids... All of this just my humble opinion of course!
RebuiltNJ Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Wow! I know that roller coaster well. I am envious of a few things in your situation, multihour timezones difference being one of them. I have 20 miles distance between us, but we have children together. I know the irrationality all too well. She can date, but the minute I speak to another woman and she becomes aware the calls and texts start. She breaks off her relationship and wants to reconcile. Literally this happens if I speak too much of a colleague or share stories about a friendly new neighbor. Stay the course friend. It is not your problem anymore though I know it is hard to just shrug off the threats. You did the right thing in alerting the family. Good luck and all the best to you in your new life. A lot of people need these stories to know it gets better with time because it most certainly does!
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