Paige1377 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 It's been two months since my ex and I split and I moved with our daughter a couple states away. We broke after years on and off and six years with one small split for a month. The first month was horrible, I was so depressed , cried a lot and could hardly function for my daughter. My ex and I have seen each other once, talked about our daughter but early on it was hard bc I was so angry he dumped me like that. He said we needed to split bc he didn't love me anymore and he couldn't handle me. I was suffocating him bc I thought he was cheating(two months before the split he was texting some chick nonstop I asked him to stop but he was stubborn and wouldn't) and he pulled away bc he was stressed from working overnights and trying to get promoted. It was horrible, especially how he handled it. Since then we have talked a couple times about us, he always said he didn't know, that we had alot of issues to work out but wouldn't commit to anything. I am planning to move closer so he can see his daughter more and also a job that can support us and because i need to prove to myself i am strong enough to be a single mom.He is happy about that, so two weeks ago I asked him by moving should I see him just as savannah's dad or us possibly working things out longterm. I cried, and he got frustrated and said you need to work past all this, especially when I told him I still loved him. He told me he was only thinking logically, all emotions aside and that I needed to focus on setting up savannah and I. So I did that, I decided to move on, and take the focus off winning him back and gain control of my emotions and focus on setting my daughters and i's life. My family gave me support and nowadays I rarely think about him unless it's about our daughter and I have lost the urge or call him. Fast forward two weeks, I have been in contact with him over selling a fridge down there for our move and also him coming to see his daughter. At first he was so resistant to helping, but once I took the emotional aspect away and just saw his as my fathers child he suddenly started communicating, texting, calling and being more active towards me. Now he said I was psycho, however two days ago he called my cell phone company and had them change my address and I know it was him bc he's the only person who knows the last four of my social and my new address. I called him and asked him if he did and he started talking fast, making a million reasons why he wouldn't and I knew he was lying, but left it alone to keep the peace. Same night it's late, like 11pm and I am seriously about to sleep and all the sudden he calls, seems really lonely and asks about my possible job. I ask why and and he says just bc. We talk, I give him no specifics, he talks about his promotion, we discuss our daughter, and at one point I paused....got quiet about to sneeze...and he goes "hello, hello, are you there all kind of panicky. I said yes I am here...he drug the call out 15 more minutes and he hates talking on the phone and at the end he said well let me know about the job, call me anytime. I was less cordial and just said okay bye. Honestly, I can't decipher it, bc I haven't heard him like that before....it was like he was really eager to talk to me. I have convinced myself it was either bc he got caught doing something stupid or it's just bc of his daughter being closer or maybe he wanted to know about my job for custody, but everyone I tell says sounds like he is lonely, misses his family, one night stands aren't cutting it for him. I am going to continue as I have moving on and focusing on what I need to do to set up my daughter and I, but it would be nice to know why he called out of the blue. Literally almost everything in the conversation was stuff we have discussed before, no need to call especially that late. A small part does wish somedays he would commit to trying to make us work so we can have our family, but everyday that goes by I am getting stronger without him. I only obsess now bc it's a way to release it from my head and let it out so it does t deviate my focus. So what do you think? Think he's starting to regret his choice...or possibly just covering his ass. I don't know, won't ask bc I can't go back to emotions wit him, that's what I have always given him and I won't anymore. Let me know!
giuliano-3 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Simply put, without knowing you it seems like the two of you were never meant to be together forever. The most important thing is to try and remain civil so that your daughter isn't robbed of having a relationship with both parents growing up. Moving closer is going to bring greater temptation to try and figure out what he's up to now and what he's been up to previously. I hope the job is the main reason for moving closer, otherwise I fear you may be in for more heartbreak. Who cares if he's sick of one night stands - good. Its what suits him after all he's put you through. People who do a bunch of one night stands to try and forget a long-term meaningful relationship are really just emotionally crippled. They can't handle true introspection, really delving into what their own faults are so that maybe they can affect other people in a more meaningful way going forward. They don't care because a wall of ice has gradually formed around their heart I'm sorry for your pain, I hope you find the guidance you and your daughter will need moving forward. Keep your eye on the prize! Don't read into things this guy says, don't try to decipher what's in his mind. It won't work, it will cause anguish/sorrow/frustration and it can lead to dark places in your own mind. Believe me, I know about that. I like what you said about making him just the father of your daughter. Someone you will need to probably be in contact with for the rest of your life, in some capacity - but not someone you need to be with in a relationship. As an only child of divorced parents I can look back and say I'm glad they didn't get back together, because it wouldn't have worked. As a kid it tore me up, but as long as your daughter grows up knowing both parents it should help her long term. Best of luck!
Author Paige1377 Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 Lol yeah the move is for the job...plus less travel when going for custody. I plan to stay six months top there and go from there. That gives me enough time to get everything legally done and also save some money. In the beginning it was for him, but he has hurt me too much. And as for knowing what he is doing, I blocked everyone out of my life that would know anything bc frankly it's not my business, unless he gets serious and wants to bring my daughter around a girlfriend alot, not my concern. It feels awesome to have this control, like tonight he texted me randomly asking if he put the scale in the stuff he brought for me. Honestly, it doesn't matter, go buy another one. Just the idea that he is reaching out makes me smile, not bc I want him back but bc he has already lost me and he doesn't realize it. I see girls who take their man back 6 times and nothing changes each time. Same thing with us, it looks great in theory, one big happy family, however it won't ever work. Thanks for the input! My daughter deserves both parents,but not together.
Author Paige1377 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Yep Guillano...I was in for heartbreak...I should have listened...but check out my most recent post...It's awesome!!!
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