Thank you...I'm finally free

[findingnemo]

Hello Everybody,

 

I've been away for a long time. So much has happened. For one thing my business is growing and this has taken up so much of my time. But here is an update...

 

When I first joined I was in an LDR that wasn't working out. I got some really good advice and after much thought put an end to that. Unfortunately I was still in love with a MM I'd had an A with for years but ended it in 2004. We are still freinds but now he wanted to parnter with me in a business venture and I was seriously considering getting back into a long term A. I didn't state that on this board but ultimately that's what was going through my mind. (Some of you called me out on that:o). I rationalized that in my culture polygamy exists (it's not acceptable but it happens), that it's unfair that we weren't together and, that since it had lasted so many years the love was true and therefore right!!

 

Everybody on here gave me their personal opinions based on what I told them and it hurt sometimes. When I read other people's stories, it seemed clear to me how bad an A is for the BW, myself and even the MM. Yet I still loved this man!!! Well...your opinions gave me a lot to think about and I had to take a break. What I didn't realize was that discussing my situation openly helped me confront things I normally avoided. Whatever I felt for Mr. P, I wasn't willing to go through life in pain and feeling less significant than another human being. Two months ago, Mr. P flew down here to meet with me and discuss the partnership. He did this because he felt like I was acting cagey and obviously realized that I was about to back out of it. We met for hours discussing the details and to my utter surprise, I felt nothing for him. Nada. I was seeing him with different eyes. I couldn't believe it!!! The fool then started hitting on me. He told me how beautiful I looked and how he should have married me instead. How he thinks about me every single day. He wanted me to go up his hotel room with him. I felt nothing, no attraction, I wasn't flattered, I was feeling nothing!!! I said a very polite but firm no and left.

 

I realized that evening that I was free and I had no idea how it had happened. All I knew was that I was happy not wanting him anymore and my heart for the first time was in agreement with my mind. My mind believes that I deserve to be loved wholly and truly. My heart for years just wanted one man regardless of how broken and incomplete the love he gave me was. Now I have finally defined what being happy means to me and I know that I deserve to be happy. Since then I have met so many new men, both married and single. With my new understanding of happiness, it is really easy to see where certain situations may lead me. I now have a filter that helps me decide what to do with all the tempting men out there.:)

 

So I want to thank you all and encourage you to keep doing what you are doing. Tell it like it is because you all know from personal experience as the OW, BS, MM, MW, etc that in As, everybody gets hurt. The OWs that come here are searching for answers otherwise they wouldn't be here. The labels we sometimes give each other notwithstanding, the advice given so freely here is invaluable. I made some good friends here. I will check up on all of you shortly. I just got back and decided to tell you what I've been up to.

 

Loving, are you here? I disappeared for a while but I'm back now. Hope you're ok. Will PM you later.

 

Love to you all.

Edited August 15, 2011 by findingnemo
typo

[East7]

Happy for you Nemo

Thanks for this update !

[seren]

Hello Nemo, so glad it all appears to be going well. So is Finding Nemo now going to be Nemo Found? All sounds good, I wondered where you had gone to.

[SunsetRed]

Good for you! I'm free too and like you, feel nothing for my xMM!

[TigerCub]

Nemo, that's fantastic news!!

 

Its so good when you get that sense of being free - and as you said, when your heart and mind match up - its just amazing, a huge weight lifts!

 

So happy for you!

[spice4life]

That's great news findingnemo. Sooo happy for you! Best wishes on your new journey. I'm free too and I am starting to realize just how nice it is. My life is my own and I can take it in any direction I want without worrying about someone who can give only a small part of himself. Its quite a relief.

[YellowShark]

Now this is a true success story... (instead of a BS and kids thrown under a bus and left in the dust.) I applaud you findingnemo for finding clarity. And you are correct, you're no longer a plan "B," and you have regained control of your heart and your life.

[skywriter]

Very happy for you findingnemo!

 

I relate to what you describe as being free, because I am becoming freer everyday since I have went NC with MM. It is freeing.

 

It gives you time to reflect on the A, and it's affects on you emotionally and physically.

 

I feel so much better now that I've stepped back and tken myself off the ride.

 

I wish you the best.

[Owl]

Glad you're healing, Nemo. And glad to hear that you appreciate the advice and support you were offered, by ALL the posters here on LS.

 

It gets old being viewed as a "bitter BS" that comes here just to hate...especially when that's not the case at all.

 

Hope all continues to go well for you, my friend!

[findingnemo]

Hello Nemo, so glad it all appears to be going well. So is Finding Nemo now going to be Nemo Found? All sounds good, I wondered where you had gone to.

 

Lol. I should change my name. Unfortunately only a part of Nemo has been found so far. I need to search for more of her.

 

Nice to be back, Seren.

[findingnemo]

That's great news findingnemo. Sooo happy for you! Best wishes on your new journey. I'm free too and I am starting to realize just how nice it is. My life is my own and I can take it in any direction I want without worrying about someone who can give only a small part of himself. Its quite a relief.

 

:bunny:

 

Now this is a true success story... (instead of a BS and kids thrown under a bus and left in the dust.) I applaud you findingnemo for finding clarity. And you are correct, you're no longer a plan "B," and you have regained control of your heart and your life.

 

Yes...finally I"ll be Plan A. Er..I think I'd rather be the only plan from now on.

 

Very happy for you findingnemo!

 

I relate to what you describe as being free, because I am becoming freer everyday since I have went NC with MM. It is freeing.

 

It gives you time to reflect on the A, and it's affects on you emotionally and physically.

 

I feel so much better now that I've stepped back and tken myself off the ride.

 

I wish you the best.

 

I'm so happy for you!!!

[fooled once]

Hello Everybody,

 

I've been away for a long time. So much has happened. For one thing my business is growing and this has taken up so much of my time. But here is an update...

 

When I first joined I was in an LDR that wasn't working out. I got some really good advice and after much thought put an end to that. Unfortunately I was still in love with a MM I'd had an A with for years but ended it in 2004. We are still freinds but now he wanted to parnter with me in a business venture and I was seriously considering getting back into a long term A. I didn't state that on this board but ultimately that's what was going through my mind. (Some of you called me out on that:o). I rationalized that in my culture polygamy exists (it's not acceptable but it happens), that it's unfair that we weren't together and, that since it had lasted so many years the love was true and therefore right!!

 

Everybody on here gave me their personal opinions based on what I told them and it hurt sometimes. When I read other people's stories, it seemed clear to me how bad an A is for the BW, myself and even the MM. Yet I still loved this man!!! Well...your opinions gave me a lot to think about and I had to take a break. What I didn't realize was that discussing my situation openly helped me confront things I normally avoided. Whatever I felt for Mr. P, I wasn't willing to go through life in pain and feeling less significant than another human being. Two months ago, Mr. P flew down here to meet with me and discuss the partnership. He did this because he felt like I was acting cagey and obviously realized that I was about to back out of it. We met for hours discussing the details and to my utter surprise, I felt nothing for him. Nada. I was seeing him with different eyes. I couldn't believe it!!! The fool then started hitting on me. He told me how beautiful I looked and how he should have married me instead. How he thinks about me every single day. He wanted me to go up his hotel room with him. I felt nothing, no attraction, I wasn't flattered, I was feeling nothing!!! I said a very polite but firm no and left.

 

I realized that evening that I was free and I had no idea how it had happened. All I knew was that I was happy not wanting him anymore and my heart for the first time was in agreement with my mind. My mind believes that I deserve to be loved wholly and truly. My heart for years just wanted one man regardless of how broken and incomplete the love he gave me was. Now I have finally defined what being happy means to me and I know that I deserve to be happy. Since then I have met so many new men, both married and single. With my new understanding of happiness, it is really easy to see where certain situations may lead me. I now have a filter that helps me decide what to do with all the tempting men out there.:)

 

So I want to thank you all and encourage you to keep doing what you are doing. Tell it like it is because you all know from personal experience as the OW, BS, MM, MW, etc that in As, everybody gets hurt. The OWs that come here are searching for answers otherwise they wouldn't be here. The labels we sometimes give each other notwithstanding, the advice given so freely here is invaluable. I made some good friends here. I will check up on all of you shortly. I just got back and decided to tell you what I've been up to.

 

Loving, are you here? I disappeared for a while but I'm back now. Hope you're ok. Will PM you later.

 

Love to you all.

 

WOW FN! This is by far one of the BEST posts I have ever read here on LS!

 

KUDDO's to you for making the decision you made. KUDDO's to you for knowing you deserve better!!! I hope your post can help so many conflicted OW. You are proof positive there is life and happiness after an affair (like so many of us try to point out). You are free! You are free and happy!!!

 

Congrats to you for finding the strength and desire to not be a mistress anymore and congrats on your business. May you find love and happiness in the future and may your business prosper and grow and make you filthy rich!!

 

Great post!!!!

[MissBee]

Hello Everybody,

 

I've been away for a long time. So much has happened. For one thing my business is growing and this has taken up so much of my time. But here is an update...

 

When I first joined I was in an LDR that wasn't working out. I got some really good advice and after much thought put an end to that. Unfortunately I was still in love with a MM I'd had an A with for years but ended it in 2004. We are still freinds but now he wanted to parnter with me in a business venture and I was seriously considering getting back into a long term A. I didn't state that on this board but ultimately that's what was going through my mind. (Some of you called me out on that:o). I rationalized that in my culture polygamy exists (it's not acceptable but it happens), that it's unfair that we weren't together and, that since it had lasted so many years the love was true and therefore right!!

 

Everybody on here gave me their personal opinions based on what I told them and it hurt sometimes. When I read other people's stories, it seemed clear to me how bad an A is for the BW, myself and even the MM. Yet I still loved this man!!! Well...your opinions gave me a lot to think about and I had to take a break. What I didn't realize was that discussing my situation openly helped me confront things I normally avoided. Whatever I felt for Mr. P, I wasn't willing to go through life in pain and feeling less significant than another human being. Two months ago, Mr. P flew down here to meet with me and discuss the partnership. He did this because he felt like I was acting cagey and obviously realized that I was about to back out of it. We met for hours discussing the details and to my utter surprise, I felt nothing for him. Nada. I was seeing him with different eyes. I couldn't believe it!!! The fool then started hitting on me. He told me how beautiful I looked and how he should have married me instead. How he thinks about me every single day. He wanted me to go up his hotel room with him. I felt nothing, no attraction, I wasn't flattered, I was feeling nothing!!! I said a very polite but firm no and left.

 

I realized that evening that I was free and I had no idea how it had happened. All I knew was that I was happy not wanting him anymore and my heart for the first time was in agreement with my mind. My mind believes that I deserve to be loved wholly and truly. My heart for years just wanted one man regardless of how broken and incomplete the love he gave me was. Now I have finally defined what being happy means to me and I know that I deserve to be happy. Since then I have met so many new men, both married and single. With my new understanding of happiness, it is really easy to see where certain situations may lead me. I now have a filter that helps me decide what to do with all the tempting men out there.:)

 

So I want to thank you all and encourage you to keep doing what you are doing. Tell it like it is because you all know from personal experience as the OW, BS, MM, MW, etc that in As, everybody gets hurt. The OWs that come here are searching for answers otherwise they wouldn't be here. The labels we sometimes give each other notwithstanding, the advice given so freely here is invaluable. I made some good friends here. I will check up on all of you shortly. I just got back and decided to tell you what I've been up to.

 

Loving, are you here? I disappeared for a while but I'm back now. Hope you're ok. Will PM you later.

 

Love to you all.

 

I'm veryyy happy for you!

 

I can soo relate and it is truly amazing to be at that place and it's so crazy how you can see a situation you wanted so much, were so caught up in an mesmerized by, just suddenly become completely unappealing, mundane and sometimes a bit nauseating. What seemed like the greatest "love" in the world...suddenly becomes a joke.

 

Your meeting with MM reminded me of a meeting I had with my ex last year, after millions of back and forth with months of NC in between. Normally, when he'd return I would be so giddy with excitement, that maybe THIS time it would be the final time. I'd feel so attracted to him while hanging out and would melt when he looked at me and the "connection" felt so strong and I'd have to try reaaalllly hard to not let it go down the path of sex. However, that final time, I felt NO such feeling. It was very weird, but good...I felt nothing, like you said. Normally I would think he looked so attractive and when he'd call me "baby", I'd feel like all was right with the world....this time, I actually kept thinking that his outfit didn't match, that this looks a bit raggedy, the things he said seemed more ridiculous and see through, he called me baby and it felt really transparent that it was baloney! It was like the rose-tinted glasses shattered into a million pieces and my "prince" was a lowly frog yapping away and I didn't care. He dropped me off at my house and normally I'd kiss him bye and we'd have some long hug and I'd go inside pining away for him to reach out again...this time, I simply said goodbye, felt no desire to embrace/kiss him and that was the end of that forever.

[MadAsAHatter]

Hi Findingnemo

 

I can't tell you how inspiring it is to read this, especially given my own situation right now. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that was me with my MM. I want to get there so badly. I'm not there yet but when I read things like this I know it's more than possible. Five weeks today since we were last in touch. Your post came at just the right time to spur me on some more!

 

All the very best to you and I wish you success in your business.

[Lostinlife4now]

I'm veryyy happy for you!

 

I can soo relate and it is truly amazing to be at that place and it's so crazy how you can see a situation you wanted so much, were so caught up in an mesmerized by, just suddenly become completely unappealing, mundane and sometimes a bit nauseating. What seemed like the greatest "love" in the world...suddenly becomes a joke.

 

Your meeting with MM reminded me of a meeting I had with my ex last year, after millions of back and forth with months of NC in between. Normally, when he'd return I would be so giddy with excitement, that maybe THIS time it would be the final time. I'd feel so attracted to him while hanging out and would melt when he looked at me and the "connection" felt so strong and I'd have to try reaaalllly hard to not let it go down the path of sex. However, that final time, I felt NO such feeling. It was very weird, but good...I felt nothing, like you said. Normally I would think he looked so attractive and when he'd call me "baby", I'd feel like all was right with the world....this time, I actually kept thinking that his outfit didn't match, that this looks a bit raggedy, the things he said seemed more ridiculous and see through, he called me baby and it felt really transparent that it was baloney! It was like the rose-tinted glasses shattered into a million pieces and my "prince" was a lowly frog yapping away and I didn't care. He dropped me off at my house and normally I'd kiss him bye and we'd have some long hug and I'd go inside pining away for him to reach out again...this time, I simply said goodbye, felt no desire to embrace/kiss him and that was the end of that forever.

 

Oh Miss Bee and Findingnemo!

 

Thank you for your posts....I am SO here with this jack ass of a xmm I had been seeing for a long time...At one point and time he was the end all be all...now he is NOTHING...I feel absolutely Nothing for him anymore....YEAH...He actually makes my stomach nauseous...I guess we just had to get there somehow and someday...AND WE DID....And I am so Very happy I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[silktricks]

Great news, Nemo. Thanks for coming back and giving us all an update. So... what did you end up deciding in regards to the business venture? Did you opt out of that as well????

 

Hope for all of the best for you !!!!!

[MissBee]

Oh Miss Bee and Findingnemo!

 

Thank you for your posts....I am SO here with this jack ass of a xmm I had been seeing for a long time...At one point and time he was the end all be all...now he is NOTHING...I feel absolutely Nothing for him anymore....YEAH...He actually makes my stomach nauseous...I guess we just had to get there somehow and someday...AND WE DID....And I am so Very happy I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

 

 

 

It's awesome! I'm happy for you

[findingnemo]

I'm veryyy happy for you!

 

I can soo relate and it is truly amazing to be at that place and it's so crazy how you can see a situation you wanted so much, were so caught up in an mesmerized by, just suddenly become completely unappealing, mundane and sometimes a bit nauseating. What seemed like the greatest "love" in the world...suddenly becomes a joke.

 

Your meeting with MM reminded me of a meeting I had with my ex last year, after millions of back and forth with months of NC in between. Normally, when he'd return I would be so giddy with excitement, that maybe THIS time it would be the final time. I'd feel so attracted to him while hanging out and would melt when he looked at me and the "connection" felt so strong and I'd have to try reaaalllly hard to not let it go down the path of sex. However, that final time, I felt NO such feeling. It was very weird, but good...I felt nothing, like you said. Normally I would think he looked so attractive and when he'd call me "baby", I'd feel like all was right with the world....this time, I actually kept thinking that his outfit didn't match, that this looks a bit raggedy, the things he said seemed more ridiculous and see through, he called me baby and it felt really transparent that it was baloney! It was like the rose-tinted glasses shattered into a million pieces and my "prince" was a lowly frog yapping away and I didn't care. He dropped me off at my house and normally I'd kiss him bye and we'd have some long hug and I'd go inside pining away for him to reach out again...this time, I simply said goodbye, felt no desire to embrace/kiss him and that was the end of that forever.

 

 

Wow!!! Miss Bee, one thing about this board is that you quickly realize that you are not unique. Isn't that great? When I looked at Mr. P, I wondered why I'd ever thought the world began and ended with him. Isn't it a relief to be free from the imprisoning attraction that we feel towards a mere human being? Sigh!!! I'm so happy for you too.:bunny:

[findingnemo]

Hi Findingnemo

 

I can't tell you how inspiring it is to read this, especially given my own situation right now. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that was me with my MM. I want to get there so badly. I'm not there yet but when I read things like this I know it's more than possible. Five weeks today since we were last in touch. Your post came at just the right time to spur me on some more!

 

All the very best to you and I wish you success in your business.

 

Hey Madhatter,

 

You'll get there one day. I never ever thought I'd be here. Mr. P was my everything!!! I had him on a pedestal for years. Only when I confronted the truth about the difference between what I believed he was and the reality did I start to notice the difference. As people gave me advice and sometimes told me point blank that he was a skunk, I began to see the truth. i'm not syaing that he's the devil. I just stopped seeing him as the angel he is not. I pray that the same will happen in your situation.

 

Stick to this forum. Nowhere else will you get to read unadulterated views that will change your thinking! Good luck.

[findingnemo]

Oh Miss Bee and Findingnemo!

 

Thank you for your posts....I am SO here with this jack ass of a xmm I had been seeing for a long time...At one point and time he was the end all be all...now he is NOTHING...I feel absolutely Nothing for him anymore....YEAH...He actually makes my stomach nauseous...I guess we just had to get there somehow and someday...AND WE DID....And I am so Very happy I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

 

:bunny: Freedom is sweeeeeet!! Enjoy... and like me promise not to give your freedom away EVER AGAIN!

[findingnemo]

Great news, Nemo. Thanks for coming back and giving us all an update. So... what did you end up deciding in regards to the business venture? Did you opt out of that as well????

 

Hope for all of the best for you !!!!!

 

Thanks silktricks. I decided to go ahead with the business. But...(BIG BUT)..I brought in another partner that will deal with the day-to-day activities. The business is likely to be very profitable and so thinking practically, it makes sense for me to do it. I got this. And you know what, I think I'm gonna have some fun now that the tables have turned.:bunny:

[MissBee]

Wow!!! Miss Bee, one thing about this board is that you quickly realize that you are not unique. Isn't that great? When I looked at Mr. P, I wondered why I'd ever thought the world began and ended with him. Isn't it a relief to be free from the imprisoning attraction that we feel towards a mere human being? Sigh!!! I'm so happy for you too.:bunny:

 

Thanks Finding!

 

It is! I truly give thanks for that liberation as that was the first relationship/breakup that affected me so deeply. I however, grew so much and do not believe that I can be as heartbroken or so caught up with a mere mortal lol , in that way again as much of it was not based in reality and was all smoke and mirrors.

 

And yes it IS comforting to know you're not unique and alone in some crazy situation that no one else has experienced. In the throes of insanity it can seem offensive if it is pointed out that your "love" and "connection" may not be very magical afterall....but on the other hand as it wanes it is great to have people who can share with you, know what you've been through, compare notes and laugh and cry with about the whole thing.

Edited August 17, 2011 by MissBee

[MissBee]

:bunny: Freedom is sweeeeeet!! Enjoy... and like me promise not to give your freedom away EVER AGAIN!

 

AMEN!

 

As there's no use to feeling free now but then getting yourself into the same situation later.

[Lostinlife4now]

:bunny: Freedom is sweeeeeet!! Enjoy... and like me promise not to give your freedom away EVER AGAIN!

 

 

Findingnemo! Just a little information. I met a really nice single man on a dating site and he wanted me to meet him...But I had talked to him on the phone a couple of times....and I KNEW right away from what he wants and I want are 2 DIFFERENT things......he wants a full time relationship (he asked me to go away with him already) without even meeting me...HELLO????

I don't even want that a little bit....I love my freedom...AND I WILL NOT GIVE IT UP for anyone...Even if I am lonely. I'd rather be alone than be in a relationship that I don't want....Yeah....We finally made it........AMEN!

[findingnemo]

Findingnemo! Just a little information. I met a really nice single man on a dating site and he wanted me to meet him...But I had talked to him on the phone a couple of times....and I KNEW right away from what he wants and I want are 2 DIFFERENT things......he wants a full time relationship (he asked me to go away with him already) without even meeting me...HELLO????

I don't even want that a little bit....I love my freedom...AND I WILL NOT GIVE IT UP for anyone...Even if I am lonely. I'd rather be alone than be in a relationship that I don't want....Yeah....We finally made it........AMEN!

 

Amen!!! I hope we are not on the rebound and therfore avoiding "love". I don't think we are. I just have more respect for my heart these days. I will not let someone mess with it just like that. I'm so happy for you!!!:bunny: