Author Karenswalk Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 He didn't do the 4 day pass thing while he was with me that was before me. He just told me about because he knows it was nuts to do. I don't have an issue with him going to the parks by himself. I've done that too in the past. He is respectful of me. I enjoy his company that is why I have continued to see him. He does have self esteem issues. He should know by now I am not the gold digging type. I am going to have to talk to him about it. Even when I go to his house there is no food! He only buys soda and crackers. He has roommates but eating his food has never been an issue. I've offered to buy and make him dinner. He said that takes to much time.
zengirl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Sleeping in his car during a vacation is weeding out someone who wants his cash ..hahahaha right... I'm not even sure that's legal to do on Disney property and really wonder where he parked his car. Those Mouse Police are serious about trespassing, from what I remember.
John Michael Kane Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 He didn't do the 4 day pass thing while he was with me that was before me. He just told me about because he knows it was nuts to do. I don't have an issue with him going to the parks by himself. I've done that too in the past. He is respectful of me. I enjoy his company that is why I have continued to see him. He does have self esteem issues. He should know by now I am not the gold digging type. I am going to have to talk to him about it. Even when I go to his house there is no food! He only buys soda and crackers. He has roommates but eating his food has never been an issue. I've offered to buy and make him dinner. He said that takes to much time. Then break up with him. Complaining about him even though you have faults of your own is not going to solve anything.
musemaj11 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Why is it only women who get to call men 'cheap'? Anyway, No one hates gold diggers more than I do. But I do think that not wanting to even spend $20 on a date is beyond frugal. That is just really cheap. Im a frugal person and I value frugality in a woman also. But my definition of frugality is not spending more than you can afford, not not spending money at all.
John Michael Kane Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Why is it only women who get to call men 'cheap'? They're not the only ones who "get" to call men cheap but I understand what you mean. And it's funny they call us cheap when the money is coming out of our pockets most of the time.
zengirl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Why is it only women who get to call men 'cheap'? Dude, there are other men calling the guy cheap on this thread, including yourself, so obviously men get to call men cheap as well. Though I'm sure your real question is why does no one call a woman cheap, and I think sometimes people do that too; you're just so fixated on your own crusade, you miss it.
John Michael Kane Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Though I'm sure your real question is why does no one call a woman cheap, and I think sometimes people do that too; you're just so fixated on your own crusade, you miss it. We don't call women cheap because they're the gold-diggers. And everyone has a "crusade," even you.
Art_Critic Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Please don't turn this thread into some women hating bullshiot thread.. Calling people names isn't the way to give advice. Keep the posts on topic, and if you can't then take your misogynistic posts somewhere else.
Pierre Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 We need more info: Occupation Yearly income Worth of two homes Past dating or marriage history Level of education Is he on any psych medication? How much money in the bank? What car he drives? What kind of clothes he wears. Are his shoes worn out? Is he well groomed?
zengirl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 We don't call women cheap because they're the gold-diggers. And everyone has a "crusade," even you. A gold-digger (male or female, and they can be both) is not the same thing as being cheap (also can be either gender). They are two different mindsets. Oh, and what Art said. OP, with the sleeping in his car thing, this guy sounds pathologically cheap to a point where it's perhaps a compulsion.
Pierre Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 There are two simple things that identify a person who is "too" frugal: 1) When their concern for saving money is more important to them than their family and friends; 2) When saving money is more important to them than their own dignity. Being too frugal is a form of obsession (sometimes even a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder). Have you ever noticed a frugal person who appears to have no shame? This is where it becomes excessive. http://www.helium.com/items/179080-signs-of-excessive-frugality
John Michael Kane Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Please don't turn this thread into some women hating bullshiot thread.. Calling people names isn't the way to give advice. Nobody is calling anyone names. Keep the posts on topic, and if you can't then take your misogynistic posts somewhere else.The posts are on topic.
John Michael Kane Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 A gold-digger (male or female, and they can be both) is not the same thing as being cheap (also can be either gender). They are two different mindsets. Doesn't matter, to portray women as perfect is an overstatement.
zengirl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Doesn't matter, to portray women as perfect is an overstatement. What the hell does this have to do with what I or anyone else has said? The OP is acting about her BF, who obviously has some issues. And no one attacked men. Some of the weirdo boys like you decided it was time to somehow get your random agenda in on it. Golddiggers have nothing to do with this thread. From what she's said, the OP is clearly not looking for a sugar daddy. She's just dealing with an opposite extreme.
Lobster29 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I was with someone for 7 years and proved I wasn't a gold digger but still struggled to get a birthday present from him. He worked, still lived with his parents and still does even though he is 36. He has A LOT of savings and could afford his own home but doesn't spend a penny on anything! I paid for half of everything and bought him expensive gifts on his birthday but he'd even sap the joy out of giving by moaning about how much I spent on him. (my own money!) I'm so glad I never stayed with him...he's gonna die one rich but lonely man!
Author Karenswalk Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 (edited) I haven't dated anyone this frugal before. I'm on here to get feedback from people who know more about the subject than me. After reading the responses I see a pattern in his life and its just not in this area. I'm not going to sit here and say I don't have my own issues we all do. thanks for all the feedback! Edited August 15, 2011 by Karenswalk
LoveandSuch Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Dude, there are other men calling the guy cheap on this thread, including yourself, so obviously men get to call men cheap as well. Though I'm sure your real question is why does no one call a woman cheap, and I think sometimes people do that too; you're just so fixated on your own crusade, you miss it. Curious, do you call people dude off the boards? Not making fun or being evil, it just gave me a good chuckle.
John Michael Kane Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 What the hell does this have to do with what I or anyone else has said? Because you were discussing it with us. The OP is acting about her BF, who obviously has some issues. And no one attacked men. Some of the weirdo boys like you decided it was time to somehow get your random agenda in on it. She's not perfect either. You and a few others decided to attack her BF. And I don't have an agenda, I'm just stating the obvious. Sorry if you feel otherwise. Golddiggers have nothing to do with this thread. From what she's said, the OP is clearly not looking for a sugar daddy. She's just dealing with an opposite extreme. So?
Lobster29 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I accepted this about my ex cos I loved him....but it stopped us doing many things like getting a place together and going on holiday. So pretty major and normal things for a relationship to progress! I'm with someone now who earns more than me and we already share finances after 11 months together (we live together). We treat each other to things when we feel like it. We always work out how much money we have to play with after paying all the bills and then we have a good time with it. I will never earn as much as my bf but I pay half the bills and he isn't worried about it. He is a builder so when he has no jobs on I have been the only one paying the bills....which I am fine with. It's give and take. Tight men are just no fun from my experiences!
Lobster29 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I'll just add that after splitting up, my ex came back a couple of years later and wanted me to rent a place on my own so we could try and get back together (as we both lived with parents at the time, I have lived alone before tho). What a cheek lol resting all the chance of us getting back together on me providing a place to live and paying for it alone! Lol even though he earnt triple what I did and was 7 years older. Rant over, sorry lol.
zengirl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Curious, do you call people dude off the boards? Not making fun or being evil, it just gave me a good chuckle. Sometimes, usually when I'm saying something like that. I like to use the word "Dude" to punctuate a sigh, and I was trying to convey the tone that I was sighing at his agenda. Some guys would write, "Women are entitled/wrong/gold diggers/whatever" to a post about broccoli sometimes, I think.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months. I knew that he was the frugal type from the beginning but come on! He has a job, savings and two houses. Have you considered the possibility that there may be a connection between the two? Why do you expect him to be spending a lot of money on you? Don't you have a job?
FitChick Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 The cheapness is bad enough but a 45-year old man with roommates is a definite red flag. If you continue to see him, then stop complaining about it. Marry him and maybe you'll eventually be a rich widow.
Lobster29 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 If you continue to see him, then stop complaining about it. Marry him and maybe you'll eventually be a rich widow. I second this lol
sm1tten Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Have you considered the possibility that there may be a connection between the two? Why do you expect him to be spending a lot of money on you? Don't you have a job? I don't think a date that costs more than 20 dollars has to be a lot of money... and she has offered to chip in and does regularly pay for both of them. So I don't think her expectation is for him to spend a lot of money on her. I think that this is a very strange circumstance. He owns two houses but has roommates. He spends money on his hobbies but keeps no groceries in his home. He takes his unemployed girlfriend out knowing he only has a few dollars in his wallet. Something is off here. Someone up-thread that you [OP] need to accept that he isn't going to change and either you deal with it or bail, and I agree with that. There might be some woman out there who doesn't mind his habits, but that woman doesn't appear to be you.
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