is it true: women have less to offer?

[zengirl]

It worked for my husband and I because he had always thought that if he were to be a parent, adoption was how he would go about it.

 

Well, I can see it then as well, being a priority, if for some reason he actively couldn't/didn't want to have his own biological kids at all. But, in most cases, I think guys who like kids are fine dating women with or without kids.

[tigressA]

You seem really smart and fun. And I mean that in the same way AIDs seems like a smart and fun way to lose weight.

 

Yeouch.

 

I tend to agree, though. Guys I have dated aren't into girls who want to spend every waking moment together or cancel established plans just for them. I know my relationship is at its best when we both have our own stuff to do and our own friends to hang out with. Sacrificing your own outside interests and friendships if they are not doing any harm to the relationship itself is more likely to result in a relationship ending/becoming dysfunctional than flourishing.

[2011aug]

Well, I can see it then as well, being a priority, if for some reason he actively couldn't/didn't want to have his own biological kids at all. But, in most cases, I think guys who like kids are fine dating women with or without kids.

 

I think most men would prefer to raise their own kids than another man's.

[sally4sara]

I think most men would prefer to raise their own kids than another man's.

 

Because other men are icky? What happened to bros before hoes? Y'all should be all about raising each others' kids if you're really a bro.

[2011aug]

Because other men are icky? What happened to bros before hoes? Y'all should be all about raising each others' kids if you're really a bro.

 

 

hoes raise kids. bros just plant them. hoes with kids are already planted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(i'm so funny)

[sally4sara]

 

hoes raise kids. bros just plant them. hoes with kids are already planted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(i'm so funny)

 

Ah yes hoes. I sell them. I sell quite a few every spring; we call it planting season.

[Andy_K]

Women have just as much to offer as men, but that unfortunately doesn't confer them an advantage because men generally have less need of almost everything women have to offer.

 

1) Sex. Men generally want this more, so this one counts in their favour.

2) Baby-making. Women are more likely to be concerned with having children, and are age-limited in this too, so this one goes to the men

3) Wealth/stability. Men are more often the higher earners, thus the ones doing the 'offering' here. Another one for the guys.

4) Emotional support. Men are far more apt to deal with things on their own than need someone to talk their problems through with.

5) Emotional intimacy. Women generally have more need for this level of closeness, so advantage to the men again.

 

.. I'm sure you get the idea.

 

Whilst all these can vary from person to person, and virtually everyone wants all of them to some degree, the truth is that men just want/need the things you get from a relationship less than women do.

[zengirl]

I think most men would prefer to raise their own kids than another man's.

 

Well, my stepfather was perfectly happy raising me.

 

I think men with complexes about other people's kids are kind of weird. If you aren't into kids or don't want to miss out on part of their lives or aren't ready for kids yet, I get not being into single Moms, but if it's because, "Oh, yuck, some other guy's kid! How could I raise that?" then . . . that's odd to me. Unless the kid hates you or is poorly raised or something.

[Andy_K]

1) Sex. Men generally want this more, so this one counts in the girls favour.

 

edit to clarify.

[2011aug]

Well, my stepfather was perfectly happy raising me.

 

I think men with complexes about other people's kids are kind of weird. If you aren't into kids or don't want to miss out on part of their lives or aren't ready for kids yet, I get not being into single Moms, but if it's because, "Oh, yuck, some other guy's kid! How could I raise that?" then . . . that's odd to me. Unless the kid hates you or is poorly raised or something.

 

 

For me, the potential financial, legal and emotional complexities that come along are not worth it as a rule.

[LoveandSuch]

Yes, we have less BS to offer.

[Eddie Edirol]

I get not being into single Moms, but if it's because, "Oh, yuck, some other guy's kid! How could I raise that?" then . . . that's odd to me. Unless the kid hates you or is poorly raised or something.

 

Because its like being handed down some other guys used underwear. its because men arent maternal. They dont automatically get motherly instincts when they see children. Most men dont want to engage emotionally with some other guys children because it gets complicated. Many guys dont like seriously engaging emotionally with more than one person in the first place, so to deal with kids who aint yours is like "yuck, emotional involvement, go away..." When you get involved with a single mother, youre expected to eventually engage with her kids. A single mother is a whole package. So its a "why bother" filter...engaging the kids means eventual full commitment, avoid it if you can. Plenty of single childless women it there.

[Els]

Women have just as much to offer as men, but that unfortunately doesn't confer them an advantage because men generally have less need of almost everything women have to offer.

 

1) Sex. Men generally want this more, so this one counts in their favour.

2) Baby-making. Women are more likely to be concerned with having children, and are age-limited in this too, so this one goes to the men

3) Wealth/stability. Men are more often the higher earners, thus the ones doing the 'offering' here. Another one for the guys.

4) Emotional support. Men are far more apt to deal with things on their own than need someone to talk their problems through with.

5) Emotional intimacy. Women generally have more need for this level of closeness, so advantage to the men again.

 

.. I'm sure you get the idea.

 

Whilst all these can vary from person to person, and virtually everyone wants all of them to some degree, the truth is that men just want/need the things you get from a relationship less than women do.

 

Huh. How do you explain the couples that don't have sex until marriage, then? And yes, there are such breeds, more than you might think.

[serial muse]

Women have just as much to offer as men, but that unfortunately doesn't confer them an advantage because men generally have less need of almost everything women have to offer.

 

1) Sex. Men generally want this more, so this one counts in their favour.

2) Baby-making. Women are more likely to be concerned with having children, and are age-limited in this too, so this one goes to the men

3) Wealth/stability. Men are more often the higher earners, thus the ones doing the 'offering' here. Another one for the guys.

4) Emotional support. Men are far more apt to deal with things on their own than need someone to talk their problems through with.

5) Emotional intimacy. Women generally have more need for this level of closeness, so advantage to the men again.

 

.. I'm sure you get the idea.

 

Whilst all these can vary from person to person, and virtually everyone wants all of them to some degree, the truth is that men just want/need the things you get from a relationship less than women do.

 

Wasn't going to participate, but...hell.

 

You forgot 6) Health.

 

http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mens_Health_Watch/2010/July/marriage-and-mens-health

 

 

(Gender wars, I wish I could quit you.)

[tigressA]

I think women, as a whole, have a lot to offer men outside of looks/sex. Unfortunately, many men don't notice the value of these things until they're gone.

 

I was married for 8 years. My ex recognized the fact that outside of of sex I brought just as much (If not more some years) money into the household as he. But what he failed to notice, until I was gone was:

 

*I took care of him when he was sick. Cold washcloths for his forehead, chicken soup served in bed, his favorite movies on the tv, leaving the house at 2am to pick up more cough drops and ice cream. It wasn't until he had major surgery and NO ONE to take care of him, that he understood the value of this.

 

*I made his dentist and doctor appointments for him and set reminders in his phone so he wouldn't miss the appointments. His teeth would have fallen out by now if it weren't for me.

 

*I kept the house clean and organized, I kept the budget tight and through smart investments, ensured our retirement fund.

 

*Packed lunch is in the fridge every night. Coffee is already in the pot in the morning. Just push the button.

 

*Lawn service has been hired. Bills are paid on time.

 

*Hello social life! Who but a wife plans and organizes dinners, parties, vacations?

 

*Don't worry honey, the dogs have been fed, potty'd, and exercised.

 

*Lost keys are in your pants pocket, contact solution is in the medicine cabinet on the second shelf, your left your video game on the floor and I picked up before the dog ate it, cell phone charger probably fell behind the bed again.

 

*I will cheer lead your ass right into another promotion and I remembered to send your boss a thank you card for your company Christmas gift.

 

*Speaking of Christmas gifts, I pick them all out and signed your name to the card. I also remembered everyone in the family's birthday, anniversary, Mothers and Fathers day, and send your grandfather flowers when he got sick. Oh, what a thoughtful son, grandson, uncle, cousin, and brother you are.

 

Need I go on? Because I could....for quite awhile. A good wife has PLENTY of value to a man. Unfortunately, only a small majority quit looking at our boobs long enough to recognize this.

 

Yeah, if you want to be a substitute for his mother.

 

I'd never resort to doing all those things. That's disturbing. Guys who aren't even capable of keeping track of their personal valuables or booking their own appointments are not the type I ever want to be dating, much less married to.

[serial muse]

Yeah, if you want to be a substitute for his mother.

 

I'd never resort to doing all those things. That's disturbing. Guys who aren't even capable of keeping track of their personal valuables or booking their own appointments are not the type I ever want to be dating, much less married to.

 

I think I need a "wife". It would be awesome to have someone prep the coffee for me in the morning and write my thank-you cards.

[Janesays]

Yeah, if you want to be a substitute for his mother.

 

I'd never resort to doing all those things. That's disturbing. Guys who aren't even capable of keeping track of their personal valuables or booking their own appointments are not the type I ever want to be dating, much less married to.

 

 

Spoken like a child.

 

My ex wasn't incapable of doing anything that. Much like I wasn't incapable of cleaning the gutters, fixing the roof, changing the oil the cars, taking out the trash, or any number of things he did in the relationship.

 

But part of being married means there is a give and take. And also each party has individual strengths and weaknesses. A lot of woman don't need to divorce to appreciate that it's a pain to clean the gutters. However, a lot of men don't realize how nice it is NOT to take a phone call from a crying Mom because he forgot Mother's day.....again.

[tigressA]

IMO, there are some things people should do for themselves. Some of those things are on your list, Janesays. I don't think someone should be responsible for their SO's social life. As for fixing up, installing or cleaning up, I prefer teamwork. My dad and ex-stepmom did things like installing new ceiling fans and garbage disposals, tending the lawn, the car, cooking and cleaning, and so on, together. He and his current partner are the same. I've carried that over into my own relationships.

[serial muse]

Spoken like a child.

 

My ex wasn't incapable of doing anything that. Much like I wasn't incapable of cleaning the gutters, fixing the roof, changing the oil the cars, taking out the trash, or any number of things he did in the relationship.

 

But part of being married means there is a give and take. And also each party has individual strengths and weaknesses. A lot of woman don't need to divorce to appreciate that it's a pain to clean the gutters. However, a lot of men don't realize how nice it is NOT to take a phone call from a crying Mom because he forgot Mother's day.....again.

 

In all seriousness, Janesays...I actually don't think it's healthy to shield someone from taking on an emotional responsibility that is rightfully his.

 

Why shouldn't he talk to his mother, when she is upset by something he did? Why should you take the brunt of that? He is, presumably, an adult, not a child himself. This sounds like codependency. He should shoulder his own emotional burdens. I do not say that to sound callous or cold, but because they are his to bear, not yours or anyone else's.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Sadly, there are probably women and men who are ultimately pretty much wastes of skin.

 

I, personally, have a LOT to offer my mate in my relationship. Here is a partial list of things that I can do better than he can, or that he can't / doesn't do at all, that are meaningful in our relationship and our life:

 

Flower arranging

Earning money

Cooking

Selecting good movies

Making long-term financial decisions

Maintaining open lines of communication between us

Grocery shopping

Animal and plant care

Boring routine prevention

Making time for quiet reflection, appreciation, and gratitude

Conflict resolution

Keeping the spark sparky

Home decor

Initiating new experiences

 

That's just a sampling of what I, a woman, "have to offer" in this relationship that my mate does not really offer.

 

There is another long list of things we BOTH offer each other, like being supportive, trustworthy, etc.

 

And then, there's the long list of what HE has to offer in areas where I am not strong at all.

 

I think that a relationship where one person has a lot to offer, and the other has little, would probably be unhealthy and unbalanced.

 

Also, I assure all who read this post that the assertion earlier by a poster that a woman who maintains and even loves her independence is giving up on having a relationship with a man - is really, really wrong. Yes, individuals can choose to surrender their independence to a man. I don't know any women like this, but I see them on TV shows like "The Duggars - 19 and Counting."

[Janesays]

Why shouldn't he talk to his mother, when she is upset by something he did? Why should you take the brunt of that?

 

Well, I never did. Because I am better at remembering dates than my ex was. So why would I stand by and watch my MIL get hurt because my ex was a little forgetful when I can prevent it all just by sending her a pair of earrings? This way, everyone is happy.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Because its like being handed down some other guys used underwear.

 

Dude, that is a pretty disgusting thing to say about any child.

 

Thank goodness that there are plenty of fine men who are able and willing to fulfill a familial role with the children of a woman they love. Let's hear it for the great step-parents.

[Kamille]

 

Thank goodness that there are plenty of fine men who are able and willing to fulfill a familial role with the children of a woman they love. Let's hear it for the great step-parents.

 

Let me hear you say EH!

 

What boggles the mind is the disconnect between the men in real life, who love the women and children in their lives, and the posters here who use generalizations to perpetuate their sense of superiority over women.

 

As a somewhat related side-note, a study done at the Concordia University has shown that bitter people are indeed more likely to suffer from illness. Just another way bitterness begets hardships begets bitterness. The link here: http://www.vancouversun.com/health/Bitterness+really+make+sick/5229402/story.html

 

Snap out of it people, for your own health!

[sally4sara]

For me, the potential financial, legal and emotional complexities that come along are not worth it as a rule.

 

This is part of what I find odd about some of the attitudes concerning this part of the subject.

 

These complexities are present as a parent period, not just being a biological parent. Plus you won't be carrying the child within you to term getting that hormonal protective response most women get even if it shares your DNA. So if you can't see the worth in being in the life of a child beyond these factors then there is nothing guaranteeing you will find the worth in it at all. Being a kid's biological parent doesn't guarantee you will deal well with it or do a good job and it certainly won't prevent you from getting resentful and cold towards a child if you only see the task as a tedious obligation. Not to mention that kids don't belong to anyone but whomever steps up to the plate and that is for a shorter period of time than you can imagine. It goes by so fast......

So when I hear single guys talk about "other mens kids -ewww" with this attitude (i'm not even going to go into what kind of ******* it takes to compare kids to owning underwear ) I just hope they don't ever procreate. I know full well what its like to be raised by a resentfully obligated parent.

[Jessica45]

There is only one thing that a man and woman can offer each other that really counts. That's love.

 

It's rare and far more valuable than money or any other skills or social standing a person might have. And both genders have the ability in equal measure.