Karenswalk Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months. I knew that he was the frugal type from the beginning but come on! He has a job, savings and two houses. Just to clarify I know I am the only woman in his life so he sure isn't spending it somewhere else. When we go out its the free concerts, dollar menus, and buy one get one free coupons. He has never spent more than $20.00 on a date. He is so cheap he bought a 4 day pass for Disney World and slept in his car! He spent 80 dollars today on a two day pass to a local amusement park that he went to on the way to his dads in another town. Yet, he can't take me out to the movies or to dinner. This guy is 45 years old. I know its not me his ex's all had the same issues with him. I'm just wondering how many women would put up with it?
Ginger Beer Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Well being cheap has got him two homes so for that I applaud him.
malibustacydoll Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I do think it's a two way street. Things have probably occurred in his life to make him that way. My guess is he may have grown up poor or may even have been used by someone in the past? I would suggest talking with him. I also agree with the question that was posed-- you should be willing to pay for things in the relationship too.
Art_Critic Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I'm just wondering how many women would put up with it? his ex's didn't...hence the ex part...
zengirl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months. I knew that he was the frugal type from the beginning but come on! He has a job, savings and two houses. Just to clarify I know I am the only woman in his life so he sure isn't spending it somewhere else. When we go out its the free concerts, dollar menus, and buy one get one free coupons. He has never spent more than $20.00 on a date. He is so cheap he bought a 4 day pass for Disney World and slept in his car! He spent 80 dollars today on a two day pass to a local amusement park that he went to on the way to his dads in another town. Yet, he can't take me out to the movies or to dinner. This guy is 45 years old. I know its not me his ex's all had the same issues with him. I'm just wondering how many women would put up with it? Did he make you sleep in his car? If a guy were actively cheap, it'd bother me. If he were just frugal, it'd be a turn on. I love finding free/cheap events, good restaurant deals, etc. Restaurants.com is awesome! $2 Tapas night at the awesome local Spanish Tapa Restaurant that's usually 4x that price? The best! I love getting things for less. It's just. . . fun. Cheap: resents money spent on others Frugal: likes to save money in general It sounds like maybe he's both.
sally4sara Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 How much money are you spending on him? Excellent question. I tip my hat.
Hot Chick Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Does this guy have a kid that he takes to the amusement parks? Otherwise, a 45-year old man whose hobby is going to amusement parks is...weird.
zengirl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Does this guy have a kid that he takes to the amusement parks? Otherwise, a 45-year old man whose hobby is going to amusement parks is...weird. Not really. I lived in Orlando for a time, and plenty of grown people go to Disney World or Universal as a regular hobby, including loads of middle aged folks. My parents live out near L.A. now, and that's true in Cali near the major parks as well. Depends on your area, I presume.
Tasha49 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I think it depends on certain things. Like as asked, how much money YOU spend on him. How is the relationship besides the cheap dates? Maybe he LIIES eating cheap and living cheap. Perhaps since he does not mind, he figures that you don't mind either. Have you talked about any of this with him? I think you should. But in a way that does not make you sound too pushy/money-hungry. And perhaps he is cheap because he has two houses?
Tasha49 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I think it depends on certain things. Like as asked, how much money YOU spend on him. How is the relationship besides the cheap dates? Maybe he LIIES eating cheap and living cheap. Perhaps since he does not mind, he figures that you don't mind either. Have you talked about any of this with him? I think you should. But in a way that does not make you sound too pushy/money-hungry. And perhaps he is cheap because he has two houses? Oops. LIKES I mean!!
Star Gazer Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Cheap: resents money spent on others Frugal: likes to save money in general Yes, and a guy who's cheap with his money will be cheap in other ways in a relationship. :gross:
Star Gazer Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Does this guy have a kid that he takes to the amusement parks? Otherwise, a 45-year old man whose hobby is going to amusement parks is...weird. Tons of people in the LA area have annual or block-passes to Disneyland. I don't find it odd at all.
LoveandSuch Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Yes, and a guy who's cheap with his money will be cheap in other ways in a relationship. :gross: I agree, and he will likely begin to tell you how to spend your money! He is old, 45, will never change. I knew a man, made 400,000 a year, was just as frugal, made his 12 year old son wear 20 some year old bifocals with tape around the rims to school, and bought all the children's shoes 3 sizes too big, and continued to do so, even though the children came home crying that they were being made fun of at school. The son committed suicide years later. Do not know if this played some into the tragedy, but it is really really sad.
Hot Chick Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Not really. I lived in Orlando for a time, and plenty of grown people go to Disney World or Universal as a regular hobby, including loads of middle aged folks. My parents live out near L.A. now, and that's true in Cali near the major parks as well. Depends on your area, I presume. OK, I don't live near a major theme park so that makes sense. Guess it's not so odd.
sm1tten Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Frugal is okay. Respectable. Advisable. Because I tend to date people my own age, most of us are just starting careers and don't make a ton of money. We take turns. We can do nice things because we're splitting them. We reciprocate. But sleeping in your car during a 4 day trip *if* you don't have to is extreme and I can't deal with extreme in any form, actually.
spiderowl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 He could be cheap and it doesn't look good using vouchers for everything when trying to impress a new lady! But of course, you'd need to do your bit and pay sometimes too. However, if he can find the money for an amusement park (which you didn't attend, incidentally), then it does seem a bit odd. Did he take his Dad to the amusement park? My suspicious little mind is wondering if he took someone else. If he is juggling more than one woman, that would explain why he needs to be even more careful with money. I hardly ever let a guy spend money on me for going out, meals or anything. I just feel too uncomfortable about it. But, if I went out with someone and got the feeling he was taking careful note of every penny he was spending and was tight with his money, then I'd drop him. It's not so much the amount of money that is spent that is the problem but the attitude towards money. My father was always as generous as he could be within his means and I couldn't bear to be with a guy I felt was not inherently generous.
Author Karenswalk Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 (edited) He has no children. Even though I am looking for work and disabled. (I'm not on disability) I still pay to take him out sometimes. We have gone dutch. The last few times I have gone out with him he doesn't have more than 3 dollars on him so I end up paying for everything. He has money he isn't poor. I'm all for trying to find things that are inexpensive. It can be fun and a challenge. He did not grow up poor. His family was middle class. My point was he has money to pay for an amusement ticket yet he balks that I wanted a 4.00 sandwich. I don't think it was a lot to ask for. He went alone to the amusement park. His dad just got out of the hospital and was on the way to visit him. Edited August 15, 2011 by Karenswalk
Pierre Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 He has no children. Even though I am looking for work and disabled. (I'm not on disability) I still pay to take him out sometimes. We have gone dutch. The last few times I have gone out with him he doesn't have more than 3 dollars on him so I end up paying for everything. He has money he isn't poor. I'm all for trying to find things that are inexpensive. It can be fun and a challenge. He did not grow up poor. His family was middle class. My point was he has money to pay for an amusement ticket yet he balks that I wanted a 4.00 sandwich. I don't think it was a lot to ask for. He went alone to the amusement park. His dad just got out of the hospital and was on the way to visit him. This man has a mental illness. No one can be this cheap. Why do you date him? It is weird for a 45 year old man to go to an amusement park when he has no children. It is even more weird to buy a 4 day pass and sleep in the car. He needs to see a psychiatrist ASAP.
Art_Critic Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Karenswalk.. if this really is the way he is then you need to realize that at his age it is not going to change. You either accept that he is cheap and will in the end use you or you need to find someone more like you. In the end his cheapness will form in you as resentment because he will cost you more than it should.. I personally think he is just a cheap ass person.. doesn't mean that is bad for him but when being cheap is affecting a personal realtionship then it has gone too far. Time to either accept or reconsider things...
Sanman Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 While I applaud this guy for being frugal and being able to own two houses, it sounds as if he is taking this behavior to extremes. That said, he is allowed to do when he is on his own. As far as his treatment of you, you had some idea of who he was when you started dating him and 4 months is not that long that you cannot walk away. He is not obligated to be generous to you just because he has money. However, from what you have written, it sounds as if he has not been equitable to you in the relationship. You deserve to have someone treat you as well as you treat them. If you are not getting that (and it sounds as if you are not) you need to speak to him and let him know that it is not alright with you. If he still does not respond, then you have to consider if this is something that is important enough for you to walk away.
SelfControl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Aside from the so called 'cheap dates', how does he treat you? Is he respectful, does he show up on time for dates, does he make sure you have a good time, does he give you a compliment or two throughout the evening? If so, then who cares how much he spends. And, perhaps he keep his spending under control on dates to weed out the mecenaries. Looks like it's going to work.
Art_Critic Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 And, perhaps he keep his spending under control on dates to weed out the mecenaries. Looks like it's going to work. Sleeping in his car during a vacation is weeding out someone who wants his cash ..hahahaha right...
SelfControl Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I agree, sleeping in a car on a vacation together would be crossing the line. However, I didn't get the impression that the sleeping in the car was on one of their dates, or a vacation together. It sound to me like it was something he did by himself to save money.
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