quel Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 I'm a single mom to an awesome 3 year old and recently felt the courage to begin seeing other people and joined an online dating site. I was fortunate enough to get to know Thomas, and over a months time, we've spoken over the phone everyday and share a lot in common. Thomas has 2 young daughters and 2 jobs, one of which he works the graveyard shift. I'm not sure what to think or do, we've made arrangements to meet four different times and he's cancelled each time...its a bit disappointing. Guess I'm wondering if I should move on in hopes of finding someone else or should I give up entirely? the 1st time he cancelled was when he couldn't find a sitter for his daughters. The 2nd, we were meeting for pie and he was too tired/sleepy to make it...the 3rd was a lunch date, again too tired...the 4th was today, he cancelled due to some very bad news he received this morning.
Hot Chick Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Yes, it's time to move on. The "too tired" excuses are showing you that he's really that that interested, at least not interested enough to arrange to get enough sleep. He might be seeing someone else and you are on the backburner in case that doesn't work out. It's possible it is not. He could also be married and lying to you, which would explain how difficult it is to get away to meet you for a date. I would not contact him again and I would not respond if he contacts you again. My feeling is that deep down, he has no intention of ever meeting you. Plus even if you do meet him again, he's already set the scene that he is going to cancel on you, even if you do start dating. You might leave a Friday night open just for him, get a babysitter buy a cute top or shoes or whatever for the date, and he's just going to cancel.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Next time you deal with guys online, if they cancel on you and dont offer other arrangements, assume they arent interested. Dont wait for a second cancellation.
nandesuka Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Wow, 2 young girls and TWO jobs, including a GRAVEYARD shift one!?! Shame on him for being tired. Wtf!? And not having a babysitter? Geez, that should be understandable from a mother of a 3yo. How old are his kids? Could you set up a play date with them? At least then the babysitter problem is solved. The tired thing is gonna always be there depending on how hard and stressful his two jobs are. I wouldn't want someone giving up sleep for a date only to perform crappily at their job because they're so tired. His kids and jobS (ie:the support for his family) will most likely always come before you. I'd be more worried if that wasn't the case.
sm1tten Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Either he is not interested enough OR he is too busy and too tired to date. Either way, let this one go.
chphan Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) Err you know I work the graveyard shifts 5 nights and let me tell you being tired is no weak ass excuse. And I don't even have kids. It's hard to simply get some sleep because during daytime you have to deal with all the people outside being awake, sunlight breaking through your windows even if you have shades down, idiots mowing their lawn (you know how loud that is), ect. And it gets worst during summer because then you have to deal with the freaking heat at night and it only cools off when everyone else is sleeping while you are working. Only time you can get some decent sleep is during winter when people don't go outside and its not so hot. Hell I've even skip work a few times because I couldn't get any sleep all day long. Right now I only get an average of 3 hours asleep if I'm lucky. And my days off I crash to recover. 1 days to totally crash and take a sleeping pill and the other day to catch up on stuff that I couldn't do. So saying you are too tired is no weak or lame excuse like the rest of you make it out to be. The only thing wrong here is that he probably shouldn't have started something with you unless he can commit to it. Which is why I don't really date right now because I don't have the time to commit to it till I get a new job that isn't graveyard. Just because he can't commit doesn't mean he is blowing you off. Many relationship failed because couples couldn't commit time to it. That's not the same as not having interest in each other. Edited August 14, 2011 by chphan
Author quel Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 his girls are 5 and 7. He's only working the extra job to take care of his lawyer fees...he shares custody. as a single parent, I can understand how difficult it is to make time for yourself especially when raising kids.
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