luvsickpuppy Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I love him. I always have. I've cheated, he's cheated. Completely broke eachother hearts. The jealousy we have for eachother is enough to drive anyone mad. We went through a break where I saw he went on a date with another girl. I was heart broken, but I didnt tell him I knew, because I want the fighting to end. I tried letting go, but since that day, he's been entirely different. He's been telling me often how much he loves me, how he needs me, he wants us to start fresh and build a life together again. When ever we're together, it feels like when we first met were just so cuddley, and affectionate, were not supposed to be around eachother (long story) but he says he wants that to pass so we can go out in public again. But when were apart my thought waunder, I wonder if means what he says, why he always has his phone on silent, why he gets wierd when I grab it even though I haven't looked through it. One day he told me he had to work, then said he just found out it wad day off and was gonna go out with a guy from work. Well about an hour a situation occurred. And I called him to tell him what happened, no answer, I called again, no answer. Then he called back, while we were talking my phone beeped he sent a text telling me to wait. So I asked him why he couldn't answer and he got snappy with me. I swear I heard a girls voice in the background asking who's that. He Hung up after my short chew out. I called him back, and told him I wasn't trying to fight I was just asking and I hoped he had a good guys night out. I called him a few times after that and he was loving and sweet but said he had to get off because his friend was waiting for him. I thought it was wierd he would walk off to take my calls. Then when he got home he didn't talk much about the night. After that the love has seemed to increase even more, it feels like were almost 'there' to the point of being able to get in counseling, and just being better off. I've been reading when assuming infidelity not to confront your partner. So I haven't said anything but its making me so suspicious I question so much, and he always has an answer, none that seem far fetched or lies. I want to believe I can trust him, but I'm scared of getting hurt, I'm even more scared of further damaging our relationship. I made him promise before the break that if he started seeing anyone else he'd tell me, so I wouldn't go on with false hope, no matter how much it hurt Id rather know than live a lie. He swore, he told me his heart is on the line too and he wouldn't say all of what he has if he didn't mean it because of our emotional past. So should I press on and pray for the best, or hold back with reserves.
wilsonx Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I dont agree with the not confronting your partner with infidelity. It builds up inside to the point where you almost die. Your relationship is already doomed, you both cheated on each other, you called him and heard another womans voice in the background and he was telling you to wait and hung up on you. In my opinion, this is a relationship that needs to end soon. People are going to suggest counseling but at this stage, I do not think even counseling will work. Both of you are hurt and are hurting each other.
Author luvsickpuppy Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 I have to think you for being honest, but I'm not gonna lie that hurts. I can't imagine my life with out him. Just a happy text from him makes my whole day. I love him so much.
Author luvsickpuppy Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 Should I talk to him about my feelings?
betterdeal Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Do what you want to do. If you think continuing this relationship is a good use of your limited time, do so. Personally, I don't see what you have as a relationship. Not in the conventional sense. You're just having sex and arguments with your ex, but that's just my view. Since you've both gone outside the relationship for sex, and argue a lot, what is it you enjoy about the relationship? And when did you meet him? If you can't imagine your life without him, how did you exist before you met him?
Author luvsickpuppy Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 Were not having sex, we decided to stop and work on ourselfs outside of our physical attraction. And we get along amazingly, we like cooking together, watching tv, just talking about our days, we have so many inside jokes, I don't know I heard its good to be with someone you enjoy the little things with. When we argue its always over jealousy. When he and I got together, I was pregnant with my second child. Her father wanted me to get an abortion, so I decided to go it alone. Then he started coming around, he took care of all of my pregnancy needs like we have been together for years. He talked to my belly picked up my mid night cravings the whole nine. Then my ex started making me feel like if I stayed away from him I was doing the children wrong, and well just making me feel like a bad person. So even though I had a perfect family I stepped out thinking it was better for everyone. When he did he was hurt from my actions so he picked up a new gf in another state hoping to get over me, living in a different state, with a new gf and his thoughts were always with me. He told me he left her and stayed there a few more months, because he was having such a hard time getting money to get back. But came back, and then I found out he didn't leave her til he left the state to be back with me. It's all a really wierd.
betterdeal Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 You get jealous and you don't have sex? Maybe you're both sexually frustrated and having sex, along side all the other bonding, and the personal growth, will deal with your respective urges to have sex outside the relationship. Whatever. You have children and their welfare is paramount. They need a stable, loving home. I suggest you do contact a relationship counselling service. In the UK, we have Relate, which provides a free service. Search for "relationship counselling" and I'm sure there will be something similar in the states. Good luck.
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