JamesMay Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Hey, My ex and i were together for four years (since high school). We were youthfriends, our parents are good friends, her sister is a good friend of mine too. I've known all of them since i was a kid. We broke up a year ago in mutual agreement. She spent half of that time abroad. I wasn't over her, neither was she i think (she still had a huge poster of us in her bedroom), and i confronted her with my feelings when she got back. She cried loads while she's normally very, very collected. Three months on I discover she's having a fling, not even something serious, with a guy i'm in a band with and who was flirting with her even when we were together. People had warned me about it even when we were together, but even more after that. I am so angry about this. They both hid it for me and denied until they had to face favts when i saw them together. She called me the day after ( probably because her sister insisted she would) but I told her she was a flirtatious destructive girl and never wanted to have anything to do with her. She knew very well, even when we were together, i didn't trust the guy.
Renard99 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I think you have two choices here....... Either accept that they are together and not let her have an affect on your life. I.e, continue doing all of the things that you want to do, like playing in the band and hanging with your frineds....... Or, you cut everything and everyone else loose. Start a new band with new people, try and find new friends or new activities. Both are tough. I tried to go half and half but it hasn't done me much good. My ex and I share an identical taste in music and both of us love going to gigs. I've continued to go to gigs but so has she so I always see her at them. It hurts but I wasn't going to let her stop me from doing something I really enjoy. On the other hand, in terms of friends, I've just removed myself from any circle of friends that had her in. The problem is that I don't see her for weeks, then seeing her at a gig brings all the feelings that I'd forgotten flooding back again. It's not easy but I'm sure you'll get there mate.
Author JamesMay Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 I've clean cut all my ties with her. I just don't have anything to say to her and the last thing I want to do is pretend to be friendly towards her. Even if that makes me appear to be the bigger man. Enough games played. About him: I made it very clear what I thought about the way he's behaved through all of this and how many people have picked up on it. He's clearly in love with her. It reinforces my intuition that she was extremely selfish and not very interested in him. Especially since I'm into their secret little fantasy. Although i don't trust him for a bit I don't want it to destroy what I've built up musically for over three years. I always thought he was a douche so this doesn't change much. He's a good bassplayer with a little to much rock star allures.
Chi townD Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Tons of Bass Players out there. You need to talk to your bandmates and see about getting a new bass player. So what if he has contacts, big deal. You've been working with this band for three years and still no contracts even with his "possible" contacts. If he sticks around, she's gonna come around, can you handle that? She'll just get more upset that you don't want anything to do with her and she'll start rubbing it in your face with this guy. If this guy is still around this band is going to fold. Get rid of him. I'm gonna leave you with just two words......Yoko Ono.
Author JamesMay Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 I've considered it. Thing is that we've built up a name, fanbase... I can't just kick him out nor do I want to leave. It would be the end of the band and that's exactly what she wanted right? She knows how much energy I've put in it.
Chi townD Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Name me one band that's made it big and has all of it's orginal band members in it. If you do, I can name you AT LEAST 25 that don't.
Author JamesMay Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 And we do have contracts, we even share a banking account.
Chi townD Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Then see a lawyer about getting the backstabbing douche rocket out of the band. I'm telling you, the longer he's there, the higher the likelyhood that this band is gonna fold. Has she tried making contact with you since? Seeing if you were trying to force him out or anything?
Author JamesMay Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 Although you have a very good point, it's impossible to kick someone out on the basis of flingin with an ex. Although the others understand where I'm coming from, they'd blame me if this gets messy. I haven't spoken to her about anything. I'm just going to be professional about this. I've told him what my anger's about but of course he denied it and it was just 'something that happened'. In the end no one really cares about. I don't want to show him any more anger or weakness. If he wants to hang out with her I can't stop her. I don't really think she's into him though and she's pretty messed up. Imagine we used to joke about this guy when we were together. Yoko Ono indeed. It was the first thing I thought about.
Recommended Posts