mavlast Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 For those of you unfamiliar, I just got dumped in a pretty cold way after the first date, after what appeared to be a promising relationship on the phone. I understand my mistake now -- I got way too chummy with the other person before I even met them. I've deleted both of my online dating profiles and have determined to wait until I get back to school (one week) to date again. But I'm a little apprehensive. It's not like I must have someone to be happy, but I really desire another person that I can talk to on a deep level and be intimate with. And that comes a little hardly for me, and I've been heartbroken even with in-person dating before. I think I can be honest here without fear of judgment -- I have never had a successful relationship, ever. That makes what should be minor setbacks like the one I had today really painful. And I'm a great guy! I'm sweet, intelligent, funny, and entertaining. I think that a higher-than-average proportion of girls and guys would jump at the chance to be with me. And yet it's never happened. I can talk just fine -- it's meaningful relationships that I have trouble forming. Can you give me some direction here, or maybe just talk to me about my current situation?
malibustacydoll Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I am here to talk if you need that. I think I understand to a degree what you're going through. In the very least, I can offer you a female perspective-- probably being your target audience (college aged female). Feel free to send me a private message if you need to talk.
zengirl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Eh, you're in college? So, there's still plenty of time. "Dumped" doesn't happen after one date. . . there's nothing to dump; it's just a very mild rejection on the scheme of things. I'm sure better days are ahead unless you dwell on the idea of failure and get stuck there. Seriously: just keep moving. Things get better. People say college is the place to date, but it certainly wasn't the best time for me. Everyone has their own moments. I'm sorry this happened, but we all have setbacks, and you really will be okay. Keep your chin up.
Author mavlast Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 Malibu -- I'll send something your way shortly. Zen -- Thanks for the talk. I agree with you on being "dumped," but I think it's a little different when you've already (seemingly) built something up. Eh well, I'm sure that you're right!
counterman Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I can relate to you to a certain extent. I have dated several girls during my time studying, albeit only for very short amounts of time, and found it hard connecting with some of them. The way my experiences have gone are that the ones I am interested in going further with, were not interested in doing so with me but the ones I am not interested in anymore, are still interested in me. I was jaded for a while because even with my friends, I struggled to have a deeper connection with and I want that communication on a deeper level with someone... I miss that intimacy with someone, being able to just share things. It's a continuing process for me as I continue to experience new things and discover more about myself and, no doubt, improve on myself. Whereas before I was looking for someone and make it a deep, serious thing, now I am just having fun with it. It is frustrating at times, yes, but I have noticed that with this new mindset, I am able to deal with any little bumps that come my way. Recently, I had a date with this gorgeous girl that I really clicked with...she was showing signs of interest as well and even mentioned us doing things together as well. She hasn't returned a couple of my calls. I was disappointed but grateful for having even that short amount of experience and indeed it was fun
Author mavlast Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 I am here to talk if you need that. I think I understand to a degree what you're going through. In the very least, I can offer you a female perspective-- probably being your target audience (college aged female). Feel free to send me a private message if you need to talk. Sorry Stacy, I don't know how to send a PM. Maybe send me one?
Author mavlast Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 I can relate to you to a certain extent. I have dated several girls during my time studying, albeit only for very short amounts of time, and found it hard connecting with some of them. The way my experiences have gone are that the ones I am interested in going further with, were not interested in doing so with me but the ones I am not interested in anymore, are still interested in me. I was jaded for a while because even with my friends, I struggled to have a deeper connection with and I want that communication on a deeper level with someone... I miss that intimacy with someone, being able to just share things. It's a continuing process for me as I continue to experience new things and discover more about myself and, no doubt, improve on myself. Whereas before I was looking for someone and make it a deep, serious thing, now I am just having fun with it. It is frustrating at times, yes, but I have noticed that with this new mindset, I am able to deal with any little bumps that come my way. Recently, I had a date with this gorgeous girl that I really clicked with...she was showing signs of interest as well and even mentioned us doing things together as well. She hasn't returned a couple of my calls. I was disappointed but grateful for having even that short amount of experience and indeed it was fun Wow. I agree with your first paragraph entirely. I think that I could do what you did, but ... like you, I've been looking for someone to be intimate with (both emotionally and physically).
SelfControl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Here's a sentence from counterman's post that jumped right out... "The way my experiences have gone are that the ones I am interested in going further with, were not interested in doing so with me but the ones I am not interested in anymore, are still interested in me." Therefore, the key is to keep your interest under control with the women you are really interested in if you want to keep them. To keep your interest under control go slowly with her. Only see her once a week. Keep the date to a couple of hours. Keep the conversation positive, light and funny. No serious discussions. Those should come with time, if at all. Perhaps after 30 years of marriage. Haha. And, let her do all the touching except for when you kiss her good night at the door, starting with the 2nd date. By having self-control of your interest it raises her interest in you, which will lead to longer realtionships, assuming she's really interested in you from the very beginning. Give it a try when you get back to school. Practice, practice, practice. You'll be glad you did.
D-Lish Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 You're still young, it's not unusual to not have had a longer term relationship by now. I try not to get invested in someone before I meet them I usually want to meet someone in the first week-two weeks after getting a feeling for them through e-mail. It happens to the best of us where someone doesn't feel the chemistry on the date. After one date, it's not personal.
counterman Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 It's a lesson well-learned and that I will continue to learn, having the self-control with regards to my interest for a girl. With my most recent experience, I was really interested because I haven't met someone in a while that I have clicked with so well. She probably saw that and lost interest. I'll keep on practising though. I agree with D-Lish, it's not personal after one date. I use to take it personally and it use to bring me down when there was no second date. But just like I don't feel that chemistry with some of the girls, some girls won't feel it with me. That's totally fine. It's surprising how many times I've thought I knew everything, knew what the outcome would be only to be brought back down to Earth with new learning in mind.
Recommended Posts