Will he realise what he's lost? any way i can get him to come to his senses??

[lady_jadie]

Hi everyone

 

my story is quite long, i did write another post telling most of it but basically the point of this one is that i'm feeling really confused, alone and my head is a mess.

 

My boyfriend and I had a really good relationship. He said I was his 'dream girl', that he wanted to marry me and he's never felt that way about a girl before. He said I would be the mother of his children. He's 31 and I was his longest relationship (2 years). We lived together and he got a chinchilla, Lionel, as a surprise for me. I took care of him and he took care of me. Then about a year into our relationship, for a number of reasons, I spiralled into depression. This mainly took the form of me being angry about girls from his past and this caused a lot of arguments because anytime he mentioned anything about it I would feel sick to my stomach and react badly. so one day six weeks ago he suggested i dye my hair a 'normal' colour, something that i now see he probably didn't mean in any bad way, but i reacted badly. We broke up and I moved out. I didn't contact him for 12 days and then got a call from him saying Lionel wanted to see me and would I come over. I did and he showed me some games he thought I'd like, on the playstation, we played with the chinchilla, and he said Lionel had really missed me. At that time he was living with our flatmate Fraser. Anyway another couple of weeks passed and he kept bumping into my best friend, who lives next door, and saying how much he missed me, that he still loved and cared about me, and i was his best friend. And asking how i was, and what i'd been up to. On Fraser's last night before he moved out to france they both got really drunk and i was at my best friend's house and we ended up at their house, where fraser decided to admit he'd had a massive crush on me for two years. I don't know how my ex took this, all i know is that he was really really drunk and i was a bit tipsy. we seemed to be getting on ok and so I suggested we gave it another go, that what we had was too special to let my illness ruin, at which point he got really angry, started crying and said he couldn't go back to all the arguing. I tried to explain that I'd been working really hard to help myself, started a new therapy, but he is the type that when he argues, will not hear anything from anyone else, and someone making a valid point that goes against his just makes him more annoyed and determined to be right. He said he still loved me, missed me sorely, and fancied me like crazy, whilst crying. but again he said he'd never go back to the arguing. He just would not hear me telling him it wouldn't be like that, that we could have all he loved about me but I would never go on about his past again. (the only thing wrong in our life)

So obviously I was devastated, but didn't show him that. since then the last three/four weeks he hasn't contacted me, but I've been next door at my friend's and he will always come out and ask if i want to see lionel. he offers to make me cups of tea, asks how i am, makes smalltalk. Before fraser (the flatmate) moved to france he said my ex had been walking around the house holding his phone, saying he wanted to call me but didn't know what to say. so to my face he is now a bit awkward, but when he bumps into my friend or her mum, he asks about me, says he thinks college will be really good for me, talks about me. the last time they met he said, 'in the future, who knows...?'

He also had a photo of us up on the mantlepiece up until a week ago, i noticed it was gone last thursday but he's had three strangers move in so i don't know if he's just embarrassed to have it up because of them. he still has notes i left him and a picture i drew of us on the wall. he always says how much Lionel has missed me and thanks me for coming to see Lionel, and I'm welcome whenever. The other day when I was leaving my friends house and saw in the reflection of a window that he was standing at his front door, looking at me. when i was out of sight i heard him close the door. He didn't see I saw that.

I just don't know what to think or say or do. He seems to open up more to my and his friends than to me. I know he is proud and stubborn and would hate to make a u-turn on what he said to me when he was drunk. I know he isn't seeing or interested in other girls. Should I just bide my time, as I have been doing, trying to move on? I just can't believe the door is closed forever. especially when I hear what he's said to other people. Or is there any way I can get him to come to his senses and see that the ONE thing that was bad in our relationship, can and will change as i work my way through all the therapies i'm doing?

I almost bought that Jemima Fox Win Him Back reverse psychology guide for $40, but I'm a sceptic by nature....

 

 

Helllllp:sick:please!

 

Jadie xx

[horizzon]

I would suggest trying to move on. Silence is the best message you can give. Words don't do anything. Let him gather his thoughts, and who knows. Maybe a few months down the road he will explode from keeping this all in and come crawling back.

[Nohbody]

What a monolith.

 

Is there anything you can do? No.

Will he realize what he's lost? Maybe.

 

Follow Caliguy's advice.

[just_scott]

hmm in time he might think back and kick himself ya just never know

BUT don't put your life on hold waitting and hopping that day will come

[giuliano-3]

hmm in time he might think back and kick himself ya just never know

BUT don't put your life on hold waitting and hopping that day will come

 

...always wanted a reason to hit that button