No end in sight?

[HeavenOrHell]

How do you cope with no end in sight, when it could take years, or possibly never, to close the distance? In the space of a few days, me and my partner have gone from thinking/hoping we'd be together next year, and looking forward to it, to having that fall through, through no fault of our own, just circumstances (mostly financial), to now trying to decide if we can handle continuing if there's no end in sight.

Neither if us know if we can handle it, but how the hell do you walk away when you're both in love?

Do we just try and make the best of what we've got (we meet every other month, but could possibly meet every 6 weeks, as long as we can afford it), because splitting is worse than what we have now?

A friend said to me why throw away the jewels just because you can't have the crown, which is I agree with, but I just don't know if we can cope with missing each other indefinitely.

My partner's not saying it will never happen but just doesn't know when it will be now because of his job situation, we'd pinned too much hope on his being able to transfer his job to my country and it's fallen through, found out last week We're both gutted. Realistically his job situation might not improve and it might never happen.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ah, I'm really sorry HOH, I undestand how bad this must feel.

 

If you can both meet every 6 weeks, then I think it's worth sticking with, because you never know, you may both be able to be together eventually.

 

Maybe the pain of not seeing each other for each of those 6 weeks could get less and more easier to deal with over time.

 

I think you should both give it your best.

Edited August 15, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[CHSH]

Awwe, sorry to hear that HoH. D:

I'm afraid I can't give any (good) advice as such since I haven't experienced nor knew anyone who's experienced this situation.

I do agree with Ross however.

I hope your situation works out. -hugs-

[HeavenOrHell]

Thanks both of you. I'm a lot luckier than many people in LDR's as we can meet every 8 weeks or so, I don't think I could do it if we saw each other every 6 months or so, I guess some people deal with it better than others, and some people wouldn't be able to handle an LDR at all.

[CHSH]

I think it really does depend on the person and the situation. SO and I are only able to see each other once a year (for about 1 month-3 months), although next year would be better since he'll be coming here for 2 months and then I'll be going there for 1 year on working holiday- huzzah!

 

Really, the main thing that gets me through is talking about our future together which was why I said I wouldn't be able to give any good advice regarding this. D:

 

In the back of my mind, I do think, "What if it doesn't go as planned??" but I try not to let myself go down that road and just keep believing that we'll be together.

 

So, I'm not saying ignore the possibility that you can never end the LD, just keep on focusing on the probability that you will end up together someday.

 

As they say, if there's a will, there's a way!!

 

Much love.

[madjac74]

Neither if us know if we can handle it, but how the hell do you walk away when you're both in love?

 

I can tell you that I certainly understand how you feel. My SO and I are leaning toward the possibility that we likely will never be together even though we are so perfect for each other and we both want and deserve it. It is so frustrating.

 

We are currently in limbo on our relationship and not really officially bf/gf anymore yet we still talk nearly all day. We literally texted each other from 10 am to 10 pm and I took my kids to the zoo and they were telling me to take pics to send to her. It was so sad that she just wasnt physically there but it made my day that I had her to share everything with and my kids were including her in our day. How can I give that up? It's so rare to find someone like that in life. I've met new people and gone on dates amidst some of our breakups and I really just feel like she is the one and there isn't anyone else that can hold my interest.

 

HOH, at times I feel like I should let her go so she can find something there and be happy but I keep fighting because I know she would be happiest with me. I know I wasnt helpful at all but just wanted you to know that I completely feel the frustration of your situation

[Kamille]

I'm also in a LDR with no end in sight and all I can say is: yes it's hard. So I have no advice to offer, just support and a hug ((Heaven or Hell)). Bf and I just went through the same moment of feeling discouraged and uncertain. We were able to talk about this in person, which helped us rekindle our bond a lot. So, my only suggestion is: don't rush any decisions until you've had time to see each other.

[HeavenOrHell]

Many thanks for your reply, it does help to know that others are in the same boat, not that I want anyone to feel this way

I'm trying to learn to live for the moment and not worry what the future holds, so hard though.

Not a great place to be is it, finding it hard being apart from them with the possibility it might never change, or leaving them. I know we'd have a close f/ship if we split up, like I do with my ex, but it's not the same thing at all.

I agree it is rare to find someone like that.

How do you let go if you've got something special, but how do you deal with missing them if you stay together

Do you two still meet up, how often?

I'm seeing my partner in about 4 weeks, going to talk more about things then.

It upsets me when others imply that a couple doesn't love each other enough to move or to give up major things in their lives, it's not that simple, circumstance mean it's not always possible to move, it's nothing to do with feelings not being strong enough.

For now, I want to give it my best shot, and hope he does too, take the positives from it and leave the rest behind. Time will tell whether we can deal with it or not.

You were helpful, thank you Wish you all the best

 

 

I can tell you that I certainly understand how you feel. My SO and I are leaning toward the possibility that we likely will never be together even though we are so perfect for each other and we both want and deserve it. It is so frustrating.

 

We are currently in limbo on our relationship and not really officially bf/gf anymore yet we still talk nearly all day. We literally texted each other from 10 am to 10 pm and I took my kids to the zoo and they were telling me to take pics to send to her. It was so sad that she just wasnt physically there but it made my day that I had her to share everything with and my kids were including her in our day. How can I give that up? It's so rare to find someone like that in life. I've met new people and gone on dates amidst some of our breakups and I really just feel like she is the one and there isn't anyone else that can hold my interest.

 

HOH, at times I feel like I should let her go so she can find something there and be happy but I keep fighting because I know she would be happiest with me. I know I wasnt helpful at all but just wanted you to know that I completely feel the frustration of your situation

[HeavenOrHell]

Many thanks for your reply

Talking/thinking about the future is what helped me cope with us, but now that's possibly gone, I don't know. But yes I need to try to be positive about the future.

Poor you hardly ever seeing your SO

But it's great you have plans to see him for 2 months and then a year! Wonderful!

Much love back

 

 

I think it really does depend on the person and the situation. SO and I are only able to see each other once a year (for about 1 month-3 months), although next year would be better since he'll be coming here for 2 months and then I'll be going there for 1 year on working holiday- huzzah!

 

Really, the main thing that gets me through is talking about our future together which was why I said I wouldn't be able to give any good advice regarding this. D:

 

In the back of my mind, I do think, "What if it doesn't go as planned??" but I try not to let myself go down that road and just keep believing that we'll be together.

 

So, I'm not saying ignore the possibility that you can never end the LD, just keep on focusing on the probability that you will end up together someday.

 

As they say, if there's a will, there's a way!!

 

Much love.

[HeavenOrHell]

Thanks Kamille I saw your thread but haven't felt able to write anything positive because of how I've been feeling. So glad you are working things through, wishing you all the best with it.

We're meeting in about a month, we meet about every 2 months, so we'll talk more then, although I said I didnt want to meet if we were just going to split, he said he doesn't want that.

Although I'm trying to be positive for us both as he's sounding unsure How he feels is partly based on the fact he knows I've found the distance hard lately, so he said it influences how he feels about things, and he's also finding the distance hard knowing it could take years, if ever, to be together, he's not saying 'never', just we don't know when. He said he was glad I didn't say let's call it a day after his job transfer fell through last week.

If I give it my best shot, I hope that will help him to too.

(((hugs))) back to you.

 

I'm also in a LDR with no end in sight and all I can say is: yes it's hard. So I have no advice to offer, just support and a hug ((Heaven or Hell)). Bf and I just went through the same moment of feeling discouraged and uncertain. We were able to talk about this in person, which helped us rekindle our bond a lot. So, my only suggestion is: don't rush any decisions until you've had time to see each other.

[LittleTiger]

I'm so sorry thing haven't worked out as you hoped HOH, but you can't give up. You two obviously love one other and who knows what the future may bring?

 

I would have a good talk next time you're together about how you can make things as easy as possible for both of you. Make sure you're both completely open and honest about what you need to stay strong and agree between you how you're going to face up to the challenge.

 

This is just another stage in your relationship. It certainly doesn't have to be the end. You both need to make some small adjustments to your thinking and maybe to the way you work things and then see how it goes.

 

You will know in your heart when you've reached the absolute end and I'd be willing to bet that neither of you feels you're anywhere near that point yet.

[Kamille]

I'm trying to learn to live for the moment and not worry what the future holds, so hard though.

Not a great place to be is it, finding it hard being apart from them with the possibility it might never change, or leaving them. I know we'd have a close f/ship if we split up, like I do with my ex, but it's not the same thing at all.

I agree it is rare to find someone like that.

How do you let go if you've got something special, but how do you deal with missing them if you stay together

Do you two still meet up, how often?

I'm seeing my partner in about 4 weeks, going to talk more about things then.

It upsets me when others imply that a couple doesn't love each other enough to move or to give up major things in their lives, it's not that simple, circumstance mean it's not always possible to move, it's nothing to do with feelings not being strong enough.

For now, I want to give it my best shot, and hope he does too, take the positives from it and leave the rest behind. Time will tell whether we can deal with it or not.

You were helpful, thank you Wish you all the best

 

You nearly made me cry HOH. All I know is that I could never let bf go. And yet, I could never make the decision to give up what I have here and move closer to him. And I think that's unfair of me. I'm leaving him in charge of deciding whether or not he can live with an LDR. All I know is that I love him. I could survive without him and respect his choice if he decided this wasn't for him, but I'm never going to be the one to end it.

 

I feel like from what little I know of your relationship, the positions are reversed. Your bf is the one who knows he wants to be with you and you're the one who is questioning wether the distance is something you both can endure for the long term.

 

One question: is there really absolutely no hope of you two ever ending up in the same place?

[HeavenOrHell]

Aw..

I feel he would let me go if I were struggling too much, just because he couldn't bear to see me unhappy, but not something he could do easily.

It would tear me up to walk away, but like you; I can't give up what I have here, I know it wouldn't be the right thing to do, that I'd be unhappy and things wouldn't work out for us for that reason, I'd only have him if I move there, if he moved here he'd have a few things already in place, our circumstances are very different and we've always agreed he had less to give up and he'd be the one to move, but it's out of his hands for the foreseeable.

I said to him; are you saying you might never be able to move, and he said no, it will happen but it won't be a year or two like we wanted, it could take years.

But realistically it could be never, if he's holding out for his company to be able to afford to transfer him at a later date, it might never happen if things don't improve financially with his company, his job is safe where he is now, I totally understand him not feeling able to give up his job security. Maybe if the job market ever improves he might feel able to look for a different job in this country, it's all uncertain though. No guarantees.

Yes it's always been me struggling most with the distance, he's usually more focussed on the positives, he's not questioned wanting to be with me or worrying too much about it until his job transfer fell through. He's also done the LDR thing before and they did end the distance and were together 11 years, they didn't meet up for a year once, he said he wouldn't want to do that now though, but that you keep going if you love that person and know that you'll be together at the end of it.

Problem is I said to him recently I am struggling with the distance and ideally would like to close the distance by winter next year and then it was a no, we can't do it, from his manager re moving his job, so he's worried I can't deal with there being no end in sight, combined with him feel deflated about the no go with his job and finding the distance hard himself knowing it could take years now.

Now it's me trying to be positive and he's the one sounding unsure

 

 

 

You nearly made me cry HOH. All I know is that I could never let bf go. And yet, I could never make the decision to give up what I have here and move closer to him. And I think that's unfair of me. I'm leaving him in charge of deciding whether or not he can live with an LDR. All I know is that I love him. I could survive without him and respect his choice if he decided this wasn't for him, but I'm never going to be the one to end it.

 

I feel like from what little I know of your relationship, the positions are reversed. Your bf is the one who knows he wants to be with you and you're the one who is questioning wether the distance is something you both can endure for the long term.

 

One question: is there really absolutely no hope of you two ever ending up in the same place?

[Erwin2475]

My ex broke up with me because she wanted to 'let me go' and not wait indefinitely for her. Absolutely shattered my heart. Been over 3 months now. We were LDR for over a year and was the best times of my life. But - in the end that was her decision. I'm still healing. We're talking now (on MS), but more like friends while both are a bit conscious not to veer into the past. It's really tough. I miss her so much. I don't know if she feels the same at all. She got together with another guy a few weeks after we split, but they lasted little over a month. Now we're talking again after 2 months of no contact, and I'm just being supportive, encouraging her dreams, and hoping she's happy in whatever she does. But it hurts like hell inside.

[blugirl]

Me and my SO are currently in a hopeless situation with no end in sight too but I just wouldn't be able to let go. No matter how many years would I have to wait. I just wouldn't....

[HeavenOrHell]

What if there's a the possibility you might never close the distance? Could you do this the rest of your life?

 

 

Me and my SO are currently in a hopeless situation with no end in sight too but I just wouldn't be able to let go. No matter how many years would I have to wait. I just wouldn't....

[HeavenOrHell]

So sorry you are going through this Do you think, realistically it was the best thing to do? Was there no end in sight for you two? How long could you have coped with the distance for?

Did you want to stay with her even if it was difficult?

I'll have a look at your thread later today.

 

My ex broke up with me because she wanted to 'let me go' and not wait indefinitely for her. Absolutely shattered my heart. Been over 3 months now. We were LDR for over a year and was the best times of my life. But - in the end that was her decision. I'm still healing. We're talking now (on MS), but more like friends while both are a bit conscious not to veer into the past. It's really tough. I miss her so much. I don't know if she feels the same at all. She got together with another guy a few weeks after we split, but they lasted little over a month. Now we're talking again after 2 months of no contact, and I'm just being supportive, encouraging her dreams, and hoping she's happy in whatever she does. But it hurts like hell inside.

[blugirl]

What if there's a the possibility you might never close the distance? Could you do this the rest of your life?

I don't know, it's such a hard question >< I just can't imagine that I would have to let go and for the rest of my life live with consciousness that I am here and somewhere there is my soulmate, torn apart.... that sounds like a worst nightmare of my life...

Not to mention that I wouldnt be able to engage in any relationship, knowing that my heart is somewhere else, I wouldnt like to lie to anyone and keep them with me, not even loving them...