Heart-broken Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me last week, and i really do not know what to do! Over the last 2 years we've been through everything together, and I honestly thought I'd spend the rest of my life with him. He was my first proper boyfriend - and I know everyone says first loves are the hardest, but this was different. We both felt it! He'd been in several long term relationships before, and we hit it off from day 1. His family got on really well with me, and mine vice versa. There were just things you don't always get in relationship. Then he's been off for a while, think he was going through a bit of a mid life crisis, was diagnosed with depression but was pulling through. I stayed there through all of it, and it was really difficult, even when he tried to push me away. I hadn't heard I love you for about 9/10months and just wanted to know we were going in the right direction. Biggest mistake - he decided that was it. That he can't love me like I deserve and he wants me to have someone who will treat me like I deserve. I can, him! He's treated me like that before. Anyway I'm seriously not coping, at all. I'm crying constantly, in bed for most of the day, feel constant nausea, and I am eating just smaller portions. I just really don't know what to do. This isn't me, I'm a really happy positive girl who sees the good in everything. For the first time in my life there's no good here, and I don't have a clue what to do. My friends just keep saying it'll get better, but It won't. I need him back, he literally means the world to me. He's helped me so much, and all my hopes and dreams are with him. What do I do?
Mcnulty Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Give him the space he requires. The more you push him the more he will pull away believe me. I've suffered from depression and i do the same thing..push people away because i don't think i'm good enough. He may come round to realizing, you are the best thing to happen to him, he may not, but if it's over, you will move on in time and know that it's not your fault, it's an illness.
Buttercup84 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I am so sorry you are going through this . My ex said something like that to me . He is also my first love. He said I deserve to be happier , and so does he . It's like a kick in the gut . I am feeling like you , not coping or able to do anything . Just know you are not alone , and we are all here for you x
smudge21 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 So sorry to read this. Things do get better, but they take time. Until then, just accept the pain you're going through and let it out. Talk to family and friends, consider seeing a professional if it doesn't get any better. Basically do whatever it takes for you to feel better, because that's all that matters - you. I would make one suggestion, and what helped me. Read through others posts on here. Offer advice and share your feelings. Maybe it will help you as it helped me.
ConfusedT Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 so there with ya! couldn't sleep, tossed and turned, couldn't eat, couldn't focus, couldnt laugh or smile, bc there were tears in its place. it DOES get better, it's been almost a month since the breakup and i am eating and i gained back 5 of the 10 lbs i lost (i didnt need to lose ANY prior).. let it all out, for as long as you have to i say, but really try to focus on other things and spend time doing other things. i have spent sooo much more time with my fam and friends since this all happened. it has helped. will they fill his void? of course not... but i need to fill his void within myself, not from someone else. do NC for yourself, everyday may seem like a struggle, you'll have your ups and downs BUT you'll get your pride back and that will be worth every single tear that fell.
danceallday Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 So sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is something that everyone has felt at one time or another. You are not alone. What you are feeling is normal. You are in the denial/mourning stage. Trust me, I know. You will swing back and forth between stages and you will have good days and bad days. Having someone break up with you is almost as painful as when a loved one passes away. Being in love is like being addicted to a drug, it is like going through withdraw when you go through a breakup. You need: family, friends, and lots of TLC from people that love you right now. Do things for yourself right now: baths, main/pedis, shopping, exercise. Buy those shoes you always wanted. In time you will feel like that that great girl you were again.
Author Heart-broken Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 Thanks everyone It does really help to know i'm not alone, and thanks for all your kind words. We're not doing NC atm, we're struggling it out trying to make our friendship last. We've been through too much not too. We know it's going to be blooming difficult but feel like we owe it to ourselves to work for it. I know it sounds crazy Has anyone done it this way before? I obviously know people have, but I don't know anyone personally really! Trying to get myself back into the swings of things, a new job and then debating getting away for a while - do the gap year I always wanted to do before I met him. It sounds easy talking about it but not so sure I'll be able to stick it out. I'm still hoping he's going to change his mind!
LovelyDaze Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Definitely KEEP MOVING! Do great at your new job and give yourself time to heal. Just think, with ALL of the people here on LS that you wouldn't know by face if you passed them on the street, their hearts hurt just like yours. So obviously the mailman, your local grocery store cashier, a co-worker, your neighbor, and the nice man who opened the door for you at the shoe store, could very well be nursing a great heartache. They say, "fake it til you make it". It's true. Put on a bright smile when you are out in the world and save your tears for home, friends, family and LS . The hurt feels unique only because you have never lived outside of your own body and never will. The pain is just as gut wrenching to the next person. the only difference is the story that we have to tell. But you WILL heal. Believe me. You have to do the work though. DON'T give in to any bread crumbs your ex may throw at you(i.e. texts, phone calls, and empty promises) It will be soooooo tough, I know. But don't give in. You need time and space to figure out what you will and won't tolerate AND what you do and don't deserve.
Bubby Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 (edited) My darling girl if I could say anything it is that the tears maybe with you for awhile. But with that comes the anger and use that to motivate you. Use it to push you forward and look at what you need. What did you put down in this relationship that you loved doing before it ? Were you a strong independent woman ? Or were you learning to be ? One thing I have learnt from the recent breakup of my marriage is that I loved too much and gave myself away. Not anymore. I still share the house with my husband, I love him very much and still have animals that we got together and there is some sort of superficial cordiality between us. But I am also having to live with my devastation of a broken heart, crying alot and feeling very lonely and all the things that go with a break up. BUT and here is the but. There maybe some hope for me for him to come back. BUT I need to move on and change things in my life. I need to be my old independent self. Stop being a victim and seriously look at the changes I need to make. I have no idea what the rest of them will be but two I have started are walking everyday to get my physical health back. Thank God for the dog. And to get myself a job where I can show what a brilliant nurse I am. I am extremely scared and excited at the same time. I suppose I am saying when you are exhausted and feel that you need to rest do so because this will be needed but when you can get out in the sun and feel its warmth. Look at something around you and really look at it. This maybe your favourite book. Look at its cover and the pages and smell the book. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Listen to yourself laughing when no one else is in the room. Taste how good cold water is after a run or physical activity. Remember to stand tall. This changes the way you think. If you stand tall it allows your lungs to open and breath. It allows your body to flow. If you feel weak and vulnerable stand tall and your breathing will automatically relax and you will find that the world looks better. Start a journal. Put good and bad memories in there. And also look at the positives that were in this relationship. What have you learnt about yourself ? Were there things that you have improved in ? Are there areas that need developing ? Remember to focus on you a little bit. I'm not going to go on about time. Everyone is aware that all healing takes time. I'm talking about you and reaquainting yourself with yourself and your senses in the NOW. How beautiful is the smell of cut grass ? How beautiful is it when the rain falls through sunshine ? How beautiful is it that you woke up this morning and are surrounded by warm loving people to support you even if you never meet these people face to face. This has been a God send to me this forum. I have no friends in my life, nor family and now I have lost my lover, my best friend and my husband in one go. But it has taken me alot of self talk in saying come on girl you will and you ARE getting through this. You will and you ARE ok. I tell you what also open up and talk to the universe or God or a higher power or your angels and let them know what you need and want. They cant always give that to you but they will give what is best for you. So keep safe and well and keep smiling even when your heart is breaking because as time goes on that smile will open up your heart and little by little smiles will be returned to you which touch your heart. Remember also slow and steady wins the race.:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Edited August 15, 2011 by Bubby Spelling errors !
LovelyDaze Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 (edited) Thanks everyone It does really help to know i'm not alone, and thanks for all your kind words. We're not doing NC atm, we're struggling it out trying to make our friendship last. We've been through too much not too. We know it's going to be blooming difficult but feel like we owe it to ourselves to work for it. I know it sounds crazy Has anyone done it this way before? I obviously know people have, but I don't know anyone personally really! BTW, being friends with an ex that broke your heart is not a good idea at all. Be honest. You don't want to be friends...you want.him.back! Understandable, but that is why you need to spend some alone time and leave the relationship be. Ask yourself this seriously, if you and your ex are friends and he told you how he meet a great girl and his crazy about her, how would you feel? You still have incredibly deep feelings for him where that info would be so hurtful. I really believe you can only be friends with an ex if you feel indifferent to them. Not that you can't be friendly or cordial, I mean you can't go hanging out, having dinner, and other things that you did when you were a couple. It puts false hope on the one still in love and dampers the spirit when the ex shows signs that he is interested in someone else. Please take a break from the "friendship" as well and work on healing yourself. You deserve all the love in the world by someone who is proactive and wanting to give that to you. Edited August 15, 2011 by LovelyDaze
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