radishes Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 (edited) My ex-boyfriend and I had dated for almost 4 years, when he told me very recently that he needs space, doesn't have room for a relationship, and doesn't feel for me anything other than a really good friend. We are still in college, and during the time we were dating, he was really unsatisfied with his grades. Every bad test grade made him unbelievably angry, and frustrated. He's also cried because he feels like all his efforts were going to waste. This lasted for about a year. But through the entire span of the relationship, we got along really well. We supported each other to the best of our abilities, and trusted each other fully. We hardly ever fought and then this summer break hit. I'm not able to see him during summer break because we live in different cities, but we would usually talk every night, around midnight. He recently changed majors, and during this summer, he started meeting a lot of new friends, and started smoking, drinking, and partying again. And the occurances gradually increased. He used to not do any of that stuff, or in very small amounts, that I was okay with. He started calling less, but always apologized and felt bad. He told me suddenly on the phone one day that he's been thinking really hard about it, and he told me he just really needs to focus on himself right now. He said it wasn't that he wanted to date other people, he said he just wasn't into a relationship right now. He told me to move on, and I eventually pried it out of him, and got him to admit that he just didn't have the same feelings for me anymore, and he just saw me as a friend. He told me he just wasn't in love with me anymore. He started crying on the phone, i wasn't sure why. And he told me he was drowning his sorrows with alcohol or something. I tried to have some hope, and messaged him, but he felt I was pressuring him, and throughout the whole thing, he just kept on saying that we needed space. He told me that I could still call him when i need to, and that he still wants to be my friend. But obviously I can't do that right now, so I've been going NC. His best buddy told me that he thinks my ex made a horrible mistake, and he said he was being really stupid. His buddy told me he thought we were going to get married because we were really similar in a lot of ways, yet we had a lot of complementary traits. I asked him if I could do anything differently, or fix anything. He was very adament in telling me that I was a great person, but its really not you, its me line. I asked him if there was any chance of us getting back together, he said if there was he would come after me. I asked him if he really wanted to be my friend, because I was pretty sure if he started dating again, his girlfriend wouldn't be okay with it, and he told me "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it". He said he's not thinking about it. We broke up, and I was respectful of what he needed and wanted. He said he needed time and space to figure things out and it would be okay if I dated other people. I feel like he just doesn't know what he wants, but do you think NC will give him time to miss me? Or do you think he'll ever miss me? If his academics improved do you think he'll give it a second thought? If we resumed being friends, would he be able to see something different in me and feel a spark again? Should I just go ahead and move on? I realized some of the things we probably should have done differently. What do you think? I totally understand that NC is a way for you to move on, and thats what I've been doing recently. I'm feeling better than before but it still is lingering there. He's just my first love and its really hard to let go. Does this sound like the grass in greener syndrome? We are 20. Edited August 15, 2011 by radishes
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